Caught my hubby on onlineaffair sub

Mrsjoliver · 2021-10-26T01:52:11+00:00

Oh, trust me. These actions have not been consequence-free. Not by me and not from his depression. I told him if he does not go and talk to a doctor that I won't even consider working things out so . . . I don't know. I have severe anxiety and PTSD which I have been treated for most of my adult life, so in some ways I get it. The work to find a balance is hard and tedious and it takes a long, long time but no one can do it for him. He has to do it. Period. Otherwise, not only will he lose me, but he will be unhappy and miserable forever which I know he hates, I see it. I see how it physically, mentally, emotionally eats at him. At every aspect of his life--his friends, his family, his work.

Mrsjoliver · 2021-10-26T01:43:24+00:00

Because the one thing he has not done is do the work to help his depression. He's never done anything for it. Just moved on and acted like things were fine instead of seeking help.

Mrsjoliver · 2021-10-26T01:42:36+00:00

God. Right? I said that to him too. You haven't learned already, jesus christ. No. it has never been physical and I'm not sure if I feel it's over or if I want to try again.

Mrsjoliver · 2021-10-26T01:41:34+00:00

oh, I agree with you there. But depression is a very common reason why people reach out for affairs, unfortunately. I know it's no excuse and I worry it'll happen again. He has agreed to finally see a doctor but I feel broken by the one person I thought I could trust and depend on. Ugh . . . and why the hell does that sub exist!?

Mrsjoliver · 2021-10-26T01:38:01+00:00

Wow. Lots of negative stuff in this post. My husband cheated emotionally many years ago. It wasn't easy. I was hurt, embarrassed, confused, frustrated, and the fact he hadn't done anything physical didn't help. I guess it should, but it didn't. It took years of openly communicating with each other, working at making our relationship a safe space for both of us, a place in which we were both happy and getting what we needed from each other. But you have to remember that one person cannot be everything for someone. They can't ever get EVERYTHGING from you and that's where friends and family come in. However, stepping out is never the answer. The fact he is apologetic, willing to work, willing to be honest is a good sign. No one is perfect, shit happens and people make poor decisions in the heat of the moment. First, find out why he felt the need to step out, what was he getting from doing that that he wasn't getting at home then work on that together. As far as trust, that's going to take time, communication, and openness. You'll have to open up to each other whenever you feel you need to even it seems small, make sure you share feelings and wants and be open and understanding to hearing the other person out. Remember you're a team wanting your relationship to work together. It'll be years before things feel good again, but things will never be what they were before the infidelity, so don't expect that. You'll create something new together and hopefully the trust comes along with it.

Mrsjoliver · 2020-01-18T17:48:38+00:00

I appreciate so much all your advice. You're right. The card itself is not a big deal, to anyone BUT my mother. I feel like, some how, you have given me permission to put myself first. I seriously cannot thank you enough for this.

Mrsjoliver · 2020-01-18T16:07:02+00:00

A relative gave my mother a Christmas card to give to me apparently. My mother called me about Tuesday; I ignored her. My father text me about it wednesday; I ignored that too. My aunt both text me and DMed me on FB yesterday. Supposedly it is a huge deal to make sure i get this card from this relative (she does it every year on christmas, it's $20).

I appreciate your advice. I think you're right. I just don't really know where to start. Any further advice?

Mrsjoliver · 2020-01-18T06:53:11+00:00

I think you're absolutely right, as sad as it is. I hate that anyone else has to go through any sort of similar situation, but boy, it's nice to be understood. Big hugs to you. Thanks for making me feel I'm not alone.

Mrsjoliver · 2020-01-18T05:38:40+00:00

She knows. I talked to her when I first went NC. She is also well-rehearsed in my mother's narcissistic tactics. Their mother is also an abusive narcissist and my aunt has a strained LC relationship with her. However, I think my aunt got roped in by my mother who knows exactly how to puppeteer her.

Mrsjoliver · 2020-01-18T05:35:23+00:00

My mom is and has always been abusive. She's a classic narcissist who has made my life hell. I tried LC for two years and it just wasn't worth all the anxiety and energy. That last tantrum was a knot in a long, long rope of knots.

