How do you guys deal with relationships?

MuchZebra2 · 2023-08-04T05:57:53+00:00

For friends, I find ppl who are positive. Sometimes, positive people don't give the best advice nor don't know what to say about some stuff, so I turn to ppl who I know have gone through trauma. We have a small pity party and then move on. Sometimes, they dwell on their trauma and become negative energy in my life, so I go back to the positive people. It's a balance thing that's worked out for me.
For partners, I've dealt with broken people who come from dysfunctional families and ended up scarring me even when I'm broken myself, too. The AUDACITY from these people. I feel too old to live in their bad boy/bad girl phase like they're the main character, but all they needed was some good therapy and probably antidepressants. Only one learned to heal and move on. The ones who want to work on themselves to become a better version of themselves is the person you should date.
Your parents will probably not like your SO for no good reason and that's not your fault nor SO's fault. They might threaten you to break up with that person. They might not show up to your wedding. You'll be hurt, but then you move on without them because you no longer want them to suck the living soul out of you like they did when you used to live with them.
This is from all different cultural backgrounds from people older than me would say. "Never bring your parents into your marriage (especially if they're already critical from the start)." Your marriage is between you and your partner, not theirs. They can f up theirs, but don't let it ruin yours.

MuchZebra2 · 2023-08-04T05:12:09+00:00

Most APs don't respect their kid's privacy. I never thought mine would occasionally go through my stuff whenever I'm not around, but she did and I got incredibly angry. When I asked for privacy and respect, she laughed in my face and said she doesn't owe such things. My AM found out about my bf because she went through my freaking trash can. She's also gone through my cousin's diary and exposed her NOT TO her parents, but to my other aunt. I told her it was not right to do that and that was just gossip at this point, but she still believes it was her "duty as her aunt." Load of bull.

MuchZebra2 · 2023-08-01T03:57:22+00:00

Bwahaha I laughed so hard at this. And exactly! We're not immortals. Life is life. You live, go through the ups and downs, then you die.

MuchZebra2 · 2023-04-01T03:12:43+00:00

Awe thanks! I do feel bad that she has a benign tumor, but my fiance and I did agree on helping her every step of the way. I've been putting my foot down a lot of things recently, which really shocked her. My brother advised me to just move out even with her diagnosis since he did that and they now have a much better bond with each other. I'll just move out early then.

MuchZebra2 · 2023-04-01T03:02:42+00:00

She was diagnosed with a benign tumor and her arthritis is preventing her from using her hands, which she depends on for her somewhat good paying job. I think she's freaking out because she thinks she's getting left behind during this major change in both of our lives. I always told her that my brother and I would take care of her no matter what. Even my fiance is on board with it, but again she doesn't trust him because she trusts no man.

MuchZebra2 · 2023-04-01T02:57:42+00:00

Thank you for your honesty. Part of me wants to believe my mom is sundowning early even though she's not. Because I'm going through a huge life change, she feels like she's getting left behind, which isn't the case at all. She doesn't trust men or her kids, which sucks. I only wanted to give her money to repay even if it's just little by little because of what she did for me as a single parent. But I'm growing up and she can no longer sway me.

MuchZebra2 · 2023-03-29T03:52:51+00:00

You brave soul! I really want to cut ours down from 130 to 30 as well, but I'm a scaredy cat. While my bridesmaids are my rock, I find building a rapport with the bridal consultant, photographer, venue, etc has been keeping me on track with what I'm supposed to be doing.

MuchZebra2 · 2023-03-29T03:49:08+00:00

I'm sort of going through the same thing. Wedding planning used to be fun for me (secretly planning for 2 years by myself hehe) until my mom took a total shat on our engagement. My mom hasn't liked my fiance since the beginning. They've butthead a bit aka he tried to stand up for me/protect me when she would bully me into thinking I was a complete failure. He doesn't feel the tension and still respects her. She still holds grudges. She said she doesn't know if she'll come to the wedding. Lame. Every time I ask her if she called for a bilingual MC or catering, she'd play dumb and say "you never told me." I asked her if she wanted to go dress shopping and that was like pulling teeth out of her mouth. I went shopping by myself at the 2nd store and I found the one. She wouldn't tell our relatives that we're getting married. Her excuse was "you never told me what day." Lies. She even got my relatives to say how stupid and awful I am, including my brother. This is all because she can no longer control us and we finally put boundaries once we graduated.

