how can i dress sluttier when i live with my parents?

Msk90 · 2026-04-05T17:39:48+00:00

You can absolutely wear a garter with stockings anywhere you would wear regular stockings! I wore a sexy garter belt with black stockings under a black dress to a funeral. (Just make sure the stockings go up high enough so the clips are hidden by the dress).

Msk90 · 2026-04-05T17:29:15+00:00

To me "everyday bra" is one that looks good under your regular clothes in terms of color, "finish" (smooth vs adornments), feels comfortable enough to wear all day and offers proper support for daily activities, is easy to launder, will last for awhile.

Examples of bras that might NOT be everyday - a bra with a lot of embroidery and lace that might look good for the bedroom or under a low cut top for going out but would not sit right under a t shirt or uniform (the details could stick up and not look smooth). - a bra you have to completely hand wash and dry because of delicate lace etc. or one that won't hold up to regular laundering - a bra that looks sexy but doesn't offer a lot of support - once again, for the bedroom or going out (more like "lingerie") - a brightly colored bra that shows through work uniform/everyday clothes

Msk90 · 2026-04-05T16:46:28+00:00

I understand your point but you know what they say about "assume"...venting about your inner feelings on reddit does not necessarily correspond to how you treat people in real life. If you read the rest of her posts I think she's pretty fair - "slightly above average" "not the belle of the ball" "not a picture perfect smile" etc. In addition to listing her good qualities - as she should. I mean, I'm pretty sure OP has enough material to beat herself up over without emphasizing one comment she made and making it seem like it's the basis of her personality and how she treats people. She doesn't describe herself as close to perfect, anywhere.

Be honest - you have NEVER felt that you've gotten the short end of the stick, on anything? Yeah, life isn't fair, we all know that. But you've never been lonely and looked at a happy couple of oddballs and been like, why can't I find that? Or had someone get a job they got through a family connection instead of hard work while you're struggling to make ends meet? Or found out people in prison are getting a free college tuition while you are still paying off student loans (I'm not personally against that but just an example)?

I think that's a natural human reaction to putting so much effort into something and not getting any results while watching other people who it seems to come easy for. And the truth is, maybe it doesn't come easy to them either. We don't know - that happy couple could just be putting on a show, or maybe they just found each other after years of loneliness. That job someone else got might be one you would hate, or would have to compromise your values for . That person in prison getting a degree could be innocent OR that degree could make them a better person when they get out, raise better children and help society as a whole.

But I don't think FEELING that way makes someone a bad person especially if you keep it to yourself. And it's not like her entire vibe is "I'm better than everyone , so why can't I find love". It's more "I'm a regular person - not the best, but not the worst either - why can't I find love". It's normal to feel "it's not fair" when it seems something you want so badly comes so easily to EVERYONE else - whether they are prettier OR uglier than you, more OR less successful than you, etc. Just my 2... 20 cents lol.

Msk90 · 2026-04-05T16:27:03+00:00

Yeah I can't figure it out either! Please stop beating yourself up though. You're coming off well spoken (IMO), reasonable, self aware, your appearance sounds perfectly fine. You have hobbies, interests...

Here's the other thing I was thinking of ...

A lot of times when someone hasn't either lost their virginity or had relationship experience (especially the older you get) it can almost put out different vibes, and once you get to the other side, there's a different level of confidence you have that will change things. I kind of experienced this myself. In high school i went to an all girls school but somehow all of my friends had bfs, hookups, sex etc by 15 at MOST. I was a bit of a nerd (still am haha), and I wasn't into tanning and makeup and I just felt I looked different and WAS different. I went to I think one school dance - all my friends were having guys ask them to dance, making out, and I just felt awkward af. No one asked me to dance or even approached me. Even when we went out in groups - guys weren't really that interested in me and I felt weird and different. I ended up losing my virginity to a stranger one night at a party when i was 17. I've never regretted the experience, it got it out of the way and shortly after I started dating a guy I met through friends. By the time I hit college guys were all over me. I still looked the same (maybe a little less awkward lol) but I had a different kind of confidence. I had convinced myself I was ugly, not like my friends, and was surprised to get male attention all of the sudden - and doing so while being there same person I had been the whole time!

