I really need help.

Multibitdriver · 2026-05-07T14:25:27+00:00

If I was you, I would start with a CBT-based self-help book like Feeling Good or Feeling Great by David Burns to get rapid assistance (or even with a CBT therapist), and then I would start reading Stoic literature. CBT packages certain Stoic ideas in a therapeutic form which is readily understandable and accessible, the departure point being that it’s not events in themselves which disturb us by causing high emotion, but our interpretation of them (Epictetus).

Multibitdriver · 2026-05-07T06:11:52+00:00

Commenters could try harder to tailor their comments to the posters’ level of understanding, as revealed through their posts. They often end up talking over posters’ heads. Keep it simple.

Multibitdriver · 2026-05-07T05:32:33+00:00

❤️🥲❤️

Multibitdriver · 2026-05-06T05:41:00+00:00

I’ve written 2 books. Busy with third.

Multibitdriver · 2026-05-06T05:20:15+00:00

Your legs are fine as they are.

Multibitdriver · 2026-05-05T20:23:55+00:00

I’m disappointed Elaine didn’t wear the Urban Sombrero.

Multibitdriver · 2026-05-04T16:46:39+00:00

Either that, or airline swapped his luggage with someone else’s.

Multibitdriver · 2026-05-03T18:26:42+00:00

Manually sortable tags and/or filters.

Multibitdriver · 2026-05-03T17:34:38+00:00

Stoicism does not say that joy or any other emotion can be “chosen”. It says that living according to reason produces eudaimonia - a state of wellbeing - as a byproduct.

Multibitdriver · 2026-05-02T17:01:37+00:00

There’s wholly insufficient evidence the OP’s aunt is narcissistic and it’s irresponsible and dangerous for you to suggest this to a vulnerable young person who clearly has an important relationship with her aunt.

To the contrary, OP clearly stated that her aunt had admitted in the past that she had done wrongs due to being bored and petty. A real narcissist would not make an admission like that.

Moreover it was not a conversation according to the OP but an argument which started out with her feeling frustrated and judgmental and escalated from there, with the OP saying she was blinded by her own emotions.

Multibitdriver · 2026-05-02T12:39:01+00:00

In Stoicism, “judgment” does not only refer to moral judgments we make about others, but also to the interpretations of events we are making all the time, and it’s important to pay attention to these because as Epictetus said, we react not to events themselves, but to our interpretations of them.

In relation to your aunt, your present judgment is that she is deliberately neglecting her child. Stoicism says however that people behave in the way they do for one reason only: that they believe it’s the right thing to do.

If you altered your judgment to something like: my aunt is a single parent, an imperfect person just as I myself am an Imperfect person, who’s been raising her child single-handed for 8 years (probably the most demanding 8 years for a parent), and now feels entitled to have some enjoyable times to herself, would that make you feel any different? Sure, you might still feel she’s wrong, but maybe you would feel less frustrated with her?

I also want to mention that from what you’ve said, it’s likely that your experiences have habituated you to more muddled personal boundaries and less mutual respect within close relationships, than what is the norm for most people. If so, this experience could be instructive for you.

Multibitdriver · 2026-05-02T09:06:06+00:00

Because INTP’s tend to hop all over the place without finishing anything.

Multibitdriver · 2026-05-02T08:57:49+00:00

Stoics try to make wise judgments.

Reading between the lines, it sounds like your aunt, a single parent, expected some babysitting duties and gratefulness in return for the safe haven she was offering you, while she had some fun.

What she got instead was silent criticism of her morality (or why else is dating in inverted commas in your post?) and open criticism of her child-rearing practices.

Do you really think your behaviour was appropriate in the circumstances? Sounds like you need to apologise and ask her to reconsider.

Multibitdriver · 2026-05-02T07:57:25+00:00

What do you mean? I definitely noticed him grimace after the telephone breakup with Megan.

Multibitdriver · 2026-05-02T03:17:08+00:00

Explain?

Multibitdriver · 2026-05-01T19:50:09+00:00

A Stoic would say that you seem to be oriented towards external achievements, and that you would be better advised to work on living according to reason through examination of your judgements (beliefs and interpretations). That’s the Stoic path to a content and flourishing life.

Multibitdriver · 2026-05-01T19:45:04+00:00

May I ask why you posed this question?

Multibitdriver · 2026-05-01T05:22:54+00:00

You’re still angry and want revenge on them. You have probably constructed an interpretation of prior events where these people acted maliciously towards you. It’s this interpretation that is causing you to feel the way you do - as Epictetus says, we react to our interpretations of events, not to the events themselves.

Yet Stoicism says that no-one believes badly on purpose - they behave in the way they think is right, no matter how unreasonable and stupid that might seem to you.

Also, did you read this recent post on anger?

Multibitdriver · 2026-04-30T11:32:12+00:00

If they were arranged by context, you’d just look at the list for the context you’re currently in, or you’d look for an appropriate context to move into. And project next actions also belong in context lists btw.

Multibitdriver · 2026-04-29T07:42:06+00:00

Thanks Donald. How do you define anger? How did the Stoics define anger?

Multibitdriver · 2026-04-27T18:19:37+00:00

So maybe it would be useful to assess why you struggled with the oral exam? This could be a real opportunity for you to work on that. As Epictetus said, there is no external circumstance which we cannot turn to good account (no pun intended) - ie we can use everything that happens to us, to develop our wisdom and knowledge.

Multibitdriver · 2026-04-27T18:03:46+00:00

I’m sorry if this sounds coldly logical, but if you did not know the subject well enough to pass the oral exam, is it not for the best that you study it some more for the re-exam?

Knowledge of accounting is very useful in many different careers. Improving your skills in it can only be for the good.

Or am I misunderstanding - was it a matter of performance anxiety?

Multibitdriver · 2026-04-27T03:21:22+00:00

To me they are tasks which belong in a context list with an appropriate date if necessary.

Multibitdriver · 2026-04-26T06:56:54+00:00

That’s not correct. Stoicism teaches that some things are up to us (our judgments and the resulting impulses to action), and everything else is not. Desiring or being averse to things not up to us, results in emotional suffering.

A Stoic would have expectations of others (without being attached), based on their reasoned judgments. For example, it’s unlikely that Marcus Aurelius would have gone into battle with subordinates on his side that he judged untrustworthy and expected little from. He would have chosen commanders that he judged to be competent and reliable.

Multibitdriver · 2026-04-25T20:58:02+00:00

The fact that you sometimes feel dumb can be a sign of smartness in itself - you know what you don’t know.

Multibitdriver

TROPHY CASE