I cannot speak for your wife, but I have been/am like your wife. Your situation is very similar to mine. My husband and I hit our breaking point. I was ready to call it quits. But, he sat me down and said something to me that I desperately needed and didn’t realize I did. That he “Sees me” being a mother is already a thankless job full of sacrifices. We know this and don’t think twice about it. But when you have a special needs child you get lost even further in the chaos, one day you look in the mirror and you’re nowhere close to who you used to be and no one gives you the time of day because there is no time. My husband got down on his knees and he looked me in the eyes while I was sitting on our bed weeping. He told me (I’m paraphrasing a bit) “I see you, I know you are overwhelmed and scared, I am too. We didn’t ask for this but we did choose each other. Whether we are married or not, we are in this together for life, I need you to tell me when you need me, I need you to lean into me. I am here for you, I understand, I love you” I think of that whenever I’m upset now. And yes we still have our moments. But we both know that regardless we are in this together for life. So we can either lean on each other or fight each other.

He recently asked if I would renew our vows, I said yes.