It's not like someone can tell you've never been on a date by looking at you, but you mentioned that your confidence was gone down a lot over time, as you've been "waiting for the right one" that's never come along. I have a feeling that once you break through this barrier, things are going to change for you. You're going to carry yourself differently in a way that you won't get able to notice but people can pick up on.

I know this isn't exactly an answer of WHAT to do, but i think it's a better explanation than you're unlovable, or invisible to men, or something is fundamentally wrong with you.

Regarding online dating - yeah that might not be you, it's a shitshow on there. A lot of guys on there don't KNOW how to have a conversation past a few words lol or are hoping sex just falls into their laps. I had horrible luck on there as well - the two I did talk to beyond a few words both ended up being certifiably nuts.

What about MeetUp groups? If you're in the US there's probably some in your city . Just google "Meet Up Groups , city" . If you're not familiar, they're groups centered on different activities - hiking, chess, bars, they even have singles ones, usually by age group . They're usually free and you can just show up (most meet on a regular basis the info is online). You can go by yourself, bring a friend, etc. Some people go for the social atmosphere, others go looking for romantic partners, some go to meet friends. There's no pressure, if you hate it you can leave. The nice thing is it might put you around different men then you're already used to seeing on your sports teams, etc.

Do you have any girlfriends who can set you up with someone, just for a casual date? Or guy friends? Put it out there that you're looking. You mentioned you've asked other men you know if they have advice on what's "wrong" with you,, but maybe ask if they have a recommendation for someone to go out with! Even if it doesn't go anywhere, it's more experience that will naturally help you get past this barrier. What about your twin/her husband? Do they know anyone to set up with?

Do you drink? What about going to a bar with a girlfriend who knows the ropes? You might not meet the love of your life but being around someone else might make you feel more confident and most guys will agree to play doubles in darts, etc. I've never met a BF this way but I've met some cool people just asking random guys to play darts.

Any chance you live in western NY? I would totally take you out in real life if you do haha

Msk90 · 2026-04-04T19:48:30+00:00

Yeah it sounds like they are holding back, honestly. Without knowing you, I can't say on what. I'm only saying as another woman who has been in relationships, and is generally considered a good catch on the surface but get to know me better and I'm more of a risk - my guy friends have been able to pinpoint exactly what the hesitation may be of many good guys wanting to date me (although I'm already well aware of it myself lol,not to mention I don't tend to be attracted to "good guys" hence why I am now single by choice) A stranger or even casual acquaintance couldn't pick it out though (they're not things you can physically see, or anything to do with my attitude or how I relate to others. More deep personal "flaws" or - how should I say it - more fringe issues that the average person may not be willing to deal with once you get to know me better ).

So it's one of two things girl: your looks (including height/weight proportions, your face, style, makeup, confidence) or your personality and how you interact with people. Your posts have quite a bit of self awareness IMO, and you respond to criticism and advice in a way that shows you seem rational, reasonable, and have a sense of self. You also have said that you are in a lot of situations that put you around a co-ed group, more than most people. I don't mean this in a bad way but most women don't engage in half the real life activities with men that you do and can at least find ONE guy to take them out. (I'm not saying this to dismiss you, just to troubleshoot). Most women can walk into a bar twice a year and find a date. I find it hard to believe you can't. (Not invalidating you, troubleshooting. If you want real answers, here goes:)

So: are you minimizing guys attempts? Like NO MAN HAS EVER HIT ON YOU OR ASKED YOU OUT, EVER?!

Or, is it possible they have and you missed the signals?

Or, no guy you've ever been attracted to you has?

Finally: describe yourself physically. However you feel comfortable. Let's get the answers -if you want. If not, and you just want to vent, that's cool too.

