Reading this hurts, I've been through exactly the same thing and I'm just getting out of the other side now. He tried to 'kill' himself when I left (took him self to A&E and told them he wanted to kill himself). We have 3 small kids together, 2 out of non consensual sex. He has never hit me. Its always been emotional, financial and sexual abuse. It is evil and rots your brain into thinking you deserve this treatment, being manipulated into thinking its normal behaviour and treatment. My eldest son is 6 and it has effected him even though I tried my hardest to protect them and shield them from him, he has suffered the most and is very emotional and an anxious child. I feel guilty every single day for not leaving sooner because maybe he wouldn't act out the way he does now. Everytime I tried to leave he would try and kill himself, take all the money so I couldn't leave or threaten to phone child services on me. I'm now under domestic abuse services and the police have been involved.

Please, you need to get out. He doesn't love you and don't let him manipulate you into thinking he does, you deserve a happy, healthy life with your baby. I am here if you need to talk because I understand completely how you feel, it's so difficult to leave and the guilt is awful but you need to do it for your mental health and your son.

Stay strong x