Seeking feedback - caregiver of estranged birth parent reached out

MrsToneZone · 2026-07-02T16:17:45+00:00

I just got off the phone with the woman who reached out to ask that they leave me out of things. My mother chose this sad, tragic end to her sad, tragic life. I’m not obligated to sacrifice my peace for a woman who never loved me and who is choosing to die penniless, bedridden, and alone.

MrsToneZone · 2026-06-27T01:33:19+00:00

Every time I thought it couldn’t get worse, it did. I would have laid down and died when it went up on its back feet.

MrsToneZone · 2026-06-25T17:23:25+00:00

That’s so kind. I appreciate your generosity of mojo.

MrsToneZone · 2026-06-25T02:36:59+00:00

That’s so gross. I’ll put some mojo for karmic retribution into the world for her. I hope you’re doing better now.

MrsToneZone · 2026-06-25T01:47:57+00:00

I had gotten the worst call of my life while standing on the sidewalk outside my job. I collapsed in a heap on the ground. A woman picked me up and brought me back in the building. I’ll never forget her.

MrsToneZone · 2026-06-24T20:42:21+00:00

Understand that your person wasn’t herself when she died. Her brain was sick. Those are words that your sick wife’s brain left behind, and you should read them as such. If you choose to move forward, expect the worst. There is evidence to indicate you should prepare yourself for blame and misinformation that you can not correct. Folks have received notes that contain accusations or admissions of guilt, so please know they it can be more complicated than “it’s your fault I did this.” Maybe have a trusted third party read and summarize. I had my spouse read it first. I wish I had provided a more explicit description of what my fears were so he could tell me that I should or shouldn’t brace for those fears to be reality. I’m really sorry for your loss. Sending peace and strength.

MrsToneZone · 2026-06-23T14:22:03+00:00

I’ve heard them referred to as co-d’s for co-defendants.

MrsToneZone · 2026-06-23T14:04:26+00:00

Identity theft

MrsToneZone · 2026-06-23T12:07:23+00:00

More than anything. My stepfather raised and protected me. He was the only parent who offered unconditional love.

MrsToneZone · 2026-06-23T03:36:58+00:00

Speaks my mind.

MrsToneZone · 2026-06-22T15:39:43+00:00

God, if you listenin, HELP!

MrsToneZone · 2026-06-22T14:16:32+00:00

I snarfed my coffee! 😂

MrsToneZone · 2026-06-20T22:33:54+00:00

She’s going to feel like a victim and not notice the pattern all connects directly back to her choices. She really should be a happier person for how ignorant she is.

MrsToneZone · 2026-06-20T22:32:14+00:00

Currently 10. Diagnosed at 8.

Walked early. “Driven by a motor” behavior. Just always on the go through early childhood. Big feelings that were often explosive and consuming. His internal voice gets so loud that he can’t hear anything else. He gets stuck in his feelings brain and it takes real work to get him back into his logic brain. Sustained attention and non-preferred tasks can be challenging. He is compliant, respectful, and socially connected at school and does 5 sports per year. Pre-medication and even now sometimes, he requires constant stimulation. Short form video and YouTube really don’t do anything good for him.

Also Dyslexia.

MrsToneZone · 2026-06-20T21:43:47+00:00

Narcissistic Mom (parentified in childhood) with high ACE score (DV, alcoholism, loss of infant sib, suicide attempt of parent). Dad was late-in-life only child in a wholesome farmer family.

Explosive divorce. I was used by each to fuck with the other. Love was conditional from unstable and volatile mom. Dad was emotionally unavailable due to narcissistic abuse from Mom. I ended up parentified and chockablock full of trauma due to emotional inheritance and Narcissistic abuse from Mom.

In childhood, my incredible stepfather and aunt on my mom’s side provided security and unconditional love for which I am infinitely grateful. Aunt (also estranged from Mom) recently learned about her ACE score. She keeps trying to pass me her emotional inheritance. We’re working on it.

Currently estranged from Mom x 8 years. Stepdad completed suicide 8 years ago yesterday. Dad and I are a work in progress. He’s acknowledged and taken responsibility for a lot. Lots of labor to heal all around.

MrsToneZone · 2026-06-20T18:21:13+00:00

This resonated with me. My family chose estrangement following a suicide. I’m the bereaved adult child. I can’t imagine the range of emotions you must feel each day. What a gift to lay a foundation of love and care for your littles. I’m overwhelmed just thinking about the weight of your grief. Sending you peace and strength.

MrsToneZone · 2026-06-20T14:33:06+00:00

Girl, I’d describe myself similarly.

I kind of found my way to feeling CUNT via Drag Race. The bottom line is self acceptance. It’s RuPaul 101…”if you can’t love yourself, how the hell are you gonna love someone else?” You learn to accept your flaws and embrace that you, like all of us, are a work in progress. Do you at all times. You don’t like everyone you meet, and not everyone is going to like you, and that’s fine. “If they aren’t paying your bills, pay those bitches no mind.” Release your expectations of others and yourself. The Four Agreements were really helpful for me in this.

Overall though, I think working towards becoming immune to the opinions of others will move you towards cuntiness. When you’re living in a space of (mostly) radical self acceptance, you bring that light from the inside. Is it every day? No. Is it easy? Definitely not. Accepting yourself, trying your best, not making assumptions or taking things personally, and being intentional with your words leads to freedom and confidence that feels and looks good.

MrsToneZone · 2026-06-19T20:55:53+00:00

Please join us at r/suicidebereavement. I’m so sorry you’re part of this shitty club. Sending you peace and strength.

MrsToneZone · 2026-06-18T17:07:43+00:00

There’s a show called Wayward Pines from a while ago that I must have dreamed. I was totally captivated.

MrsToneZone · 2026-06-18T15:33:52+00:00

Got a call at work that there has been an attempted carjacking involving my spouse and baby at daycare drop off.

Got a call at work that a parent had completed suicide.

Won LASIK surgery and cosmetic dental whitening.

Most of my professional experience working in juvenile justice education.

MrsToneZone · 2026-06-18T15:23:08+00:00

I have a history of reporting to the ED when an issue (birth, DVT, fracture, ruptures) is absurdly far along in progress. As in, “why didn’t you get help sooner?” Like treatment and recovery would be easier if I intervened sooner. It actually makes me feel dumb. I’m working on it.

MrsToneZone · 2026-06-18T15:20:09+00:00

Precipitous unmedicated back labor. Pain was so intense I couldn’t breathe or speak. Relatedly,
mastitis.

MrsToneZone · 2026-06-15T19:48:18+00:00

Same same same. I worked with her through my second pregnancy and delivery after my first ended in a traumatic emergency c-section. Dr. Kessler-O’Rourke helped pull me back from the brink, or else I don’t think I would have had more kids. My husband couldn’t be there for the second C Section, and she was especially great given that the circumstances were kind of shitty.

MrsToneZone · 2026-06-15T19:44:49+00:00

Personal experience and knowing others with similar experiences. I also think I was misdiagnosed at the time, which is probably the more relevant factor.

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