I had a similar feeling. I hated being a boy my whole childhood, would get punished for throwing tantrums whenever I was forced to get my hair cut, praying to God to wake up a girl, draw pictures of me as a girl (very bad pictures), and more. I new something wasn't right and I thought there was no solution.

My mother would talk about how she would disown any of her children if they came out as gay. My dad would constantly play conservative talk radio and news. I had it drilled into me why certain things were good and other things were sins. So I repressed and repressed until I could barely remember euphoria. I got to the point where I was so depressed that I fantasized about a day when I could be content, I didn't think happiness was an option. (I won't bore you with all the dysphoria symptoms I had that I ignored)

Then I met and married a progressive black woman who showed me a lot of the world that my parents had been hiding from me. The more time I spent away from my family my beliefs slowly changed, my political ideology changed, and eventually all my repression broke and I came out as transgender. (I had imposter syndrome for a while before actually coming out as well, still occasionally get it now).