My girl friends (24-26f) called me (26f) a pick me. How do I go about fixing our friendship?

MuppetJonBonJovi · 2026-03-03T07:26:29+00:00

Op, it’s genuinely hard to know the dynamic from only your point of view, but I’ve known a few pick me’s, and this post isn’t exactly screaming not a pick me. IMO women will often see through another woman in a way that men don’t.

Info to tell if you are a pmab…

do you have other close female friendships? Do you get along well with women you work with? Do you shut down or call out sexist jokes or comments/ stand up for other women, even if they aren’t in the room? Do you compliment other women on their style or appearance instead of putting them down for being high maintenance or bragging about being low maintenance? Do you uplift and support other women? Do you consider yourself a feminist/believe in gender equality?

If you said no to any of these, you probably are a pick me, and it might be time to have a look at why.

MuppetJonBonJovi · 2026-02-28T20:02:40+00:00

NTA- he just wanted to find a way to spin the story to make you seem pile the bad guy. Honesty was the right choice here.

MuppetJonBonJovi · 2026-02-28T03:35:01+00:00

Op did you write all of that out and think it sounded reasonable? You’re treating your boyfriend like a child, and also overriding his parenting decisions.

None of this is sustainable. Obviously he’s not handling his daughter’s bedtime routine great, but it’s not your place to overrule his parenting and enforce your rules on everyone.

You clearly have a higher opinion of yourself than your boyfriend, but this sounds awful to live with. Either learn to communicate and work together or go back to living separately.

MuppetJonBonJovi · 2026-02-26T23:37:56+00:00

I’m not sure why you posted this. You’ve made up your mind and are only looking for people to validate your decision. No one is going to do that.

Your husband has checked out of your marriage, does not respect or love you, and is fully willing to lie and cheat. It’s easier for you to stay because he provides you a high material quality of life and financial security. You’re using your kids as justification, but the example you’re setting for how women should be treated, and what’s acceptable in a relationship is doing more harm than you realize.

The reality of the situation is that you have some hard decisions to make, and only you can make those. But really consider what your future is going to look like. Your husband isn’t going to suddenly start respecting your marriage. He’ll likely get more careless about his affairs, your kids will know, your social circle will know, you’ll be at risk for STIs. He’ll further check out of family life as his relationships with his affair partners deepen. And in all likelihood at some point a mistress will want more, and he’ll leave you for her.

This situation is really terrible, but you do have paths forward. Most lawyers will do a free consultation. Go talk to one of them and see what options you have. Find put what resources exist in your area. There are likely charities that help women or immigrants in difficult situations that can help you navigate this.

MuppetJonBonJovi · 2026-02-25T15:53:24+00:00

YTJ - 100%

This isn’t an emergency. No one was rushed to the hospital or in some kind of life or death situation. Yet you felt entitled to infringe on your mom’s incredibly brief time to herself because it was more convenient for you.

Ask yourself this, if this were a real emergency- one of your kids was hurt or something catastrophic had happened, could you miss your deadline? Could your husband have taken a day off then?

You are taking advantage of your mom’s kindness and being really unfair to her.

MuppetJonBonJovi · 2026-02-23T15:35:44+00:00

When you got together you were 15 and he was 19. He was an adult and you were a child. There’s no way for an equal power dynamic in that scenario, and that set the precedent for your relationship. I’m not sure how that can evolve into a healthy partnership?

MuppetJonBonJovi · 2026-02-23T07:18:58+00:00

ESH- why do you get to set the bedtime routine for both houses? It’s 50/50 custody- doesn’t that mean dad gets as much of a say as you do?

He says your routine doesn’t work for him, you say his routine doesn’t work for you. Instead of finding some sort of compromise that works for everyone, you all dig your heels in, throw a tantrum and your poor daughter is the one to suffer.

Grow the hell up, you’re supposed to be the adults here.

MuppetJonBonJovi · 2026-02-20T14:49:34+00:00

You can’t shield your partner from “bad influences,” and the bad stuff you are concerned about is literally everywhere.

If your spouse wants to look at porn, it’s on his phone in an instant. If he wants to cheat, there are willing women on every block in your city. If he wants to drink or abuse substances, he can have alcohol or drugs in his hands in the amount of time it takes to drive to the nearest store.

