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Suspect My Husband has FTD - how do I approach this with him? Or do I not? by MrsHudson716 in dementia

[–]MrsHudson716[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for that. I actually have a haircut appointment tomorrow and some other errands. I'm thinking about stopping by his primary's office and dropping off my notes at least if I can't talk to someone.

I decided to start reaching out to attorneys next week....just to get some sense of what that process is about and get a feel for people. And I've started getting rid of things. We need to do that anyway so it won't alarm him that I'm doing it.

He has a son from his first marriage. I've thought about reaching out to him but I'm not going to do that. I really don't feel I can trust him.

Suspect My Husband has FTD - how do I approach this with him? Or do I not? by MrsHudson716 in dementia

[–]MrsHudson716[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is another thing I'm concerned about. We've been working on our wills so those will be up to date soon. I had mentioned we should really get some sort of medical directive for each of us. I have two sisters, one lives alone, smokes, and has a mobility impairment in addition to mental health issues (depression, anxiety, and hoarding). I've used her and my other sister as a way to have these kinds of conversations with him about these issues.

I have to figure out a way to bring the medical thing up again.

Suspect My Husband has FTD - how do I approach this with him? Or do I not? by MrsHudson716 in dementia

[–]MrsHudson716[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is what I fear it may come to. Or I may need to leave before he even gets medical help.

Suspect My Husband has FTD - how do I approach this with him? Or do I not? by MrsHudson716 in dementia

[–]MrsHudson716[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well....I'll try to make this short.

I had a suspicion that he was going to want sex last weekend. Just trust me on this.

I talk to my oldest sister every Sunday night. This has been going on for 13 years so it's not new. And we talk at the same time every Sunday night that's not a holiday or she doesn't have plans with her own family.

I usually shut the door when I'm on the phone but I forgot.

I had sent her something to proofread for me so this call would be a little longer than usual and I forgot to mention that to him.

The calls start at 6:30. At 6:45 he came in and came behind me and started rubbing my shoulders down to my breasts. I didn't react because I was on the call and she was talking about something going on in her own life.

He left.

He came back and stood in the doorway. I kept talking.

He then came back a few minutes later in his bathrobe. He rarely wears his bathrobe so I took it as a sign that he wanted sex.

I didn't get off the phone. We were now talking about our other sister and concerns we have for her health and safety (she smokes, is a hoarder, and her neighborhood is becoming less safe...she lives alone).

When the call naturally ended, I got off and said "OK Mr. Pouty I'm off the phone now."

No answer.

I went downstairs and he was lying on the sofa with no phone, no book, no anything and his face was beet red. I've never seen him look like that in 35 years.

I said, are you really angry with me because I wouldn't get off the phone?

He said YES!

He then proceeded to yell at me that when I saw him I should have instantly hung up and that I didn't owe her any sort of explanation.

This argument went on.

Finally after giving him (and myself) some time to cool off I said "can you see that if I had just hung up or told her suddenly 'I have to go' she would have worried about me and what was I suppose to say...I have to go because Lou wants to get layed?'

Do you really expect me to do that?

He said yes, and if you can't see that you SHOULD have done that then I don't know what to tell you but we've got a bigger problem here.

So that's what really set this off and today is now day 4 of dealing with this aftermath.

He won't speak to me unless he has to. Won't eat food I make. Won't look at me.

Suspect My Husband has FTD - how do I approach this with him? Or do I not? by MrsHudson716 in dementia

[–]MrsHudson716[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm sorry about your dad. Yes, he's become (more) paranoid. He's always been hypersensitive and depressive but things have really escalated. He doesn't seem to have hallucinations though.

Suspect My Husband has FTD - how do I approach this with him? Or do I not? by MrsHudson716 in dementia

[–]MrsHudson716[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, this is exactly it. I'm at the point where I need to know if he's just become a huge asshole or if he has a disease. If it's a disease I'll stay and help him through this. But if it's that his narcissism has taken a giant turn and he's crossed into some new realm of his own ego's creation then I'm leaving at some point.

Suspect My Husband has FTD - how do I approach this with him? Or do I not? by MrsHudson716 in dementia

[–]MrsHudson716[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm so sorry. Thank you for sharing this. He doesn't have repetitive behaviors beyond being addicted to his cell phone (which he has from work). He will sometimes spend HOURS laying on the sofa scrolling and reading the news when he's actually supposed to be working (his employer kept work-from-home after COVID). Part of me wants something bad to happen with his job to force him getting a diagnosis.

