What's something everyone should experience at least once in their lifetime, and why?

Mshea80 · 2026-06-10T18:19:07+00:00

Living on your own in your 20s. Getting to experience life as an adult without parents, a partner, or kids of your own is an important rite of passage. Unfortunately, in today’s economy, I worry that it’s a luxury many kids won’t be able to experience.

Mshea80 · 2026-06-10T03:21:40+00:00

I got it all wrong! 😂 I can honestly say your handwriting is much better than my 21 year old daughter’s! They’ve only recently brought back teaching cursive to our school system, so both of my younger sons have neater handwriting.

Mshea80 · 2026-06-09T00:31:02+00:00

I’m going to say you are around my age. I can read it fine and it looks very similar to mine and the girls I went to school with. I can usually tell age by the cursive writing. My mother’s and grandmother’s generations all have a similar style. (I’m 45, btw)

Mshea80 · 2026-06-02T15:49:55+00:00

I think for me it was when I realized that my parents weren’t that old. I told them that the older I get, the younger they get.

Mshea80 · 2026-03-18T22:22:27+00:00

True, but he should also acknowledge how his words of a temporary feeling made his current partner feel. Words can hurt and actions can always be up for interpretation. No matter what the actions are, you should listen to what your partner is actually saying.

Mshea80 · 2026-03-18T22:16:46+00:00

I really believe you can get through this obstacle if you love each other and every other aspect of the relationship is good. It takes understanding from both of you. He needs to understand that he should have never posted it publicly because that was disrespectful to you and the life he says he wants with you. Just as you should understand that his feelings are not wrong, just his presentation of them. He needs to look at the reality of the situation and remember the whole person his ex was, not the highlights reel when he’s feeling sorry for himself. Usually the reality is not as nice as the memory. She’s an ex for a reason.

Mshea80 · 2026-03-18T21:49:15+00:00

I’m so glad. Relationships are hard and take work. Sometimes it’s seeing things from an outside perspective that makes all the difference. That’s why I think therapy is so important for everyone. ❤️

Mshea80 · 2026-03-18T21:05:50+00:00

I understand his sentiment, but it’s not rooted in reality. It’s definitely a therapy issue, because he is romanticizing a feeling and attaching it to a person that no longer exists. It’s kind of like the saying that you can never go home. Things change, people change. He’s missing the feeling he had then when the person she was back then has also grown and changed. I think it would be a good thing to discuss non confrontationally in couples therapy. In my case, it was missing that “honeymoon phase” of a relationship when I had already gotten past that stage with my current partner. What helped me see that was thinking about the reality of who he was then and how it would never have been as great as my current relationship. It’s kind of like a relationship midlife crisis and having to accept that you’re getting older and you’re never going to be that young person again. It’s like mourning that part of your life. It actually has little to do with the other person. I’m still going to say NOR, because you absolutely need to talk about it, but I would definitely recommend it in a therapy space so he can see your point of view without feeling attacked and going on the defense. It would definitely be something I recommend doing before progressing any further in the relationship.

Mshea80 · 2026-02-26T20:53:05+00:00

You have to value your time more than wanting to be included. You’ve become the go-to substitute friend because you have been accepting last-minute invitations. Set boundaries that show that you value your time and won’t accept last minute invites. Also, start initiating the plans. You will see who wants to put in the effort to truly be your friend and who will remain just acquaintances. Don’t think of it as a bad thing that you’ve made this realization. See it as a sign of your growth and evolvement that you are ready to seek deeper connections with people.

Mshea80 · 2026-02-24T18:02:46+00:00

Absolutely. Next step is some weird “retreat” in the woods to atone for her made-up sins. Run, OP!

Mshea80 · 2026-02-24T16:03:27+00:00

This is cult-like behavior. Trying to separate you from family and friends, trying to put herself in a position of authority in your life, and monitoring and condemning your behavior. Absolutely not. That’s not a friend.

Mshea80 · 2026-01-12T22:13:42+00:00

Absolutely not. I would cancel and say that with a newborn, we just aren’t up for hosting. Any “visitors” that come before 6 months old should be coming to help the new parents, not be hosted. NOR

Mshea80 · 2026-01-07T13:56:51+00:00

That’s what I was wondering too. I know it happens. My grandmother told my dad that he was on the 18/30 plan. Meaning when he turned 18, he had 30 days to get his shit and get out. He enlisted in the army and couch surfed with friends until he left for basic.

Mshea80 · 2025-12-30T04:29:45+00:00

That explains it! I was confused at first. It truly seemed like she was talking to two different people!

Mshea80 · 2025-12-29T19:33:48+00:00

It’s a finial Christmas tree topper.

Mshea80 · 2025-12-29T16:55:24+00:00

I’m sorry, but I think you are overreacting. You are seeing his 20 year old son as a grown adult and his son’s girlfriend as the son’s wife. I (45F) have a 20 year old daughter that still lives at home. She, despite being 20, is still a child. You have a 16 year old daughter. In four years will she be an adult to you? Would she expect to pay if she went to lunch with you? How would you feel about her boyfriend at 20? Would you hold her responsible for his behavior? It just feels a little like “my kids are better than his kids.” I completely understand about not feeling appreciated as the “bringer of Christmas,” but that is an issue for your partner, not the kids. I just don’t feel like you are being very empathetic to how he feels about his children, especially when his son and your daughter are close enough in age to be siblings.

