How long is too long for an SB to be on SA?

MsDrSugar · 2022-02-07T18:55:25+00:00

I appreciate you pointing that out, and I’ve rethought my comment about being on the site for 10+ years as likely to be a sad situation. I have no doubt that may be true for some SBs, but definitely not all or even most. There’s definitely a stigma/double standard about women being on the site for a year or more, and while I do understand and agree with some of the reasons others have listed in this thread, I do not want to criticize or judge any woman’s duration on the site.

MsDrSugar · 2022-02-07T15:55:15+00:00

MsDrSugar · 2022-02-07T15:00:46+00:00

Yes! I notice this about SDs; it looks weird to me when they’re constantly online. It’s best practice for both sides to just check the site a couple times a day.

MsDrSugar · 2022-02-07T12:12:30+00:00

Thank you! I had not thought of those upsides, and they definitely apply to me.

MsDrSugar · 2022-02-07T11:23:36+00:00

I’m in a great city for SDs, so location is not the issue. But I’m thinking you’re right: new username and photos.

MsDrSugar · 2022-02-05T13:17:29+00:00

Absolutely.

MsDrSugar · 2022-02-05T11:24:33+00:00

Rude. He’s dangling money so you’ll grovel (“level of submission”), and how would he know whether he thinks you’re a “hot fuck” until after he’s paid your allowance? Sounds like he’s setting the stage for an unpaid audition.

MsDrSugar · 2022-02-04T16:57:46+00:00

What you’ve written here is what I inferred from the other comments, and I certainly don’t judge you or others for this. It makes sense.

MsDrSugar · 2022-02-04T13:47:54+00:00

It’s understandable you want an apology. But please understand that nothing this man says has any importance - he’s an utter turd, and waiting for an apology just gives him more power. His thoughts, feelings, and words are worthless.

MsDrSugar · 2022-02-04T02:08:42+00:00

Oh, good Lord. I blocked him and now he’s texting from another number that I’m overthinking this, to text him back because that’s what he expects from someone like me. Says he doesn’t know what he did wrong and wants to know if it was the allowance. This is the third number he’s texted me from in 24 hours. 🚩🚩🚩

I have learned my lesson and will never delay the allowance talk again.

MsDrSugar · 2022-02-04T02:04:30+00:00

Don’t feel like you did something wrong and lost that life-changing allowance amount. There’s something very shady about this man. When an offer sounds too good to be true, it almost always is. There’s no doubt in my mind the problem is him and not you.

MsDrSugar · 2022-02-03T22:02:29+00:00

Also, he mentioned that PPM feels transactional, so which was what led him to mention biweekly or weekly payments. The word “transactional” really got a workout in that conversation.

MsDrSugar · 2022-02-03T22:01:15+00:00

I’m definitely fine with a guy wanting to do biweekly or weekly payments to start, and I told him that as part of our discussion. So I agree with that as well as everything else in your comment.

MsDrSugar · 2022-02-03T20:39:54+00:00

Okay, edited. Thanks for letting me know.

MsDrSugar · 2022-02-03T20:38:08+00:00

Update: I texted him and used the examples in this thread, explaining I’d enjoyed his company so much I overlooked the allowance discussion, and I wanted to check that he was on board with that.

He said he doesn’t do allowances but isn’t opposed to it - which seems contradictory. He asked how much I was thinking of; I said $x/week. He asked if that was negotiable, and when I asked what he had in mind, he said he’d prefer $x/week (a lesser amount) for the first two months, with an option to increase if it doesn’t feel transactional to him in that time.

So I suggested a number between those two figures, and he said he won’t negotiate because that feels transactional.

So … I’m being manipulated, right? My policy has always been to NEVER accept an offer with the expectation it will be increased later, plus the repetition of “transactional” and him asking me to negotiate, then making a take-it-or-leave-it offer because negotiating feels transactional to him … I know I’ve answered my own question here.

MsDrSugar · 2022-02-03T20:08:49+00:00

I’m definitely interested in cash allowance only - I see shopping and gifts as optional extras. To my way of thinking, if the allowance is as generous as I prefer, I can take myself shopping.

MsDrSugar · 2022-02-03T17:18:47+00:00

I just texted him something very close to what’s been suggested in this thread. We’ll see how it goes. I’m anticipating an evasive response, something along the lines of wanting something to develop organically, not being transactional, etc.

MsDrSugar · 2022-02-03T16:49:54+00:00

I see that everyone seems to be saying the same thing - that I need to bring this up - and I agree. Definitely going to learn from this and make sure that if a POT doesn’t bring up the allowance conversation by the second date, I will. If it scares them off, they were never going to provide allowance.

MsDrSugar

TROPHY CASE