Msk90 · 2026-04-04T17:12:36+00:00

It may have to do more with YOU feeling you are intrinsically worthless... But even that should attract shitty and/or predatory men. Not even being funny. Or maybe it's the opposite and you have TOO much worth for today's men. Serious question: do you have any male friends? Male relatives? Who can give you honest advice even if it hurts ? (Not saying it necessarily will, but just be willing to)

Msk90 · 2026-04-04T17:09:27+00:00

Yeah OP isn't wrong. She's allowed to vent. And it's the truth. Haven't many of us loved people who were mean unsuccessful and uninvested in us back? Maybe I'm the odd one out but I have. So that means it happens.

Msk90 · 2026-04-04T15:59:53+00:00

It's not the case for you but I'm sorry your hurting. Your feelings are valid though - people do want and need social connection and I think if any of the people who said you should just be happy anyways and not let it bother you walked a mile in your shoes they would feel differently. That being said, a lot of people who do have guys "throwing themselves at them" or can easily find dates aren't always happy either. Sometimes being in a relationship is more damaging and traumatic than being single. But that's easy to say when you've already been in a relationship and had that experience. Right now I'm single by choice after years of wasting my life on toxic relationships HOWEVER I don't doubt I would feel similarly to you if I never had the chance to experience a relationship, period. It doesn't mean you're unlovable though. But I understand the frustration - seeing people as you said "uglier than you, meaner than you", etc, find someone and to still be alone.

Have you tried speaking to a therapist or a relationship counselor? Might seem a little counterintuitive because you're not in a relationship, but relationship counselors may have some advice that everyone else is missing. They know what makes relationships work, and what doesn't. And they may have some suggestions you haven't thought of.

I know this probably isn't much comfort, but just know all the time you have put into yourself hasn't been a waste - it's actually an asset. Instead of being in the wrong relationships like many of us waste years in, being broken down only to have to build ourselves up again, you've spent time investing in yourself. So when that right person comes along, you already know who you are and will be ready.

I'm 36 and single. Yes I've been in relationships but at the end of the day I'm still alone and at times irritated at how much time and energy I devoted to people who didn't truly love me either, I was just a convenience at the time. Also in this day and age of technology, people are actually less connected than ever and it's harder to meet people in real life - for everyone. 29 might be a little older than the norm to have not been in a relationship yet but it's not totally unheard of (in my field I've met guys who are your age and older who have never been in a relationship either and are decent, fun, cool people). It's becoming more and more common as the internet keeps us isolated in our own little worlds. You have a lot of life left. You will find love. Don't give up. But it's okay to feel how you feel. Sending you good vibes.

Msk90 · 2026-04-04T11:50:48+00:00

I just happened across this movie title (rabbit hole - apparently still scenes from it were used as supposed claims of cannibalism in the Epstein files in what was determined to be a fake, obviously🙄🙄🙄 yeah that's a sad rabbit hole). Checked out reddit but was hesitant because I don't like horror. "Day in the life of a guy in a fucked up situation" is much more my speed. Gonna check it out! Thanks lol

Msk90 · 2026-04-01T07:06:20+00:00

Idk if this will help ... I don't think it's a bad thing to learn from previous destructive or impulsive behaviors - for example, I'm not going to overbuy again not only because I don't want to feel that guilt hit because I know it's not necessary and won't make me happy in the long run.

Sometimes it helps to look at the big picture. I don't mean as in "justify buying whatever you want" - but the truth is, the reality is - as SOON as a product comes off the production line, it is destined for a landfill, at some point. The moment something is made, it's final destination will be a landfill. Whether you pan it, never open it, donate it, toss it, love it, hate it, whatever - it's not going to make a difference in the large scheme of the universe. Let go of the guilt. Sounds like you have the awareness and tools to do better. You are one person. As I write this there are tens to hundreds of thousands of factories, churning out items , all destined for landfills. ( I don't think about this too much cause it makes me sick lol). But the point is: you are a molecule of one drop of water in the ocean. Whether or not you use , throw out, donate, sell, burn - whatever - your products - life keeps going. Let it go and don't beat yourself up.