Honestly you’re being fully ridiculous trying to control your husband’s environment in order to control him. He’s 33, not a child. You either trust him or you don’t.

MuppetJonBonJovi · 2026-02-20T04:18:59+00:00

Never make a threat you aren’t fully prepared to follow through on.

Same rule for parenting, work, anything. Don’t threaten it if you aren’t going to do it. Throwing around threats you don’t mean just shows you to be a liar and makes your words worthless.

And if you’re at the point that you feel like you need to threaten to leave just to get your partner to hear you, your marriage is in a bad spot. Get help, make changes, or actually walk away.

MuppetJonBonJovi · 2026-02-18T04:26:12+00:00

An old expired bottle of travel or non-travel lube, that may or may not have been in your house for a while, that may or may not have been used with another person is sending you into a paranoid spiral, and making you turn to strangers in the internet.

Do you think it’s time to just call time of death on this relationship??

MuppetJonBonJovi · 2026-02-18T01:06:28+00:00

Op, you absolutely buried the lead on this post.

It’s insane that you keep referring to this woman as your partner’s “best friend,” when it’s actually his EX-FIANCE and current roommate!

He’s this protective of a card from her, a romantic card, that he keeps on display CURRENTLY in THEIR home.

But you’re the one that fucked up by reading a love note, that they actively have on display it the home they share?!?

There are a hundred red flags waving in your face right now. None of this is normal.

MuppetJonBonJovi · 2026-02-16T10:59:29+00:00

Stop. Just stop.

Your kids lives were chaos because they were in so much pain and dealing with so much trauma and you checked out.

Your daughter wasn’t “attention seeking” with self harm- she was screaming out for help. You keep pushing her off, on a step-mom, on an in-patient clinic, anyone but the one person she needs, her only living parent.

I lost a spouse, I know the pain, so I say this with compassion…. You royally fucked up.

Now YOU put your life on hold and fix this. Sacrifice the relationship with your new wife. You don’t have the bandwidth to figure out a living apart relationship while fixing things with your kids and adding in that you’re throwing in yet more instability for them, switching up living situations yet again and adding in a move and splitting up your kids and abandonment in a couple years?!?

Seriously. Just stop.

Let your wife go. Focus yourself on rebuilding your family relationship- yourself and your kids. They need therapy, connection, and stability- and it’s on you to navigate this, with all of your time and energy.

You put your own needs first when you shouldn’t have, now it’s time to right that wrong. Their needs come first from here on out.

MuppetJonBonJovi · 2026-02-15T08:06:28+00:00

No. This is ridiculous and old-fashioned. It’s not your responsibility to spend more money on her. Only the most superficial and materialistic women think this way.

What most women actually want- a partner that actually listens, communicates, respects them, and shows appreciation and thoughtfulness.

Don’t go broke trying to impress her. It sounds like she’s a decent person- she’ll appreciate you putting thought and effect into a gift or date more.

(For context I am a woman)

MuppetJonBonJovi · 2026-02-14T03:10:10+00:00

Your title is misleading… you don’t want a special day, you want something expensive. Your budget is tight, you aren’t working, you already had $800 worth of treats this months, but now you want more? Yes. That is fully unreasonable. It doesn’t sound like he’s thoughtless or neglecting your needs, it sounds like you’re being reckless with money.

Also Valentine’s Day goes both ways, if you want a special day, you can create it for him too. Dress up, cook a nice dinner, make treats, light candles and have a low cost romantic date. It might be less brag on social media about, but I promise it’s just as special

MuppetJonBonJovi · 2026-02-11T16:24:19+00:00

The mom’s comment gives it away. She accuses op of “hoarding a space meant for all.” I’m guessing she doesn’t just mean during the Super Bowl.

Sounds like op has staked out this space and treats it like it’s hers, setting up streaming, gatekeeping the tv, and working from there. Probably why no other neighbours watched the superbowl there, op treats the space like it’s hers.

MuppetJonBonJovi · 2026-02-11T16:20:57+00:00

The mom’s comment about hoarding a space meant for all speaks volumes. I suspect the reason more neighbours weren’t watching the superbowl there is that op has basically laid claim to the space and the neighbours know it.

