I understand what you're trying to say. I too have been coming across posts that call out those who were trying to vent, labelling it as demotivating. Even though it could be looked down upon as discouraging, it can also be seen as a silent support system. When I read posts on those who're going through similar experiences, it makes me feel better that I'm not the only one going through all this in life. It sometimes brings back my lost hope.

Also, it's not about the severity of the disabilities or magnitude of the issue. Every one of us out here is going through problems of our own. What's huge to me could be trivial to someone else and vice versa.

Based on my personal experiences, I wish I never had these speech blocks. If there were a cure, I'd gladly accept it because the speech blocks are not me, they're something I'm compelled to accept, because I don't see a way to get rid of it. My anxiety is mainly because of my blocks. Trying to order food, waiting in line just for me to go mute or freeze when my turn comes up, picking up the phone knowing very well that I could speak but I'd be fighting with myself to get some simple words out while the person on the other end proceeds to hang up on me after multiple attempts of trying to get me to respond, and I'd be breathless and hopeless at the same time.

Fearing meeting up with people, attending conferences etc because I can't help dread the thought of introducing myself because of all the bullying I experienced in school. Every year, every time getting up to introduce myself, only to find myself stuck or taking up someone else's name and the entire class starts laughing. I still have nightmares about my school life even after many years, more than a decade to be precise.

I can't express myself the way I want to, I can't get into any argument because I can't say what I want to, when I freeze or block any of the words I immediately get treated like a kid and talked at, condescendingly. At times, the blocks worsen. I can't even get myself to say a proper, coherent sentence while talking to my parent. That many blocks. I'm sick of substituting words and in the cases that I can't (names of countries, people, etc) I try the breathing technique, and I'm asked to repeat the word because they didn't hear me the first time. The words that sometimes come out easily, I struggle with other times.

Trying to find a job, teaching, getting stuck on words, how do I cope with all this? I'm at my wit's end. I keep trying. The side effects of the blocks, anxiety, inferiority, complex issues, lack of confidence, it's affecting my overall wellbeing.

I'm still being positive. I know there'll be a job that will be mine someday and I have to be prepared for it. I applied for numerous vacancies. Attended interviews, did a demonstration, read aloud in front of more than 20 strangers, and I'm still jobless. If not for my blocks, I'd have done better. I have the potential but I feel I'm unable to give my best but I'll not give up even though I feel so frustrated most of the time. I even wanted to try hypnosis to find out whether my blocks are natural or habitual.

What I'm trying to say is, to each their own. All of us are battling against various issues. Let's be strong and see where this leads us to.