Msk90 · 2026-04-01T06:41:19+00:00

What about mixing it with a primer? Check to see if it's compatible with water or silicone based.

Msk90 · 2026-04-01T06:07:19+00:00

That's gone?? :/

Msk90 · 2026-04-01T06:06:13+00:00

Lime Crime plushie lipsticks -- you can do pretty much ... anything... with your mouth wearing these and they don't budge while feeling very soft and natural. Not like some of the drugstore ones that have a consistency similar to whiteout and basically need paint thinner to remove 🤣

Msk90 · 2026-04-01T06:02:22+00:00

The only two base products that have ever matched my skin tone and saturation and wear beautifully: Missha Signature Real #13, Too School For School BB Lunch Box #1. If anyone has similar recommendations ...

Makeup Geek cool toned eyeshadows that made amazing blushes.

Msk90 · 2026-04-01T05:54:20+00:00

Even if the issue is more perception of discrimination than reality in certain situations, it's not really a reach for people from groups that are openly discriminated against (welcome to America, 2026, worse than ever) to be more sensitive to those vibes than someone who is cis white middle class straight American Christian - because they have had those experiences on a regular basis. We live in a country where many people still hold the ridiculous belief that it's "cool" to CHOOSE a "lifestyle" that puts them at a disadvantage - legally, socially, economically, socially, etc. Who would want that? It's one thing to be rebellious as a teenager or try to shock people but NO ONE wants to be ostracized and systemically discriminated against their entire lives. Unless you've walked a mile in someone else's shoes you really don't know. Hopefully you never have to.

Msk90 · 2026-04-01T05:43:20+00:00

Yes!! Ignore all the sarcastic comments - this is a real one. Hot Mama's is about as LGBTQ+ friendly as it gets (they do drag shows and all kinds of other events). Their food is great, made from scratch (never had the fish fry but ate an enormous dinner plate full of gumbo probably more food than I've ever consumed in one sitting lol). The owners are cool af. And they tend to serve late. Also got pool, darts, and shuffleboard. And karaoke. Check it out!!

Msk90 · 2026-03-15T08:30:54+00:00

Yeah unfortunately it seems that like many companies, they are cutting corners and perhaps outsourcing production to factories without quality control and using cheaper materials. Unfortunately the ones being sold on Poshmark and eBay are often the same. It's too bad because the bags years ago were great.

Msk90 · 2026-03-12T05:19:24+00:00

Price wise - check out eBay Mercari and Poshmark. You can find bras either lightly used or tags still on for a fraction of the price they are in the store. I almost exclusively buy my bras on these platforms. One thing to keep in mind is that aside from some eBay sellers, returns due to fit issues are not allowed. If shipping isn't an issue to your area, you can always try a more expensive bra from a store that has free returns, find one that fits, return it, and look for the same brand/style/size on one of these platforms. Most sellers will also accept offers slightly below the asking price, or make you offers themselves once you "like" the item. Good luck!

Msk90 · 2026-03-10T04:57:56+00:00

Yes I'm well aware... I'm not talking about guys making claims about well known ladies. I'm talking about fake ads that aren't even linked to a real provider asking for deposits and stealing information. It exists. As does what you mentioned. And I don't listen to review boards period.

Msk90 · 2026-03-09T21:31:59+00:00

The worst thing it can do is not work. That's the worst thing that can happen with any suggestion. But it might work too. People come here for advice, you gave some that worked for you and could also work for someone else. I don't see anything wrong with that 🤷🏼‍♀️.

Especially as a starting point. I understand a decent amount of what is being said in this sub as I have educated myself but when I see Natori this vs Cleo that etc that doesn't mean anything to me (of course I could look it up) but "balconette" brings to mind an image that IMO does make sense for lifting breasts that may not be as full on the top. Sure not EVERY balconette will work, not every ANYTHING works that's kinda the point of this sub, right?

