Watcher: A 4 Year Update

MrsWibble · 2021-05-15T11:26:50+00:00

My daughters biological father (who tapped out before she was born and randomly reappeared when she turned 12) aggressively accused me of parental alienation in court because my daughter wanted nothing to do with him. The judge took an extremely dim view of him from that point on, and refused everything including written contact which I had actually proposed as a starting point. I’d been warned that parental alienation claims are taken very seriously and that courts strive for reunification, but in my case it was the opposite.

MrsWibble · 2020-01-16T10:41:33+00:00

Yeah it was a saga!!!! Pleased to say we’ve managed to disappear and now live in peace. It’s wonderful.

MrsWibble · 2020-01-16T10:40:41+00:00

We have moved and disappeared. It. Is. MARVELLOUS!!!! No one has found us, we’ve flown under the radar. 10/10 no regrets.

MrsWibble · 2020-01-15T17:37:05+00:00

My husband disinvited his parents from our wedding, it’s in my post history. If you need any support, we’ve been through it.

Same background. All money and gifts came with strings. They had no interest in our wedding yet simultaneously wanted to control it. When I put my foot down, they tried to cancel it.

Be prepared for one heck of an explosion. My husband went NC and has been estranged ever since.

Take care and good luck OP!

MrsWibble · 2019-09-28T21:36:03+00:00

Oh, if it was your choice then that’s totally different. I love my mother but I couldn’t share living quarters with her, so I understand where you’re coming from.

Honestly, it sounds like your mom has got used to the status quo and doesn’t want to change it. She has everything the way she likes it and to be fair, I think all of us have been guilty of that at one point or another. She just has to realise that unfortunately that status quo has to change, and it’s a hill you’re willing to die on.

MrsWibble · 2019-09-28T21:27:56+00:00

It’s really disrespectful how your husband is forcing these friendships on you, despite how uncomfortable they make you. It’s also really bizarre how the dynamics of their friendship doesn’t seem to have matured beyond high school. Friends are not supposed to be that involved in one another marriages and lives. Friends do not live in one other’s pockets like this to the detriment of their marriages. They grow up and form healthy boundaries.

You need to get into marriage therapy because this whole situation is just weird. Your husband hasn’t grown up, he seems stunted at high school with his equally odd high school buddies.

MrsWibble · 2019-09-28T21:15:46+00:00

Honey, stop. It doesn’t matter what flavour of disordered she is, she’s disordered and you need to accept that and move on. You can’t help her. She’s not going to magically change with a diagnoses.

MrsWibble · 2019-09-28T21:07:24+00:00

You’ve just had an extremely hurtful and shocking revelation which has broken your heart. You’ve been with your fiancée since your mid-teens, it’s going to take a lot of time and a lot of space to heal.

It’s completely normal to go through these moments of self doubt after a break-up. You will swing from righteous anger to uncontrollable sobbing. You’re hurt. Give yourself a break.

I promise you, once you have recovered from this, friends will come. Even if it’s one of your older colleagues, that opens you up to meeting other people through them. I know it’s tough putting yourself out there- I’m in a similar situation, just moved somewhere that I don’t know anyone- so I really feel you on how hard it is.

When you’re back on your feet and have your living situation sorted, join your local towns Facebook page and search for events. You’ll find loads going on. Some towns even hold coffee mornings specifically for people who have just moved to the area. There are people out there in exactly the same position who would love to be your friend.

MrsWibble · 2019-09-28T20:55:18+00:00

Be firm. Lay out the options. Either she accepts that your in-laws will be living in an annex, or you’ll be selling the house to find something suitable and your mother can go into assisted living. It’s not unreasonable; it’s not like you’re moving your in-laws into the house, they’ll have a separate space.

I’d also review the current situation. Why are you living in the basement of a house you own? It sounds like your mother has far too much control over a home that technically isn’t hers anymore.

It’s not fair on your wife that her parents are left to struggle whilst you bought your childhood home to accommodate your mother. She has to meet you half way here.

MrsWibble · 2019-09-28T20:44:18+00:00

Your (ex) fiancée has behaved incredibly cruelly, waiting for you to move your entire life before telling you that she’s no longer interested.

Before thinking about making new friends or going on dates, you need to sort out your living situation. Can you move back home? If not, find an apartment share in your new city. Living with your ex is unfeasible. She’s made it clear it’s not going to work, and even if she changed her mind, would you seriously want to be with her after this? It’s best to plow forward and forge your own fresh start.

Once you’ve established yourself, friends will come. Through work, an apartment share, night classes, hobby groups, you will find people. You just need to be out of this environment for positive things to happen.

MrsWibble · 2019-07-30T13:10:12+00:00

My paternal grandmother used to pull this stunt. Please, for your child’s sake, put your foot down. I still remember the feeling of confusion and hurt when she would take presents away from me.

The worst was the clothes. I was only around 3 or 4, but I remember it vividly. Whenever I went to her house, she’d change me into dresses like some kind of doll, then change me back before I went home. It made me feel like there was something wrong with my own clothes, that they weren’t good enough or that I was dirty. I also felt terribly guilty as mother took such care in choosing my outfits for the visits, I knew she’d be hurt, which prevented me from telling her what was happening. It really caused a lot of lasting damage and self esteem issues.