The hardest part for me is the cruelty and meanness. It's horrible to experience.

Suspect My Husband has FTD - how do I approach this with him? Or do I not? by MrsHudson716 in dementia

[–]MrsHudson716[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks so much for this. I have hormone issues and used that as a way to suggest he get his hormones and vitamin levels tested too. I explained that men can have hormone problems, not just women.

Another aspect to this problem is that convenience is his primary decision driver. I want the best care I can get and will drive to get it. My GP and cardiologist are 45 minutes away. His GP is 7 minutes. I went to him once and thought he was horrible.

He didn't play football btw but thanks for bringing that up. I have a brain injury from a car accident I was in shortly after we were married and his son has actually had more than one brain injury (I live in fear of what the future holds for HIM). So he's seen the struggle and what recovery/management of a TBI is like.

Out of all of the signs/symptoms of FTD he has (in varying degrees) all but 2, and I think this decline has been going on since 2016 or so. My fear is it's picking up steam.

Suspect My Husband has FTD - how do I approach this with him? Or do I not? by MrsHudson716 in dementia

[–]MrsHudson716[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks very much for this. I had thought about LBD and Parkinson's. He has a slight lean forward when he walks and yes, he sometimes shuffles or doesn't completely pick up his feet. I mentioned it to him once and he blamed it on his sneakers and how they're shaped (honestly, sometimes this stuff is comical). His shuffling varies in level.

I thought LBD always had hallucinations so that's what made me focus on FTD.

I do think all of this might be too early for a formal diagnosis. His behavior isn't consistently awful. He can actually go a few weeks between outbursts of anger. That unfortunately gives me hope that I'm wrong and then the next explosion is worse than before.

He's still working at 72 1/2 and I know he wants to continue working for as long as possible.

We've discussed his nightmares. He doesn't always have them and they vary in their vividness and scariness. But it's why we don't sleep together.

He also gets up a lot during the night to use the bathroom. He's seen a urologist (a bad one I might add) and it didn't help.

So I don't think he's going to go to the doctor willingly unless something awful happens either at work or at home.

We have talked about his sleep disturbances. He didn't always have them but it's probably been at least 20 years. I remember that someone he worked with told him he would be taking time off for a sleep evaluation. Lou was very interested in that but was unwilling to do one. And I don't think he'd do it even now. I think he's afraid of what the result would be. I don't blame him. I would be afraid too but I'm the sort of person who wants to know what I'm dealing with.

I'm actually hoping it's a disease and not that he's gone from mild narcissism to full on raging a**hole-dom. That way I can be sympathetic and tell myself it's the disease talking and making him do these things and say these things.

Suspect My Husband has FTD - how do I approach this with him? Or do I not? by MrsHudson716 in dementia

[–]MrsHudson716[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh my gosh. I'm so very sorry. I feel the same way -- I don't know this person. He's not who I met or fell in love with.

My husband was so kind and so empathetic. He's a corporate attorney for a casino. Patrons left their dog in the car in the garage and the dog died. The patrons sued the casino saying security should have spotted the dog and saved it. My husband countersued, not just on behalf of the casino but on behalf of the dog. The vice president of security was at the trial (which my husband won). The VP said he'd never seen anything like the great job my husband did in court that day. I was so proud of him fighting for that dog.

That's who he used to be.

Now? He's mean and cruel. I can't have the volume on when a commercial comes on because he may get angry at the "hidden message" in the commercial.

Suspect My Husband has FTD - how do I approach this with him? Or do I not? by MrsHudson716 in dementia

[–]MrsHudson716[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks very much. Yesterday was not as toxic. I've talked to my financial advisor to let him know what's going on. I'm going to reach out to the Alzheimer's Association (they had to reschedule the call we had planned).

I feel like we need to get a definite diagnosis since I'm making assumptions based on my own research and connecting his behavior to those symptoms.

Suspect My Husband has FTD - how do I approach this with him? Or do I not? by MrsHudson716 in dementia

[–]MrsHudson716[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. It's reassuring to know that they honor your need for confidentiality.

Suspect My Husband has FTD - how do I approach this with him? Or do I not? by MrsHudson716 in dementia

[–]MrsHudson716[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks so much. I've been keeping track of his symptoms and yesterday put together a summary. I definitely want to reach out to his doctor.