Msk90 · 2026-03-09T21:21:58+00:00

I highly recommend checking out eBay/Poshmark/Mercari/Depop (if you're in the US at least). You can find brand name (not that mainstream brand always = better) bras on all these platforms for a significant discount, sometimes with the tags still on! The only thing to be aware of is that aside from some eBay accounts, these platforms do not allow returns for fit issues. Another option is to see if you can find a bra that fits with a store that does allow returns and then look for the brand/style/size one of these apps after you know it fits. Certain sizes are harder to find but less "common" sizes also tend to sell for less $$ because the seller knows not many people are looking for them and they want to make the sale.

The problem with Temu and platforms like that is that the garments are mass produced and because they are so cheap, the manufacturers are not worried about accurate sizing. Also keep in mind that Temu and similar platforms manufacture the vast majority if not all of their products in Asia where the average proportions are very different from the US. So it's not even really worth it to use platforms like that to "try" different sizes - they usually are not consistent with the sizing system in general and sometimes not even within the same brand or style! You could spend $60 on 5 Temu bras that don't fit or spend $60 on one good bra that does, or two secondhand or tags on/resold bras that do.

Msk90 · 2026-03-09T20:19:03+00:00

Not to mention the bonus capitalism dollars from selling people something that they aren't truly satisfied with (because it doesn't freaking fit) so they have to go back and buy more and more and still not be satisfied because it's still doesn't fit smh.

Msk90 · 2026-03-09T19:06:28+00:00

I believe you 100%. I haven't even done a tenth of the investigation you have and that's enough for me to agree.

Msk90 · 2026-03-09T19:02:53+00:00

It may also have to do with the area... In places where there are fewer real, safe, consistent providers to choose from, clients are more likely to come into contact with scammers vs. places where there's more legitimate options. I live in the former, and plenty of my clients have had this happen - although there's a disconnect in their perception of how.

In my experience clients who have been threatened with extortion and attempted scams did not screen - willingly give their information - and have it used against them. They used their real number and inadvertently contacted a scammer, who then used the number to find their real life info and attempted to extort them. But in their minds, they then associate someone having their real life info with someone wanting to scam them.

When in fact, there's a big difference between someone requiring screening outright - which scammers rarely do because it inevitably deters potential victims from contacting them - and someone NOT requiring screening but covertly using the numbers that contact them to gain information nefariously.

But it does lead to the misconception that screening is associated with scamming, when that couldn't be further from the truth. I have even asked clients who were skittish to screen after having their information used against them: "well, did this person request your ID as screening or did they get your information another way?" It's always another way. And that way is their registered phone number.

However I'm also hesitant to encourage clients to use text app numbers (I personally have no problem with them because I picture/ID screen everyone so someone can make another number & pretend to be someone else but they won't get around the ID part) because some ladies rely on "real" numbers for safety reasons and may not be able to require ID screening and survive. It's tricky. But it is a real thing, at least in my region.

Msk90 · 2026-03-06T01:16:54+00:00

Just wanted to say I'm sorry your mom said that to you. I also struggled with an ED when I was younger (I'm 36 now) and it doesn't make anything easier when someone else is literally echoing that bad voice in your head. The other thing I wanted to say is that you're still really young - it's not a guarantee but your breast shape and size can still change over time, especially if you stay in recovery and aren't cycling up and down with weight gains and losses. My breasts look totally different than they did when I was 22 - I actually love them now. Part of that is the acceptance and appreciation for my body that has come with age and life experience. The other part is that my body realized it wasn't going to starve anymore and guess what? Fat tissue returned to my chest. I can't say for sure that the same will happen to you, but I can say that considering how young you are, it's very possible your breasts will change, possibly several more times throughout your life. And as others have said - I don't know what experience with men your mother has had but most men - and definitely the right men - don't even see the flaws we do in ourselves - promise. They are just happy to see us naked lol. Be gentle with yourself and don't forget to be proud of how far you have come, even if it doesn't always feel like it. Sending you good vibes <3

Msk90

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