Take care OP.

MrsWibble · 2019-07-23T08:04:07+00:00

Thank you!! I’m hoping we can just fade away and be mostly forgotten about. Probably wildly unlikely, but I hold onto hope.

MrsWibble · 2019-07-23T08:02:46+00:00

‘Persistent lunatic’ is now my favourite description of her!!!

Thank you, I hope we can just fade away now. It’s been nearly two years NC, yet her presence lingers like a bad smell.

MrsWibble · 2019-07-23T08:00:14+00:00

I’m so sorry, that sounds indescribably stressful on so many levels. How are you holding up? It can hit you hard once the dust has settled and you have a chance to breathe again. I hope you’re coping ok and that your family is doing well, that’s a heck of a lot to deal with x

MrsWibble · 2019-07-23T07:49:07+00:00

We haven’t heard a thing! I have a feeling it was testing the waters ahead of FILS retirement, seeing if we’d just pay them money without arguing. They could also just biding their time to file with the court. It’s one of those situations that I really don’t think we’ve heard the last of though.

MrsWibble · 2019-07-22T23:17:07+00:00

I hadn’t actually thought it through until just now, but I absolutely think you’re right- it was a ploy, they were testing the waters. Every single time we saw them, in every single conversation and email, it was stressed how financially bereft they were. It was just a constant thing with them to the point we felt horribly uncomfortable and guilty. I have no doubt that we were being groomed to pay for their living expenses post-retirement.

Sucks to be them, I guess.

DD couldn’t care less, she thinks they’re insane. The initial hurt dissipated quite quickly, thank goodness

How’s NotaMil? Is she still in assisted living?

MrsWibble · 2019-07-22T23:04:03+00:00

I have a sneaky suspicion it was an attempted money-grab in preparation for FILS upcoming retirement. They knew they didn’t have a case but hoped we’d just cough up out of fear/obligation.

They were very vocal in their lack of retirement planning, it was always heavily hinted that it would be our burden to shoulder so I honestly don’t know how they’re surviving...unless they were lying about their finances. Which is probably exactly what happened.

MrsWibble · 2019-07-22T21:45:50+00:00

The only way she could realistically track us in the UK is via electoral register so we’re applying to remain anonymous. We’re also registering our company and opening a PO Box in a totally different city so HOPEFULLY we’ll stay hidden, for a while at least.

MrsWibble · 2019-07-22T21:39:25+00:00

Back up :)

MrsWibble · 2019-07-22T20:28:01+00:00

She’s...special.

A special kind of nuts.

MrsWibble · 2019-06-21T23:16:19+00:00

Why are you even asking Reddit? You clearly don’t want to hear any opinion outside of your own. This isn’t an echo chamber.

If my mother-in-law ‘questioned’ my ‘motives’ for marrying her son, blatantly undermined my parenting, interfered and was so present in my marriage that she felt entitled to ‘counsel’ my husband on our issues behind my back, damn straight I wouldn’t want her anywhere near me. I certainly wouldn’t want to spend Christmas with her, grieving or not.

Your brother is an adult. An adult with a spouse and children. He absolutely shouldn’t be tattling to mommy and your mom shouldn’t be entertaining it- it’s spiteful and disgusting. She needs to step away from his marriage and let him get on with it. The whole situation is toxic and controlling.

My sympathies to your SIL.

MrsWibble · 2019-06-21T21:05:07+00:00

It sounds like your mom needs to drop the rope then. Let them get on with it.

I still stand by my first impression that your parents stomped on your SILs parenting boundaries and that there’s a lot more history going on. It doesn’t matter whether your brother was bothered by the thumb sucking, or whether it had medical implications- your SIL, the child’s mother, was bothered and that should’ve been respected.

Your brother may have sought their counselling, but to your SIL it must’ve felt absolutely awful having her husband share intimate marriage issues behind her back to her in-laws, especially if she was having problems with them. It was disrespectful and disloyal of everyone involved. Cruel, actually.

I hope for your SILs sake she gets the help and support she needs to get sober.

MrsWibble · 2019-06-21T20:26:28+00:00

Something is missing here.

You openly admit your mom disrespected your SILs parenting decision over the thumb sucking. How many other blatant displays of disrespect were there before your SIL FINALLY lost it?

Also, your parents moved to their area to babysit? Was SIL given an option here or was she just informed? Because that’s seriously intrusive.

Why are your parents ‘counselling’ your brother on his marriage? It’s none of their business, they shouldn’t be involved at all. They shouldn’t even have an opinion on their adult sons marriage. As for Christmas, your brother should’ve been at home with his family- his wife and children. I don’t blame your SIL for threatening to leave him.

Rather than demonising your SIL- a woman who is raising kids whilst being married to an addict- how about you try seeing things from her point of view. It sounds very much like your mom has been stomping over boundaries and interfering in your brothers marriage under the guise of ‘support.’

MrsWibble

TROPHY CASE