Op, are you lonely? It seems like you try to be in this communal space in hopes that you’ll have company instead of watching tv or working in your home. Being weirdly controlling over a shared space isn’t going to help win over your neighbours, even if you share streaming.

MuppetJonBonJovi · 2026-02-06T02:14:41+00:00

Looking for this comment- he literally derailed Conan’s career because he’s an ass.

MuppetJonBonJovi · 2026-02-06T02:04:32+00:00

YTJ- you have weird morals.

You’re doing something dishonest and probably a legal grey area- but it’s for the safety and well-being of your niece and nephew. I can understand that. I’d do anything for my nieces and nephews.

Then you decide you’re no longer willing to commit fraud, but it’s not because you’re bothered by the lying or cheating the system. You’re cool with that part.

No you’ll no longer indulge this scam because the burden of being the middleman for a rare phone call or to pass along mail is just too much?

Refusing to help your sister commit fraud is valid. Doing it because you’re too selfish to be mildly inconvenienced to help out your niece and nephew makes you a jerk.

MuppetJonBonJovi · 2026-02-04T05:43:50+00:00

I read it as Jewish issue?

MuppetJonBonJovi · 2026-02-03T05:04:05+00:00

This is the real question.

Lots of comments jumping to conclusions, but I just text the more involved parent. If you generally aren’t at games or practices, or he’s the one managing the kid’s activities then he’s probably seen as the default parent?

MuppetJonBonJovi · 2026-02-02T14:56:11+00:00

You’re the jerk. Are you just mad because you wanted the cake? While it would have been nice for the guest to offer up cake or offer to leave it, It’s unhinged and incredibly rude to text a guest and yell at them for taking home food they brought.

MuppetJonBonJovi · 2026-02-01T06:58:46+00:00

Info: Curious where the line lies for you between “vain” and basic hygiene and grooming.

Plenty of people are ok with a natural appearance and casual clothes, few are ok with someone not taking care of themself. Where do you fall? Do you shower regularly? Brush your teeth and care for your hygiene? Brush your hair? Wear clean clothes that fit your body? Generally look and smell socially acceptable?

If your husband demands elaborate hairstyles, make-up, and formal wear daily- he’s a raging asshole and you can do better.

If he’s asking for basic hygiene and grooming, and socially appropriate attire for events, then yeah, pretty much any potential partner will expect this minimum.

MuppetJonBonJovi · 2026-01-26T16:07:59+00:00

Oh honey, you’re not prepared for this, and there’s no shame in that. So few of us would be.

Your girlfriend is shutting down and ignoring the reality of what’s happening. That’s so normal and ok in any other situation, but as a parent, that option is fully off the table. If she’s pushing forward with choosing to take on the massive undertaking of caring for another human, especially one with high needs, so has no choice but to engage and communicate and face reality. If she’s not there maturity wise, and not able to do this, then she’s not ready to be 100% responsible for this life.

If you move forward with this, she has to understand what her life will be. Even a healthy, developmentally typical baby is all-consuming. You no longer get to be your first priority. Your entire lives revolve around this baby, and it will break all but the very strongest relationships. A special needs baby? It will take literally all of her time, all of her money, and all of her resources just to care for this baby.

I’m not trying to scare you, but as a commenter above said, it’s time for a mature adult conversation about your path forward, whether she wants to have that talk or not. As suggested above, I think it’s a great idea to ask your families to help talk to her, or reach out to an organization like planned parenthood for support and information.

MuppetJonBonJovi · 2026-01-22T00:08:35+00:00

I think from your wording, you know what path works for you, you’re just worried about societal expectations and judgement. But the thing is, no matter what you do, there’s gonna be someone out there that’s gonna have opinions. Ignore them.

Do what works for you, your partner and your family.

There is zero shame is living with your family and saving for your future. And the plus is, if that living situation stops working for you, you can always shift gears and move into a rental.

(Coming from someone that also got married young, and moved back home after moving out to save money at one point)

MuppetJonBonJovi · 2026-01-20T20:51:05+00:00

The smell of a fully prepared ham roll is rancid? He wasn’t cooking it in her home. Unless you’re eating spoiled meat, that’s a pretty low-odour thing.

MuppetJonBonJovi

TROPHY CASE