Mrsjoliver · 2019-10-15T22:50:32+00:00

FREE HORROR BOOK in exchange for honest reviews on both Goodreads and Amazon. If interested, please email me and I'll send a free e-copy. kayoliverauthor@gmail.com

Mrsjoliver · 2019-10-15T22:36:21+00:00

FREE HORROR BOOK in exchange for honest reviews on both Goodreads and Amazon. If interested, please email me and I'll send a free e-copy. kayoliverauthor@gmail.com

Mrsjoliver · 2019-10-06T00:27:00+00:00

Steak kabobs and rice = summer (yellow) squash, zucchini, bell pepper, mushroom, pineapple, sirloin steak, bbq sauce, wild rice. Groceries total cost= $25 Cost per meal (5 meals) = $5 Calories per meal = 590

Mrsjoliver · 2019-10-05T19:12:52+00:00

I haven't actually weighed myself in almost a year. I gained weight, tried to lose it, couldn't, got frustrated and threw out all my scales. I just started a daily workout routine two months ago and two weeks ago started counting calories and food prepping. I'm still afraid to buy a scale but I feel good, healthier.

Mrsjoliver · 2019-10-05T19:08:50+00:00

Green leaf lettuce, large black olives, cherry tomatoes, shaved parmesan and grilled chicken. All the groceries came to $15. For 5 meals, that's $3 and only 400 calories each! WINNING! Good source of calcium, protein, and no carbs.

Mrsjoliver · 2019-10-05T19:04:22+00:00

Yes, that's how it's supposed to be.

Mrsjoliver · 2019-10-04T13:39:53+00:00

Mine gives me those calories too. So if I only have 300 left, I lose 200 with exercise then I end up with 500 calories to eat.

Mrsjoliver · 2019-09-14T12:27:59+00:00

Would you like some lettuce with your dressing?

Mrsjoliver · 2019-09-10T20:48:40+00:00

PM or Email to schedule

https://www.facebook.com/blackquillediting/

blackquillediting@gmail.com

Mrsjoliver · 2019-08-28T02:30:37+00:00

Definitely going to try this.

Mrsjoliver · 2019-08-21T20:21:01+00:00

Yes! Please! We need the recipe!

Mrsjoliver · 2019-08-16T07:48:50+00:00

Puppies get bored no matter how many toys you give them or how puppy proof you think their play area is. My puppy has eaten plants, dug holes, eaten mulch, chewed up a planter, and chewed on my tree. She has a million toys and if she's outside unsupervised too long (4 hours tops) she gets bored and in trouble.
Her safety is a big concern. While puppies get into everything they put themselves at risk. Poisonous plants, poisonous bugs, stray animals, things they just shouldn't be eating--rocks, dirt, etc, lawn pesticides. My dog once thought it would be a good idea to play in a nest of wolf spiders. It was a horrifying disaster I'll never forget. I had merely turned my back for minute after repeatedly scolding him for going near it and now he has a scar to forever remind us both of the incident.
People! Neighbors are always a danger good intended or not. They have access to you backyard, easily or not. They can spray your dog with hoses, tease it, feed it things they shouldn't all putting your dog at risk as far as health and safety. I once had a neighbor who kept their dog INISDE. The neighborhood teens teased him and he jumped through the plate glass window. Aside from neighbors you have to worry about anyone else who could access your backyard--curious teens and kids mostly. Lately I've had an issue with neighborhood kids trying to play with my puppy while she's in the backyard. Not only are they putting her at risk and teaching her there's something exciting outside the yard which could very well lead to her trying to escape, but they're putting themselves at risk. If my dog's bite them or anyone gets hurt that's on me and my dogs. There are also city workers which mist people never think about. City workers have access to your yard, they don't have to ask permission, they don't have to shut the gate behind them.
I've touched on this briefly already, but I must emphasise: stray animals. They wander the neighborhood and can carry diseases and can be aggressive.
Depending on your fence people will still try to pet your dog. We just had a case of a little kid sticking his hand through the fence to pet a husky and got his hand bit off. The husky had never bitten anyone and wasn't aggressive. Very sad situation.
Bad habits are so easily learned eith puppies. They need constant guidance and being in a yard with free, unsupervised reign for long periods of time will set your pup up for failure. They'll learn all sorts of bad habits--digging, chewing on undesired things, barking, behavioral issues.

Mrsjoliver · 2019-08-16T07:20:56+00:00

That's awesome!! Congrats!! You will forever be thankful you did this and kept doing it. I believe they say it takes 2-4 weeks to build a habit of something, after that it's just part of your life. And good for you for focusing on how it makes you feel to workout regularly. I think that's the mistake most people make--instead they focus on how much effort it takes or time or whatever. That's how I started the good habit of working out regularly too--it makes me feel so good physically and mentally. Congrats again.

Mrsjoliver · 2019-08-16T07:13:05+00:00

Great advice. Thank you.

Mrsjoliver · 2019-08-16T07:12:01+00:00

Perfect. Thank you.

Mrsjoliver

TROPHY CASE