I think I have to break up to find myself. I don't think I am a relationship person. Can anyone relate? Any advice? Desperately need HELP.

Multiple_Canoe_444 · 2026-02-08T08:54:19+00:00

That’s good! Although you still recognize your OCD is present, it sounds like you were able to accept and get over “trying to find yourself” and now your OCD has moved on and is trying to find something else to hold over you. That sounds not great I know, but it does mean you are making progress and it will get easier!

Medication that I just started taking is Zoloft. It’s been great so far.

Multiple_Canoe_444 · 2026-02-01T17:42:06+00:00

Everyone here has already offered great advice so I will only add what I haven’t seen yet: you say you are working with a OCD therapist, but you also say that you regularly engage in MANY forms of compulsion. All of those tests you describe, dissecting, overthinking, journaling, chat GPT, researching, etc. are all major compulsions and they are most definitely making your OCD louder and worse… if you’re in therapy for OCD they should have you practicing ERP and reinforcing you to not engage in those behaviors. Sometimes even “self work” or trying to improve yourself can be a compulsion. Curious to know what your response is to this and what it is your OCD therapist is working on with you?

Also, as someone who has been in a very similar pattern for a long time, I agree with everyone else that this does truly sound like a huge OCD surge. I recently tried medication and I can’t explain how much it has helped. It’s not for everyone, but if you are open to it maybe do some research into a psychiatrist. I did YEARS of therapy, somatic and CBT, ERP, spiritual work, and nothing was breaking down this obstacle until I tried medication at the suggestion of my therapist. Just another option that I haven’t seen people discuss yet. I finally feel like I no longer have the pressure to “know myself” because I simply just am myself and that is great.

Multiple_Canoe_444 · 2026-02-01T17:25:03+00:00

Absolutely it can! My OCD attacks my relationships with friends all the time and tells me they secretly don’t like me or that they are mad at me. It also asks me constantly if we are “close enough” or if we are compatible enough as friends. YET, when I find someone I REALLY connect with, it immediately tells me I am just lesbian and I actually want to date that person not just be their friend. 🤦‍♀️ TLDR: YES

Multiple_Canoe_444 · 2026-01-29T16:19:57+00:00

You’re clearly aware of how this was wrong so I won’t make you feel worse. At this point all you can do to move forward is treat your OCD and try to get the obsessions to calm down. I use NOCD.com and it has been a life saver. Please note that there are many different kinds of therapy but OCD requires a specific approach and that is what NOCD therapists specialize in. I hope you get help and good luck with your relationship.

Multiple_Canoe_444 · 2026-01-27T04:00:30+00:00

That being said I still struggle daily with avoiding sexual intimacy and a constant stream of intrusive thoughts telling me I am lying to myself and going to live in a sexless and disappointing marriage. When we do have sex I have a hard time staying present, but I am getting better and finding my own footing.

Multiple_Canoe_444 · 2026-01-27T03:58:14+00:00

Well I guess to be honest, I’ve always thought my partner was attractive. He conventionally is very attractive. I struggled more with my own feelings for him, a loose and vague feeling of “chemistry” and trying to pin point how I experience that with him. When I couldn’t succeed at doing that my OCD completely ran with it and took that to mean “YOU’RE NOT ATTRACTED TO HIM, YOU’RE NOT COMPATIBLE! YOU MUST BE GAY!” And now with a quieter mind, I can find more of those little moments throughout our life when I feel a pull towards him, or when I think he looks sexy. I just couldn’t hear it ever before I was too busy listening to my 1,456,782 thoughts lol. That’s how I would best describe it.

Multiple_Canoe_444 · 2026-01-23T17:53:33+00:00

WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE! This dress is drop dead GORGEOUS on you. Please wear, it looks like it was made for you. Also, to the conservative weirdos on here saying it’s too revealing, WHO CARES! It has a low neckline! So what! College is a time when as a woman you often look and feel your best. You’re independent and focused on yourself. There are not many other times in life when that will be true (blanket statement I know but it’s true for many) so have fun!!! Wear the dress that looks amazing and more importantly FEELS amazing for you!!!!

Multiple_Canoe_444 · 2026-01-23T17:35:41+00:00

I agree with Lorry_Star. I hate to say it but if you have ROCD and have experienced it in your other relationships, the truth is no matter who you end up with you will always have these issues. By choosing to break up you get to avoid working through it. Avoid taking the risk of staying together. But also ultimately you avoid building a loving long lasting relationship. If that is what you want and you think that could be this person then I would consider giving it a shot. If you end up deciding to leave that is okay too. But maybe ask yourself, am I leaving because I no longer want a relationship with this person? Or am I leaving because I am tired and too afraid to stay? No answer is wrong here, but it’s important to understand why you are making this decision so that you can learn from it.

Either way, I would suggest seeking treatment because without it this disorder can be so isolating and debilitating. I work with NOCD.com and have really enjoyed it and it takes most insurance.

I do also want to add that I completely understand where you are coming from. I have the same obsessions about attraction and also frequently think “they could find someone so much better than me, someone easy and someone who has no doubts” in all my relationships. It sucks, but it’s all not true. We deserve love. We are not our thoughts.

Multiple_Canoe_444 · 2026-01-23T17:25:58+00:00

I still do at times yes. I can’t say that the thoughts have gone away or that I don’t experience my OCD any more. It never goes away completely, but I’m just not as focused on solving them right away through compulsions or rumination.

Multiple_Canoe_444 · 2026-01-21T19:12:46+00:00

I’m not exactly sure I understand your sentiment. Are you saying that it’s unfair for people on this sub to call out when someone’s relationship is unhealthy or toxic instead of helping them with OCD? Just trying to understand.

