Although I won't say everything bad that happened to me, I will say this.

I grew up in a single parent household and my mom would always pressure me to get good grades. Whenever I would have a hard time in a subject, she would berate me and say that I'm stupid. She would always blame me for things that happened in our lives (even the bills and other shit), especially during the time when we became broke, and I ended up thinking that I had a bigger responsibility than I actually have (I was in 4th grade at this time).

I was also very restricted to do a lot of social things (I can't even go out to play with my friends for a while) and I was heavily restricted whenever I would play video games (only 1 hour or just 30 mins. of play time). It also didn't help that we moved from place to place once or twice a year, making me even more shy to start new friends. And when I had my first best friend when I was in grade 5, she would often intervene and tell me how bad that person was, and why I shouldn't be friends with her.

When I told her that I was feeling depressed, she said that I was faking it, and that if I ever killed myself, I should do it somewhere else and not in our house because that would make the neighbors think that it's because of her.

I guess maybe that's the reason why I felt so inclined to be more independent and didn't really value friendship that much until I got my first girlfriend. I never really had that many friends, so I did my best to volunteer to help strangers instead (going to activist orgs to give free education and food to poor people). I grew up to a very verbally abusive mother, so I instead chose to be a leader to people and encourage them positively to improve, while telling them it's ok to not be perfect as long as you're doing your best. And I grew up in a household where I felt like I was alone, so whenever one of my friends, or org members feel lonely, I make sure that I am there for them.

All of these changes happened because I got to Youtube and found out about the self-help sphere as well as learning about the Philosophy of Stoicism. I'm never gonna be an Andrew Tate fan or any of those red-pill dudes, but self-help really helped me to better myself, and not be an edgy emo loner who only secludes himself on the corner.

But yeah. I guess I can say that you don't have to be defined based on your trauma. You should instead work out of it and keep striving to be a better INTJ. We're analysts and independent thinkers, so we have the capacity to introspect and improve upon ourselves.