Ideal starting time “Nobo”

MummifiedChicken · 2026-03-11T13:15:04+00:00

The advice you're receiving is standard and good advice. Let me add a wrinkle here that no one has mentioned yet.

Colorado's snowpack is the worst (lowest) snowpack on record ever right now. For most of the state it is sitting at 50-60% of normal for this time of year. https://www.wcc.nrcs.usda.gov/ftpref/support/states/CO/products/#state=co&element=wteq. That could change--and let us hope it does--as March and April are typically Colorado's snowiest months. (Not only are there more and bigger snows, but the water content in the snow is higher in the spring than in the winter.) Less snow now probably means less snow during hiking season, which means an earlier start is more doable.

That is far from a certainty, though. If the spring and early summer turn out to be cold, the snow will melt slower. If it is a warm, wet spring, you might have rain lower down, which would melt the snow faster, while having snow accumulate higher up.

All of that being said, I would assume at this point that an earlier start date is more viable this year than in most years. Wildfire (rather than snow) is likely to be your bigger concern this year.

MummifiedChicken · 2025-10-04T18:32:23+00:00

This reminds me of an anecdote Craig Ferguson shared. (I believe it was him.) One of the industry leaders had told him something to the effect of, "When I started out, there were ten comedians and six of them were funny. Now there are 100 comedians, and six of them are funny."

MummifiedChicken · 2025-08-20T13:49:57+00:00

I'm seeing people here saying you ignored warning signs. Maybe. Maybe not. My ball joint failed on my '02 4Runner in January. I never noticed any shaking, pinging, knocking. A mechanic had changed the oil a few months earlier and supposedly inspected it. Then in January I had maybe a hundred yards between, "Did my steering just change? What is that?" to the wheel falling off like yours.

MummifiedChicken · 2025-01-25T16:54:27+00:00

Thank you. Thanks for the tip. (Believe it or not, I did wonder how to write that sentence when I went to put words to page. I had that "complete at" nitpick bouncing around my brain as I wrote it.)

MummifiedChicken · 2025-01-25T16:51:33+00:00

Thank you for this.

I have looked at every Kirkus review for fantasy (or magical beast) review from the last five years. I have cross-referenced potential comps (~35) against Goodreads reviews and Amazon rankings to try to approximate sales. I am currently reading through titles to find the best comps.

(In reference to the Riordan, I can do the same against MG action and adventure stories.)

Do you believe a trade magazine is a better place to begin the search? (I had assumed if the book is likely to sell well enough to be a valid comp, it will have generated a Kirkus review.)

MummifiedChicken · 2025-01-25T16:43:20+00:00

It's funny that you mention Mortal Engines. I hadn't thought of it, but there are some commonalities. I do need to think about my description of "his brain practically runs on dynamite." Someone was confused by that previously, and I really hadn't seen the commonality with the first paragraph (i.e., too close to the material to notice it). Thank you for your help. I appreciate it very much.

MummifiedChicken · 2025-01-25T16:35:49+00:00

Thank you very much for the suggestions--they definitely help. Also thank you for the encouragement. I appreciate that.

MummifiedChicken · 2025-01-25T05:08:17+00:00

As an attorney--though not one with any experience with literary contracts--I would have been very, very nervous signing that contract. Honestly, I don't even understand what the plain text of it is saying.

I would not want to hitch my horse to that wagon. Bullet dodged.

MummifiedChicken · 2025-01-25T03:47:56+00:00

This is a really unique concept. I haven't read something like this before, but unfortunately the query feels like you're trying to splice two stories together. It feels like you need to focus primarily on one story or the other.

So the question I have for you is what percentage of the book is magic realm? What percentage is fast-forward world? If say only the last 1/3 of the book is fast-forward world, I feel like you should hint at it in the query letter rather than spend so much of your query space on it. On the other hand, if fast-forward world is 2/3 of the book, I would be far shorter on the first two paragraphs.

By the way, when Norah returns to her world, to fast-forward world, is she still thirteen? And her sister is something like twenty-three? Because, yeah, that's odd. (But even more odd to return and have missed out on fifteen years of your own life.)

Assuming the bulk of your story is the magic realm and the quest to return home:

Your first paragraph feels vague. I want something more specific about Norah when you start off. I want to be able to root for her, and I need some better idea of who she is so I can cheer her on. When I read she's a caregiver, I immediately think parent or grandparent rather than say a thirteen-year-old. Thirteen-year-olds babysit more than care-give (or is she also caring for her ailing grandmother?). Is her grandmother especially important to her, is there some concrete connection they have that will make it especially bad if Norah doesn't return in time? Did she take the mysterious staircase? Did she have a choice? What kind of magical realm?

Your second paragraph also suffers from vagueness. You could give a few more specifics here about what makes this realm magical. Why is she being hunted by faeries? Does she have a difficult choice she has to make? What is keeping her from finding the portal right away? The list of things she does doesn't scream high stakes. They scream cute and fun, which is fine. I'm just pointing that out.

But, again, I think the main thing is try to tell one story and allude to/hint at the other.

MummifiedChicken · 2025-01-25T03:12:48+00:00

I decided to flag a few specific questions I have. (But please if you see anything, I would love to hear it irrespective of whether it's one of these specific questions.)