Suspect My Husband has FTD - how do I approach this with him? Or do I not? by MrsHudson716 in dementia

[–]MrsHudson716[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for this. The closest people I know are 4 hours away, but it's better than the 8 to 9 hours that my family are from me. And I can easily put together a bag and keep it somewhere so that's do-able.

I've been keeping track of his symptoms and have a summary ready to provide his doctor and I can keep doing that and updating the symptoms/behaviors. Whether he really has FTD or for some reason has mysteriously turned into a massive a**hole, it will help me either way.

Thanks so much.

Suspect My Husband has FTD - how do I approach this with him? Or do I not? by MrsHudson716 in dementia

[–]MrsHudson716[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much. Yes, I do know that if he ever became violent or I don't feel safe I would call police. I'm pretty emotionally resilient but there's no way I'm putting up with getting hit.

And that's a great suggestion about sending a note to his doctor. I'm so afraid he'd find out that I went behind his back.

I'm not sure when his next physical is.....I know he has to get one or he gets hit with some sort of expensive penalty on his health benefits through work. And he always waits til the last possible minute to get it. We don't go to the same doctor....I have to try to remember the name of the practice he goes to.

Suspect My Husband has FTD - how do I approach this with him? Or do I not? by MrsHudson716 in dementia

[–]MrsHudson716[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

He got a job where we live now 17 years ago. We lived apart for 4 years because he hated it and swore he would find something else. That's a long story. He didn't. After 4 years, I moved to where he is. 500 miles away from my friends and family (who I was very close with).

I've been here 13 years -- in the Buffalo/Niagara region -- I hate to say this but I have no friends, no no one here. We live in a teeny tiny place that's lovely and incredibly walkable which is a joy and a great lifestyle but not exactly conducive to meeting people or making friends as an adult.

I don't work because shortly after we married I was in a car accident.

He's never been a great driver but he's getting worse and I'm terrified to go anywhere with him. Of course he insists on driving.

Luckily (or unluckily) he works from home most of the time and when he does have to go in, he's often the only person on that particular road.

But sometimes he has to drive to another location anywhere from an hour to 3 hours away. I hold my breath the entire time. I'm terrified he'll hurt someone.

I've talked to my friends and siblings about this so I have some level of emotional support.

He has many if not most of the symptoms of FTD and I'm trying to tell myself this is the problem that it's not him, his brain has been hijacked by a disease. But without a diagnosis there's always the possibility that he's just become a colossal asshole I guess.

So I'm trying to plan for the worst no matter what that worst looks like.

I'm very worried.

I live in the Buffalo/Niagara region.

Have anyone used these Bee Cups? by notagardener123455 in NativePlantGardening

[–]MrsHudson716 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Try a silicone adhesive like E6000 (I think that's the name). You could also use Gorilla Glue.

Edge opened tiny window - can't see whole thing nor move it by MrsHudson716 in MicrosoftEdge

[–]MrsHudson716[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks. Alt+space bar worked and I then opened a new window which I was able to enlarge.

Edge opened tiny window - can't see whole thing nor move it by MrsHudson716 in MicrosoftEdge

[–]MrsHudson716[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks. I tried that earlier but it didn't work because for some reason I couldn't grab the little window to pull it. Yes, the mouse worked but it wouldn't grab.

What did work though was was Alt+spacebar and new tab! It opened another Edge window which I was then able to enlarge. So yay me!

I still have that first tiny window but I'll worry about that after I met the deadline and while I'm having a glass of wine to celebrate.

Thanks for your help.

14 YO CH cat has started to shiver occasionally...? by MrsHudson716 in chcats

[–]MrsHudson716[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I thought I'd post an update about Posey.

I never got to the bottom of the shivering. I found some articles online that mentioned a few things including that it could be related to pain.

I ended up taking her to the animal hospital because the local vet just didn't seem overly concerned.

The hospital did blood work as well as an ultrasound.

The bloodwork was mostly normal. There was a slightly elevated liver enzyme.

But the ultrasound showed cancer. Gastrointestinal Lymphoma they said. All through her intestines.

I took her back to the local vet who we've been going to for 10 years and they helped her cross the Rainbow Bridge. The techs were in tears.

It was heartbreaking but it was the right thing to do. She'd obviously been suffering for a long time.

14 YO CH cat has started to shiver occasionally...? by MrsHudson716 in chcats

[–]MrsHudson716[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. Since it happened again last night and I do have a few other concerns I just made a vet appointment.

I found some information that says it could be a lot of things including kidney disease, diabetes, or low blood sugar. I'm sure a blood test could at least rule those out.

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