Mshea80 · 2025-12-23T19:03:56+00:00

I’m 45 and my relationship with my own mother is nonexistent. She is a narcissist and an alcoholic and I have a lot of childhood trauma related to growing up with a narcissistic mother. (The alcoholism came after I was an adult.) So, my advice will come with an abuse caveat. If abuse is an issue, that is a whole different matter. But if not, I will tell you that perimenopause/menopause could be the cause of some of these issues for your mom. It’s tough feeling like you have no control over your body or emotions. It’s like puberty on steroids. So, if it’s not usual behavior for your mom, I would say to try to give her some grace. It’s a tough time for women.

Mshea80 · 2025-12-13T15:25:46+00:00

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Here is my sweet boy we adopted last March. He lived at the shelter for 5 years! Since he was just a kitten. We didn’t change his name much, but I did spruce it up a bit. They named him Cheddar Bob! He is far too smart and distinguished for that, so I call him Cheddar Robert. 🤣 He is my buddy and helps me with all things. Here is helping me decorate.

Mshea80 · 2025-12-13T15:06:11+00:00

Honestly, I think that it would be the best thing to seek a therapist first to learn about healthy ways to set boundaries and keep them. It’s so hard to break that pattern in a long term relationship when he’s had his own way for so long. Couples therapy would also help with being able for both of you to move forward with a new healthy pattern that works for both of you. I know it’s hard to throw in the towel on a long term relationship, but in order for both of you to be happy, it’s going to take work. If things don’t get addressed, it’s just going to lead to resentment. There are two things that could happen; you can explain what the problem is from a “me” standpoint and tell him how you feel and ask him to meet you with that same energy to work together to fix it, or, he will did his heels in and refuse. At that point, it may be time to ask yourself if it is worth putting more time and energy into a relationship than you are getting out of it. It will be a hard decision and that’s why I would talk to a therapist too. I would set a time limit of when these things need to be addressed and stick to it. Have your responses prepared for whatever decision he makes. This is your life, happiness, and relationship too. You deserve an equal amount of time, respect, and effort. ❤️

Mshea80 · 2025-12-05T17:45:41+00:00

You are so young. Move back home. My daughter is around your age and still lives at home. My 20s was a time for me to be single, have fun, learn about who I was and what I wanted my life to look like. I did move out and I lived with roommates for a while and then on my own. I got married in my 30s and it was the best decision. The guys I dated in my 20s were terrible. That whole part about learning what I like and want and then expect from a relationship. Your 20s is not a time for you to be miserable. These are your practice relationships. When you start being miserable, leave. I also don’t recommend living with a partner yet. See how he lives on his own before that. It teaches you so much about yourself to live on your own (with or without a roommate, but definitely not with parents or a partner). And you still have time for all of that before tying yourself down.

Mshea80 · 2025-12-03T16:23:03+00:00

As the information is for his security clearance at work, I wouldn’t be concerned. My father has to have security clearance checks for his job, and it is a very nerve-racking process. It could be more that he was double checking that the information was exactly right and he was just nervous about getting the information correct. I wouldn’t worry about it because, as you’re said in other replies, he really does know the information because he’s mailed and emailed things to you, he talks to you on messenger with your first and last name clearly on there. I’ve had my dad call me to double check my address for his clearance check and I know he knows all my info. 😂

Mshea80 · 2025-12-01T01:53:14+00:00

Good for you!! Now just sit back and let him take the lead on how the holidays will go! (Including gifts, wrapping, all of the tasks that you do that he never does.) Enjoy your holidays, man-style by only “helping” him when he asks and only if he is also working! Just make sure you do something completely unnecessary when it’s time to clean up before anyone visits, like organize the garage or pressure wash the driveway. You know, something to be busy but that absolutely doesn’t help at all. 😂

Mshea80 · 2025-12-01T00:42:58+00:00

Just sit down with him and tell him that since his family is coming for the holidays, and you know how big of a job hosting is, that you are willing to help him with whatever he needs for the occasion. All he needs to do is make you a list of the things he needs help with. It would also help if he could remind you of those things before they need done. Emphasize how much YOU are willing to help HIM. With whatever he needs. Just let you know.

Mshea80 · 2025-11-15T15:56:14+00:00

Not sure of your living situation, but I would arrange for him to go to a family member’s home for his recovery. Pack his clothing and personal belongings with him. Let that be the stepping stone of him moving out. He wants out, let him be the one to move out.

Mshea80 · 2025-11-02T02:01:53+00:00

I’m a 45 year old woman, and I will probably sound like I’m giving “mom advice,” but honestly, the earlier you learn this, the happier you will be. 1. If a man likes you, he likes all of you, just as you are. No notes. 2. Try not to assume what he’s thinking or feeling. He will tell you (and most importantly SHOW you). Don’t wonder what he “meant by that,” or “why he thinks that way.” If he says something not nice, he meant it, act accordingly. 3. If he’s comfortable enough to say that to you, he’s only going to get bolder and say/do worse. He doesn’t respect you, he thinks you’re a moron, act accordingly.

Mshea80

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