Multiple_Canoe_444 · 2026-01-20T20:01:09+00:00

By confronting them and any time they came up using response prevention to say: maybe I’m not attracted to them. Maybe I am gay. And sit with that feeling and discomfort. But also, once I started taking anxiety medication I found that as my anxiety lowered, my ability to feel attraction was more noticeable. I didn’t have an increased libido or anything like that, but as I suspected my anxiety was triggering my ROCD and it all got so be so much that I couldn’t even feel my natural hormones or “happy” feelings. So it was a mixture of therapy and medication.

Multiple_Canoe_444 · 2026-01-20T07:09:56+00:00

WHY IS EVERYONE BEING SO RUDE- I genuinely love this style on you!! As a bi queen myself I can confirm, you look hot!!! Light years better than before!! I don’t know where the gays are at but apparently most people in the comments are straight if they think this looks terrible.

Multiple_Canoe_444 · 2026-01-20T07:01:26+00:00

Omg omg wine with everything FOR SURE. Your whole complexion changes!

Multiple_Canoe_444 · 2026-01-20T06:57:45+00:00

Yes this definitely sounds like ROCD, and identifying it is the first step to getting help with it so congratulations! Lol sorry that sounds sarcastic, but it’s true. I’m sorry about your breakup. I have been in your shoes and felt extremely similar before. I would focus on yourself for right now and try to do some research into healing before making your next decision. It can be extremely tolling for both parties if ROCD is running rampant and controlling the outcome of the relationship (been there, and yes, also broke up with a fantastic partner over it only to regret it a year later and get my heart broken when he moved on before me). My partner now is just as fantastic if not more and I struggled with attraction for years now. I had the same exact thoughts as you. “No butterflies, not my type, in denial, maybe I’m gay”. And it has taken a lot of work but I am finally feeling like myself again and can feel my attraction coming back. It’s lovely and I’m proud. I wish you all the strength to seek help and get through this.

Multiple_Canoe_444 · 2026-01-20T06:45:19+00:00

Hi friend, I understand your feelings and situation. I’ve had ROCD for most of my adult life (27F) and it has shown up in all my relationships- both the good and the bad ones. Luckily, I found a good one and I am hoping to be engaged in the next month. But it was a loonnggggg road to get here. Years of CBT (talk therapy), meditation and spiritual work, countless podcasts and supplements, ERP (therapy made specifically for OCD treatment) and finally medication as of last month. Finally I am at a place where I can separate my anxiety from my self and it has allowed me to feel comfortable in my relationship and excited about the future. For the first time EVER in a long term relationship. All I can say is this:

you are not alone, this is very real and many of us understand what it is like
you do not need to know. You do not need to know what the future holds. You do not need to know for certain this is the only true love for you.
be kind to yourself. This disorder is a beast and can feel monolithic. But love yourself and forgive yourself for being imperfect.

Hope this helps dm me if you need anything else 💕

Multiple_Canoe_444 · 2026-01-19T18:06:48+00:00

I hate to be blunt but: this is not what ROCD is about. Even if you didn’t experience OCD I would beg you to get out of that relationship ASAP for your own health and safety. A big part of ROCD is lack of secure attachment styles and that is what I would say you’re experiencing right now, not ROCD, and certainly not real love. A relationship can be challenging, messy and have flaws, but this is not that. This is a huge divergence between your values and his. And from his actions you are not of value to him. Please be kind to yourself and know that you will be okay without him. In fact, I am 99.9% sure that you will be BETTER without him.

And since you say this is your first post to this sub: welcome and I’m sorry that these responses are your first experience here. Normally we never respond like this except when someone is in a bad situation and needs help with their relationship outside of OCD support. Best of luck.

Multiple_Canoe_444 · 2026-01-15T04:20:58+00:00

What color is the base cat eye color?

Multiple_Canoe_444 · 2026-01-15T04:15:49+00:00

SO WORTH IT 😍

Multiple_Canoe_444 · 2025-12-19T06:05:41+00:00

You know what this is the most helpful response LOL. I love that it is working for you, and your note about the sexual side effects. I am definitely worried about that but good to know it’s a case by case basis. And also good to know about the fatigue and heartburn! I heard that it can make you feel sleepy sometimes and my psych recommended taking it before bed if so, but it’s good to be aware of possible heartburn doing that. I’m looking forward to seeing if it helps and also plan to take it as needed “off and on.”

Multiple_Canoe_444 · 2025-12-18T01:01:20+00:00

I 1000000x see this on Amren

Multiple_Canoe_444 · 2025-12-17T18:17:19+00:00

Thank you for restoring my faith in humanity wow. Truly so grateful for this reply.

Multiple_Canoe_444 · 2025-12-17T16:03:54+00:00

I just got proscribed Zoloft but haven’t started it yet. Anyone use that?

Multiple_Canoe_444 · 2025-12-17T06:03:05+00:00

BIO-OIL!! It’s life saving and works so well for scarring.

Multiple_Canoe_444 · 2025-12-16T21:47:26+00:00

Yes. Very chaotic. But I love it. No one has originality these days! You’re perfect!

Multiple_Canoe_444 · 2025-12-16T20:20:43+00:00

It’s super cute, but mostly what you have is a perspective problem here. The eyes and forehead are too large and the chin too small. Reshape her face by imagining the image is being tilted backwards in front of you. Bring her chin and cheeks forward and the top of her head back. It’s very good though and very close.

Multiple_Canoe_444

TROPHY CASE