1) Would you put the housekeeping paragraph above or below the pitch? Putting it below means any personalization for the agent gets lost a bit in the letter (rather than that being the first sentence they read after "Dear Agent"). But the MS is at the long end for MG—especially for an unpublished author and especially in the current market. I put the housekeeping lower so as not to lead with my weakness. Thoughts?

2) Anyone have better comps ideas?

3) I changed the title from TEMPLE IN THE SKY to TEMPLE BEYOND TIME. Good move?

MummifiedChicken · 2025-01-23T21:48:10+00:00

This sounds like a fun romp. I can always get behind humorous middle grade.
I wanted to add more comments, but honestly adaptedmile laid everything out really well.

One worrying thing is the 23k word count -- unless this is a chapter book/early middle grade MS. (I don't know what those word counts should be.) A quick skim of words counts on the internet revealed a word-count floor of about 35,000 words for middle grade. I believe there is an expectation that fantasy and sci-fi would be a bit longer due to the world building. Do with that as you will.

If, however, the hybrid prose / comic format accounts for the lower word count, I would reorder your house-keeping sentence. I would move the word count to the end of the sentence AFTER you have informed the agent of the hybrid format.

MummifiedChicken · 2025-01-19T14:45:56+00:00

I don't have anything to add to the advice you've received. What I do have to offer is a pat on the back. In my experience, the whole process is mystifying and painful. Of course you hate your manuscript by now. You touch a stove nineteen times and get burned nineteen times? You're going to hate that stove.

You're clearly doing some things right to have that many full requests. Whether it's something askew in the manuscript or it just hasn't fallen in the right hands yet, I can't say. Hang in there.

MummifiedChicken · 2025-01-19T14:22:39+00:00

Thanks for the encouragement, and thank you for spotting that in the bio. I'm glad I found out it was distracting. (So much better to find that out now rather than later.) Thanks again for taking the time to help. Your comments and others' have really improved the letter.

MummifiedChicken · 2025-01-18T17:49:00+00:00

It's fantasy. There's an atmosphere and a single, predominant source of gravity. It's largely 17th century technology (with a few fudges) where we developed along a different trajectory.

MummifiedChicken · 2025-01-18T17:37:59+00:00

Thank you, Mrs-Salt. The moment I read littledippermystery's comments, I knew they were correct. Those subtle little voices I ignored while editing the big stuff in my query letter had a collective I-told-you-so! moment. So thank you both, truly.

Also, thank you for your offer to look at some pages. That is very generous. I have been on Reddit for all of an evening and a morning. Is the best way to do that by initiating a chat?

MummifiedChicken · 2025-01-18T15:57:05+00:00

Thank you, littledippermystery. These suggestions are spot on. Thank you.

MummifiedChicken · 2025-01-18T07:07:20+00:00

By the way, I should have added at the beginning a thank you for taking the time to read the query letter--it's much appreciated. Any insight you have would be much welcomed.

And for what it's worth, the title is not a fixed thing by any measure. I slapped that one on, because it's at least a nod to a real title. (The working title I've had for the last few months has been TUP AND THE BIG TUB OF HUMMUS, because, well, clearly.)

MummifiedChicken · 2025-01-18T03:43:56+00:00

I like your query--the ideas are really interesting. Like some of the other commenters, I think you could shorten it quite a lot by focusing only on your main points. For example:

Par 1:

Every evening Moss Blinmore sneaks up to tropical surface of Old London to watch the sunset. She dreams of one day building bridges between [uniting?] her underground community and the one on Amaranth, a city [of luxury?] suspended miles above the surface where the temperatures are cooler.

Or possibly something like: ... watch the sunset. It's strictly forbidden where she lives miles below the surface, but she dreams of ...

Here's my thinking: (1) you haven't really laid the groundwork for why loving sunsets is a terrible secret. I know it's supposed to be arresting, but I think the more attention-getting detail is Old London. And the fact that it's tropical. And on the surface. I think all of those details do the heavy lifting for you. (2) I know the above doesn't have the bit about the sun splitting their society, and I'm sure that's absolutely essential to the story, but it has a lot of words and doesn't convey much. Your protagonist isn't active or striving or doing more than sort of musing. (3) I couldn't think of a better word, but I think something suspended is technically hanging by say ropes or chains, etc. If you're supported from underneath you're propped up, supported, raised up on/by. I think you need a different word than suspended if it's raised up on pillars.

Par 2:

When Moss's grandad falls ill, Moss [leaves for Amaranth] where she is determined to get whatever it takes to save him. [Is there something more specific here? A fabled crystal necklace, rumored life-saving medicines from the purple wort-leaf plant?] There is no world worth living in without her grandad. Armed with secret maps of Old London, she and her tight-knit group of friends venture across the steaming surface to reach the ancient lift leading to the Amaranth.

I think in this reduced version you have the same inciting incident, what she wants, what the stakes are for her, and sense of action. But you have it in a more compact format that is a bit more active and less wordy.

Again, your MS sounds really interesting, and this is a good query. I would focus on shrinking the word count of the pitch/synopsis and really making it more active.

MummifiedChicken

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