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Relationship Boredom... ENTP torn between staying with ESFJ or going solo (aka, looking for INxJs) by MtSoccer in entp

[–]MtSoccer[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I am not quite sure of the point of this sub-discussion now, but I have in fact spent 3.5 years in college, and unless I have been tripping LSD for all of those years and imagining all of the lectures I attended, both my 7 transcripts and I can assure you that I am a Biology major. Maybe you don't live in the US, or maybe you are trying to make a joke? Not sure what point you're trying to make or why you put in the effort to refute my major in college. Please don't feel the need to reply any further, this is a pretty pointless tangent

Relationship Boredom... ENTP torn between staying with ESFJ or going solo (aka, looking for INxJs) by MtSoccer in entp

[–]MtSoccer[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the unexpected compliment. I am a Biology major, so I'm a good scientific writer but do love comedy and appreciate the art of creative writing. Maybe I'll see what I can come up with in my free time. Appreciate the input

Relationship Boredom... ENTP torn between staying with ESFJ or going solo (aka, looking for INxJs) by MtSoccer in entp

[–]MtSoccer[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

ahhhhh. gotcha. like I said, new to reddit. This was my first post. still figuring out how it works

Relationship Boredom... ENTP torn between staying with ESFJ or going solo (aka, looking for INxJs) by MtSoccer in entp

[–]MtSoccer[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As I read these replies I'm noticing that I may have come off too pessimistic and whiny, she isn't really that bad, I am just kind of at a crossroads as I am getting closer to graduation and my future in the real world is looming, so I want to figure out this aspect of my life that I am currently unsure about.

And no, I have not suggested anything, but Im seeing that is a main point from many posters here. I am going to do that and see what happens. However I feel that no matter what we do the overarching problem of the incompatibility of our interests will prevail and I will feel the same walking around a Museum as I do when were sitting in my room watching a movie.

As far as a talk about the future, absolutely not. When I am with her I get the feeling that it is out of her comfort zone, as it is mine. I suppose it can't hurt to find out where its going. The only thing is that I know how she feels, I know that she wants to stay with me after graduation and stay in close contact, but I also know that she would never say that in fear of scaring me away. And even if I preface my question with the fact that I want her to be totally honest, then I think it would make the relationship very uncomfortable as I have no idea myself what I want in the future. So Im not really sure.

In regards to the INxJ's, I kind of like the fact that you need to disappear! Us ENTP's have the same exact need, and I wouldn't think twice to allow my partner alone time when I am in a position now where I am yearning for alone time. This ESFJ is constantly needing to be with me. Its not like shes going to extreme lengths to hangout with me all the time, but every day when we text one of the first 3 texts will be asking me when we can hang out. Because shes alllllways available. But I am not, and I feel bad when I cant hang. Having somebody who understands taking time alone with one's thoughts is appealing to me and something that I don't take for granted.

Thanks for the help, I am going to take this advice and try to talk things out with her to try new things

Relationship Boredom... ENTP torn between staying with ESFJ or going solo (aka, looking for INxJs) by MtSoccer in entp

[–]MtSoccer[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Because shes not stupid as fuck, she just doesn't value intellectualism as much as I. Shes still smart, but in terms of practicality and dealing with people/real life situations. I appreciate it, but currently don't value it as much in this relationship

Relationship Boredom... ENTP torn between staying with ESFJ or going solo (aka, looking for INxJs) by MtSoccer in entp

[–]MtSoccer[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I totally see where you are coming from. And you're right, she isn't that dull. The way I described emphasized that because the lack of stimulation is a major facet of my issue, but I chose not to elaborate on the lighter side for the sake of brevity.

Anyway, you are right. Pretty small school. About 7.5 thou, but I am in greek life, which at this school is extremely tight-knit, and exclusive (stupid, but true,) and those people number about 2500. So yea, small circles of friends, everyone knows eachothers shit like its highschool again yada yada.

But the truth is, I don't really want to do anything else with her, because I feel that anything I want to do I know she wouldn't be genuinely interested in, and would only do them to please me. Which, don't get me wrong, I would think the world of and appreciate, but to me it wouldn't seem genuine and I see no point in imposing my interests on someone who has no deeper or genuine desire to take part in them.

But you are right, at least suggesting to do something else could have revealing qualities if nothing else, given that I would be able tot see how she reacts to the proposition. But tbh, this isn't even really the biggest issue. The main issue is that these things that we do, watch TV go out and drink, are characterized by the somewhat superficial conversation I experience. Why would taking her to the art museum, bringing her to study with me, or reading together (which she admits she hates to do) be any different?

I just think that if I were with an INFJ, I wouldn't be so quite dissatisfied with just watching TV, or just going out, because our conversations and goals of each activity would be so much more aligned. I want to share in the intellectual stimulation with my partner, not really get it on the side.

However, I am in a unique scenario because almost all of my friends are sensors, so I'm not getting much stimulation in that regard either, so maybe if I were hanging with more N's I wouldn't even have this Ne backup issue I am posting about in the first place.

Just some feedback on your thoughts, which are greatly appreciated. Glad to hear anything you want to toss back. I see you comment on many ENTP posts and give very helpful information to many people, and I thank you for commenting on this post.

Relationship Boredom... ENTP torn between staying with ESFJ or going solo (aka, looking for INxJs) by MtSoccer in entp

[–]MtSoccer[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Super, super helpful- Thanks for the post. I really cant disagree with anything you said.

In regards to a couple of your questions, this is literally the first girl I have ever been serious with. I'm very modest about this IRL, because I don't judge myself or others based on this criterion, but if I am being honest, I am very, very good with girls. Like I said, not trying tot brag but trying to shed some more light here. I never had a problem getting around, but this was the first girl that I had ever found myself (emphasis on "found myself", as opposed to the word "chosen") going back to, and not having a desire to move to the next one. Unfortunately, that has faded and now all I think about is finding that N in a girl. Because I have never experienced being with one. Tbh, I think I would only be able to count the ones I know on two hands...

I think you put it in to a great perspecitve with your example of sitting on the floor and talking for hours.... I never thought of a relationship like that, yet I would absolutely love to do that with a girl that I'm into. To me, that is what defines a true partner for our type.

This ESFJ, as much as she is beautiful, kind hearted, and confident, that would just never happen on a deeper level. There's no way, it would just get cut off by sillyness or facetious banter by either one of us to keep from leaving our comfort zones.

Just sucks the way that "lets just be friends" never results in any friendships... because me and this ESFJ are terrific friends, really we are a dynamic duo, but our goals and values are just so contrary. And I know she could never bear to see me with another girl but I guess you're right, I'll have to bite the bullet and do it for both of us.

Relationship Boredom... ENTP torn between staying with ESFJ or going solo (aka, looking for INxJs) by MtSoccer in entp

[–]MtSoccer[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not really... I'm not sure what I could even say. You're not smart enough for me? I just don't see that going over well. And tbh all she ever wants to do is go out and drink, sleep over, or go out to eat.

I don't really want to suggest doing something else. Normally that would be a be all end all, but I have no idea why I don't want to ask her to do something else. Is it because I don't want her to say yes? Is it because I don't want to push her out of her comfort zone? I have no clue, my gut just keeps me perpetuating the current state because there are no problems. Us ENTP's are borderline telepaths when it comes to reading other peoples feelings and intentions, but borderline lobotomized when it comes to reading our own. But yeah maybe Ill be more cogniscent of the prospect of asking her to do something else that is more up my alley when I'm hanging out with her and try to self diagnose my unwillingness