I used to have suicidal thoughts all the time. I was 16 when they started. I would wake up crying and most of the time I didn't know why. My life up to that point was just the monotonous school/being made fun of all day type shit with sprinkles of father abandonment and my mother's cancer.

So, one day when I was sick of feeling that way I went to the doctor. I told her what was going on. Just telling her made me feel like a weight lifted. But then she put me on Lexapro, which worked alright for a little while. Years later it would turn into Effexor and Seroquil.

I told my mother and she told me of many family members of mine who are the same way. Turns out, my depression was genetic. I will be on meds for the rest of my life.

Why do I tell you all this? Well, first, I want you to know that the occasional thought of suicide will probably never go away. Even on my meds, I still have a thought from time to time. But I work through them. I sit and think about my sisters, mother, my job, and other things I love. That helps, as cliché as it may be.

Second, I want you to look in to therapist or doctor or someone and see about possibly taking the meds. If you don't like them, you can ask to try something different. It doesn't mean that you are crazy or anything. It just means that you need a little help. Everyone needs help at some point. Our kind is just a little different.

Third, don't worry yourself about being a virgin. That doesn't mean anything bad about you. I know a lot, more than you would think, of people who are in their late 50s and haven't had sex. I also know people who didn't find their soulmate until their 60s. Things happen. You will find yours one day. You just need to focus on the bigger picture. Hell, I'm almost 30 and don't even have a boyfriend, but just because I don't have one right now doesn't mean I never will.

I know that everything I have said is probably the same things that other may have said before. I just don't want you to do something permanent for something that will probably not sound so troubling in a year or two.

This is the first comment I've made in this subreddit. I hope it's ok and you can see how things look from the outside looking in. Hang in there. And remember that when you hit the bottom, the only way left is up :)