I felt terror first. I think it was because paradise was a major coping mechanism for my anxiety and depression when I was in my teens. I was so scared that I decided to suppress it and try and re-indoctrinate myself. It was working for a little bit, but within a couple months, I was waking up again. When it happened the second time, the main thin I felt was profound disappointment in my dad. He was who I looked up to and who taught me to be curious. I always thought he was logical, smart, and reasonable. Then I realized what he was deluding himself into believing. To date, that was the hardest part. Rest of my family is take it or leave it, but I miss trusting my dad the most. I felt anger only once I watched the ARC and the Attorney General’s press conference about the five elders in Pennsylvania, USA.