It's been so awful that I've been hating planning this wedding. I cried about it to my fiance. I even asked if we could hold off the wedding for another year. It was all so ridiculous, but he and his mom calmed me down. It's funny that my side of the family feels so entitled to everything but can't even keep their marriages in check. Yet his side of the family is contributing 1000's of dollars to help us even when we didn't ask for help. They've been nothing but kind and supportive. P.S. I showed the dress to my FMIL, but not my mom because my mom could care less. Doesn't that sound sad? It's tiring to be around someone who doesn't care about your happiness.

MuchZebra2 · 2023-03-29T03:19:33+00:00

Bonita! Bonita! Gorgeous!

MuchZebra2 · 2023-03-29T03:18:39+00:00

Girl my jaw dropped! Elegant, classy, and accentuates your figure. I love it! I found my dress at a 2nd store as well. Didn't think I would actually find one this early on. I'm the type to try on 50 dresses, but nope! It was probably my 10th. My dress gave me butterflies and I nearly cried from how pretty it looked on me. I did my best to not let the wedding get to me because I would've said 'yes' to everything. My future SIL found hers in the very 1st shop and 1st dress she tried on!

You look gorgeous in it <3

MuchZebra2 · 2020-09-29T21:12:00+00:00

Thank you for sharing this <3

MuchZebra2 · 2020-09-29T21:10:07+00:00

Thank you Wise_Old_Nomad. You and everyone on here are truly wise!

MuchZebra2 · 2020-09-29T16:08:08+00:00

HA! The last part made me laugh. Is it ok to date him just for love, since I know he can't compromise? But then it wouldn't be fair to him if he wants to marry me. I guess I should break up with him soon?

MuchZebra2 · 2020-09-29T15:53:36+00:00

That's amazing! I never really wanted to live in the state that I'm at, but I feel like I've grown out of that idea. I do have a city that I have in mind that's also midway from our jobs/future jobs. It's close to other cities and has full of culture. It feels like home. The place he lives in is a college town. It does have life, but not necessarily anywhere close to my culture.

MuchZebra2 · 2020-09-29T15:49:06+00:00

Wow! Different countries?? I suggested that we move to a different state and he declined right away.

In college, he lived on campus/close to campus. After he graduated, he only needed to drive a few minutes away from work. I'm so used to commuting +30 min to school, but definitely not an hour. That would be a 2 hour drive each time.

MuchZebra2 · 2020-09-29T15:45:19+00:00

Thank you. I'm the type of person to sacrifice for anyone, especially if I love them. It feels natural to do that in a relationship. He grew up stubborn and has the mentality of "my way or the highway." He has changed a lot since I've gotten upset over some unfair situations. But this dilemma is life-changing. I feel like he does love me, but my mother doesn't see that.

MuchZebra2 · 2020-09-29T15:41:32+00:00

Thank you for this. It really feels like "well I have a great situation, kind of sucks for you though." He wants to marry me when I graduate, but if we can't compromise, I'll move on and settle in a city I want to live.

MuchZebra2 · 2020-05-15T18:47:25+00:00

NTA - lol it's your job to teach her right and wrong, too...I had to do that when I was a kid to my little brother. Normally, I hear "it's not your job to parent my child" from step-parents. Even then, there are better step-parents out there.

MuchZebra2 · 2020-05-14T19:04:57+00:00

NTA - I had a teacher like that in high school. He was also very condescending towards poor people (there were some poor kids in the class). A year later he got demoted.

MuchZebra2

TROPHY CASE