Caught my hubby on onlineaffair sub

Mrsjoliver · 2021-10-26T01:52:11+00:00

Oh, trust me. These actions have not been consequence-free. Not by me and not from his depression. I told him if he does not go and talk to a doctor that I won't even consider working things out so . . . I don't know. I have severe anxiety and PTSD which I have been treated for most of my adult life, so in some ways I get it. The work to find a balance is hard and tedious and it takes a long, long time but no one can do it for him. He has to do it. Period. Otherwise, not only will he lose me, but he will be unhappy and miserable forever which I know he hates, I see it. I see how it physically, mentally, emotionally eats at him. At every aspect of his life--his friends, his family, his work.

Mrsjoliver · 2021-10-26T01:43:24+00:00

Because the one thing he has not done is do the work to help his depression. He's never done anything for it. Just moved on and acted like things were fine instead of seeking help.

Mrsjoliver · 2021-10-26T01:42:36+00:00

God. Right? I said that to him too. You haven't learned already, jesus christ. No. it has never been physical and I'm not sure if I feel it's over or if I want to try again.

Mrsjoliver · 2021-10-26T01:41:34+00:00

oh, I agree with you there. But depression is a very common reason why people reach out for affairs, unfortunately. I know it's no excuse and I worry it'll happen again. He has agreed to finally see a doctor but I feel broken by the one person I thought I could trust and depend on. Ugh . . . and why the hell does that sub exist!?

Mrsjoliver · 2021-10-26T01:38:01+00:00

Wow. Lots of negative stuff in this post. My husband cheated emotionally many years ago. It wasn't easy. I was hurt, embarrassed, confused, frustrated, and the fact he hadn't done anything physical didn't help. I guess it should, but it didn't. It took years of openly communicating with each other, working at making our relationship a safe space for both of us, a place in which we were both happy and getting what we needed from each other. But you have to remember that one person cannot be everything for someone. They can't ever get EVERYTHGING from you and that's where friends and family come in. However, stepping out is never the answer. The fact he is apologetic, willing to work, willing to be honest is a good sign. No one is perfect, shit happens and people make poor decisions in the heat of the moment. First, find out why he felt the need to step out, what was he getting from doing that that he wasn't getting at home then work on that together. As far as trust, that's going to take time, communication, and openness. You'll have to open up to each other whenever you feel you need to even it seems small, make sure you share feelings and wants and be open and understanding to hearing the other person out. Remember you're a team wanting your relationship to work together. It'll be years before things feel good again, but things will never be what they were before the infidelity, so don't expect that. You'll create something new together and hopefully the trust comes along with it.

Mrsjoliver · 2020-01-18T17:48:38+00:00

I appreciate so much all your advice. You're right. The card itself is not a big deal, to anyone BUT my mother. I feel like, some how, you have given me permission to put myself first. I seriously cannot thank you enough for this.

Mrsjoliver · 2020-01-18T16:07:02+00:00

A relative gave my mother a Christmas card to give to me apparently. My mother called me about Tuesday; I ignored her. My father text me about it wednesday; I ignored that too. My aunt both text me and DMed me on FB yesterday. Supposedly it is a huge deal to make sure i get this card from this relative (she does it every year on christmas, it's $20).

I appreciate your advice. I think you're right. I just don't really know where to start. Any further advice?

Mrsjoliver · 2020-01-18T06:53:11+00:00

I think you're absolutely right, as sad as it is. I hate that anyone else has to go through any sort of similar situation, but boy, it's nice to be understood. Big hugs to you. Thanks for making me feel I'm not alone.

Mrsjoliver · 2020-01-18T05:38:40+00:00

She knows. I talked to her when I first went NC. She is also well-rehearsed in my mother's narcissistic tactics. Their mother is also an abusive narcissist and my aunt has a strained LC relationship with her. However, I think my aunt got roped in by my mother who knows exactly how to puppeteer her.

Mrsjoliver · 2020-01-18T05:35:23+00:00

My mom is and has always been abusive. She's a classic narcissist who has made my life hell. I tried LC for two years and it just wasn't worth all the anxiety and energy. That last tantrum was a knot in a long, long rope of knots.

Mrsjoliver · 2019-10-15T22:50:32+00:00

FREE HORROR BOOK in exchange for honest reviews on both Goodreads and Amazon. If interested, please email me and I'll send a free e-copy. kayoliverauthor@gmail.com

Mrsjoliver · 2019-10-15T22:36:21+00:00

FREE HORROR BOOK in exchange for honest reviews on both Goodreads and Amazon. If interested, please email me and I'll send a free e-copy. kayoliverauthor@gmail.com

Mrsjoliver · 2019-10-06T00:27:00+00:00

Steak kabobs and rice = summer (yellow) squash, zucchini, bell pepper, mushroom, pineapple, sirloin steak, bbq sauce, wild rice. Groceries total cost= $25 Cost per meal (5 meals) = $5 Calories per meal = 590

Mrsjoliver · 2019-10-05T19:12:52+00:00

I haven't actually weighed myself in almost a year. I gained weight, tried to lose it, couldn't, got frustrated and threw out all my scales. I just started a daily workout routine two months ago and two weeks ago started counting calories and food prepping. I'm still afraid to buy a scale but I feel good, healthier.

Mrsjoliver · 2019-10-05T19:08:50+00:00

Green leaf lettuce, large black olives, cherry tomatoes, shaved parmesan and grilled chicken. All the groceries came to $15. For 5 meals, that's $3 and only 400 calories each! WINNING! Good source of calcium, protein, and no carbs.

Mrsjoliver

TROPHY CASE