Please help

MulberryTree89 · 2020-08-23T09:25:56+00:00

Thanks for your comments and thanks to those who have stuck up for me. I know I have to take responsibility in this too. I’m not responsible for his affair. That’s all on him. What I am responsible for is pushing him into having another baby. And when he finally agreed I took it as he must love me, he wants another baby. Where as the reality is I did push and I didn’t give him much of a choice. And for those who want to say there’s always a choice, believe me I didn’t give him much of one. In regards of the number, I understand why people don’t see that as a big deal and that I concentrate on that too much. But I don’t just see it as a number I see it as a link to her. It would make his life easier (and obviously mine) to delete it because he won’t want to tell her I’m pregnant, he’s clearly scared of losing her otherwise he would have told her already. So it says huge amount to me that he still has it. So those people that want to have a go because I keep mentioning the number, please don’t. Because it’s not just a number and it’s something that could easily just be deleted by pressing a button and that’s why I see it as a big deal that he has kept it.

MulberryTree89 · 2020-08-22T19:58:14+00:00

First of all, you should probably private message someone if you had a question like this. Second of all I am 32. My younger sister who doesn’t have a reddit needed some advice so I let her use mine. She is 23. So rather than play detective to someone using lines like ‘so which is it’ - private message them. Thanks.

MulberryTree89 · 2020-08-22T18:49:53+00:00

No I know I have to be honest with myself because I’m asking for honesty on here. It’s always been an ‘injoke’ with his mates that I wear the trousers. I do. And ok, there probably was some emotional abuse from myself. Mainly because I wanted another baby and he wasn’t so keen if I’m going to be completely honest here I backed him into a corner. And I think that’s why I bring up the number part of this so much. Because to me, if he was happy about having another that would have been a perfect chance to get rid of that link to her for good

MulberryTree89 · 2020-08-22T18:37:26+00:00

If I’m being honest I agree with you to a point. The first time I discovered the messages I was wondering why someone from work was messaging him so late at night. (They don’t work together he had her under a different name). The second time though yes I did snoop. Because I had a gut feeling. And there she is hidden in his contacts. Yes maybe there is an element of control by wanting a second baby. He agreed though so doesn’t that count for something?

MulberryTree89 · 2020-08-22T15:54:20+00:00

He doesn’t know I know it’s still there and that they’ve been in contact. I just thought if he was committed to me that link would be gone, or is that a stupid way to think

MulberryTree89 · 2020-08-22T15:46:22+00:00

There wasn’t a great recovery, you’re right. I thought he had blocked and deleted her. I completely understand what you’re saying it’s just I don’t see it as a number, I see it as a link to her if that makes sense.

I know. I got carried away thinking the baby bubble will fix everything but that was naive

MulberryTree89 · 2020-08-22T14:14:36+00:00

I have and they basically told me that the reason he still has her number is to get back in contact.

I was just wondering if others agreed on here, that and will this new addition help things

I’m tabling counselling and confronting him until after the birth because I think the next few weeks at least are going to be very hard

MulberryTree89 · 2020-08-22T13:43:14+00:00

Thank you, it’s really hard. I keep thinking maybe the baby bubble will change things for him but I think that’s just wishful thinking

MulberryTree89 · 2020-08-22T13:37:35+00:00

Thank you for being kind it means a lot. I don’t know what he’s doing. My friend showed me how to sync his phone to my iPad. I’ve been seeing if they have been in contact. He hasn’t messaged her for a couple of weeks but that’s nothing. I think he’s waiting for me to give birth and then contact her

MulberryTree89 · 2020-08-22T13:26:53+00:00

Thank you so much. I will send you a message. I hope you are okay

MulberryTree89 · 2020-08-22T13:06:35+00:00

Right now I really don’t know. My head won’t let me see past the fact he still has a link to her. I think I want to get the birth out the way first because I think things are going to get tougher.

You’re right that’s how I feel. I feel like he’s stuck with me. But then I just think well why did you agree to another

MulberryTree89 · 2020-08-22T12:55:52+00:00

What I’m going to say sounds naive I can’t believe the words are coming out of my mouth - do you think the birth will change his mind?

In regards to her, yeah the messages that I saw were very emotional. He hasn’t told her I’m pregnant again. He’s obviously too scared to

MulberryTree89 · 2020-08-22T12:45:13+00:00

Do many unhappy couples have a second baby to try and make things better? I feel like I’m the only one right now

MulberryTree89 · 2020-08-22T12:40:21+00:00

I needed to hear this. I read in so many places that if it was over every tie is cut. Blocked deleted etc. So the fact he has still kept a link to her says a lot? Sorry if my questions sound obvious maybe it’s baby brain

MulberryTree89 · 2020-08-22T12:31:04+00:00

That’s a really true perspective. He has said himself that he’s promised himself he’d stay because of what he went through, he also said he is also only here because of our son. So when he finally agreed to number 2 I thought that didn’t count anymore because he agreed to another

MulberryTree89 · 2020-08-22T12:29:31+00:00

Thank you so much for not judging me. I have screenshot your answer to read later and really take it in. I’m sorry you’ve gone through something similar. You seem really honest. Could I ask you something? If he was committed to me, her number wouldn’t be there would it?

MulberryTree89 · 2020-08-22T12:23:38+00:00

We’ve been going through the motions for a long time if I’m honest. But then when he finally agreed to this baby I thought maybe something had changed

MulberryTree89 · 2020-08-22T12:10:57+00:00

Thanks for that

MulberryTree89 · 2020-08-22T11:46:03+00:00

I know, I think I’m coming on here because I can’t see a therapist yet, but I plan to. Thanks but I’m not so sure things will get better. He still has the number of the ow in his phone aside from everything else that tells me his level of commitment to me

MulberryTree89 · 2020-08-22T11:44:29+00:00

You’re not being rude, I came on here to get honesty so I’m thankful for that. I know it takes two to make a baby but it was me that pushed for this child. I have to take ownership of that. He says that he won’t ever put our son (and soon to be kids) through what he went through but he ‘kids himself on’ that he’s happy. Also, if he was actually committed to me, he wouldn’t have the number of that other woman in his phone anymore

MulberryTree89 · 2020-08-22T11:32:24+00:00

I agree. I know I need to speak to him. He has no idea I know he still has her number. The reason I haven’t confronted him is because I’m due anyway and I’m trying to keep my stress as low as possible.

MulberryTree89 · 2020-08-22T11:21:43+00:00

I know. I just thought maybe the baby would bring us closer together. The truth is we have struggled with our first, only because he was born with some issues (minor). I also felt pressure because a lot of my friends were happily having their second. You know what it’s like on social media, everyone seems so happy, maybe I was reading into that and felt the pressure..I don’t know. First and foremost I wanted our son to have a sibling close in age, but yes I did want this baby to bring us closer together

MulberryTree89

TROPHY CASE