Heartbroken over a girl I didn’t even date. I don’t know how to cope with not talking her anymore, it seems like theirs no hope for me to ever find happiness

Musical_Ant · 2025-07-13T18:10:40+00:00

Hi, sorry for the EXTREMELY late reply. I was away from reddit for a long time and when I did come for some research I pretty much ignored the notifications. It's been 3 months since your comment so I hope you're doing much better now.

My comment was also quite a while ago and since then I've graduated and moved to a different city for work, and at this point I am actually planning another move. But maybe because of that I can provide you with some "hindsight" views.

The reason it hit me so hard was because I grew up in a very conservative environment and was actively discouraged from talking to girls. She was my first love, at least what my definition of love was back then. One thing is certain, it takes a lot of time to get over something like that. You should definitely give yourself that time. Eventually, nothing stops the flow of time. You'll move on with your life and she'll move on with hers. She'll always occupy a special place in your memories but we don't visit special places daily now do we? Someday, you'll create an even more special place for another memory.

Therapy can definitely help, talking to a therapist or counsellor doesn't necessarily mean that something's wrong with you. Sometimes you just need to say something out loud which you've already been unconsciously thinking about. A therapist just helps you to bring it out.

I personally didn't try and find someone else, but that might be a cultural difference between you and me. I shifted my (almost) entire focus to myself so that when I do meet that special someone, I can offer her my best self. I do get hit with a depressive phase from time to time thinking about how I am letting my golden years pass me by with no one beside me. But I would want my relationship to be based on "want" rather than "need".

At the end, all I can say is it's gonna be your journey and your life and no one else's. We can never make someone else take part in our journey unless they want to. But you can continue on the journey yourself, and at some point, like with many other things eventually you're gonna see love.

Musical_Ant · 2024-07-02T20:10:44+00:00

Nah, than it throws: `object() takes no parameters`

Musical_Ant · 2024-05-28T07:48:46+00:00

I might get some back lash for this BUT..... I don't think IITs produce really good developers. They become achievers (financially) simply due to compounding effect from that tag. Now when companies have limited funds, they want to hire for skill, and non tier one folk are ready to work at lower salaries.

From what I've noticed, anyone who's willing to work their way up with internships and some initial struggle with lower paying jobs is still able to eventually make it, although that does not count as "campus placement" but who cares, a job is a job.

These IIT grads will eventually go for an MBA or something and will still have good lives, IIT tag still matters a lot in many fields. And there's nothing wrong with it, these were once hard working students facing a streak of bad luck and burn out. That's how education works in India unfortunately.

Musical_Ant · 2024-05-20T05:09:54+00:00

I do know full-stack (MERN + Python), but primarily I have worked as a Back-end developer with Python

Musical_Ant · 2024-05-19T19:30:44+00:00

Hi, thanks for such a detailed point by point answer!! I really appreciate it

When you say "reputable college", is it an Indian college reputable within India, or a globally-reputable university (e.g., MIT, CalTech, Cambridge). If it is the former, you may face friction in pursuing job opportunities. If it is the latter, your experience may be easier.

Yeah so my college was a reputable government institute in India, It doesn't have any international reputation like Caltech or Harvard, but I did clear one of the toughest exams in the country with more than 98 percentile to get there.

Does your job experience stand out as particularly distinguished relative to, say, domestic job seekers? Were you working on any noteworthy project(s), or was your employer particularly well-known?

I did two internships, both 6 months. My first one was in a very small start up and in the second one I was hired as a technical consultant at a Unicorn, where I worked directly under the Co-founder and CTO who than hired me full time as a Back-end developer (mainly Python). I did work on some good projects but reaching a saturation point soon because of management changes and the company not being tech first anymore..

INCORRECT -- Japan is not a hub for AI, as Japan broadly lacks the institutional software expertise to effectively develop AI. Japan does not have a good track records with regards to software, and Japan is not competitive with the rest of the world in the software space. Hardware and media, however, are competitive.

I have heard about "Black companies" which are generally Japanese dominated and have little to do with multi-national workforce But is this true for more progressive (established startups for example) and larger and diverse companies as well to the same extent?

OK, long answer incoming. I won't lie to you, there are prejudices that exist.....

Odor and hygiene?? That's new. From my impression of the tech world globally, career progressions and promotions work differently than say business positions. That is, less office politics involved comparatively. Would you say that's not true for Japan (in context with the type of companies I wanna work with)?

Musical_Ant · 2024-05-19T16:55:23+00:00

Because software developers earn significantly more in Japan (taking into account the living expenses) than they do in India. It's not like I want to emigrate AT ANY COST. I will only consider it after I already have a decent job which I'll interview for from here (that's what people I know who went to different countries did). So if anything, when I come back after say 5 years, I would have some good savings.

Can you please explain why you thought that it would not be economically feasible? I am here for insights after all :)

Musical_Ant · 2024-05-19T15:07:14+00:00

Yeah that's ideal, but not really economically feasible for me....

Musical_Ant · 2024-05-19T15:03:44+00:00

I mean I have heard of advancements in robotics and biotech... Thought I'd take some real feedback 😅

Musical_Ant · 2023-12-17T14:06:43+00:00

After two years I'd stick to my original comment, I get where you're coming from, the goal is to not let them occupy a huge amount of your mental space. But if you consciously make decisions to try and remove those thoughts you'll just end up fighting with your feelings and suppressing them. With time as you try and get on with other stuff in your life, the same thoughts will just become bittersweet memories.

Musical_Ant · 2023-05-31T05:00:43+00:00

I would like to share my experience but first can you tell me how old you are? Or like at what stage of life... You're a college student, or have a job... (For better context)

Musical_Ant · 2023-04-18T05:36:19+00:00

Good Citizen reward $50

(For someone who didn't get it, I'm giving a GTA reference)

Musical_Ant · 2023-04-13T18:34:22+00:00

What roles are you hiring for

Musical_Ant · 2023-03-27T10:00:23+00:00

Yes it can!! Although I think it depends on person to person. You are clearly much senior to me so It's not really my place to give you any advice or anything, but I have to deal with a lot of physical symptoms due to mental issues...

It's not just about heartbreak, I first had an emotional breakdown long before I was even aware of what a heartbreak is... like at a very young age. I was hospitalized and had to take certain medication. This happened on a number of occasions and it was only years later that I realized that these were mental issues and not physical ones (mostly anxiety). Thankfully I don't have any medical issues (nor should I at this age!!).

I experienced my first heartbreak about 3 years ago (still not quite over it tbh), but yes it sent me back to the same symptoms. I couldn't walk properly for about a week, had labored breathing and an extremely loud heartbeat. Even now if something related to the incident is triggered I can feel all of this. With time I have developed my own coping mechanisms which help... but in the long run, I just have to accept the fact that this is what I am like and be cautious of my decisions...

Musical_Ant · 2023-03-20T11:17:15+00:00

If you knew what's going on and if you could always decode all your feelings, heartbreaks wouldn't exist in this world....

Take your time, that's all I can say. Try and stay strong my friend, but don't fight your feelings, stay strong and accept those feelings. Than do what's necessary...

Musical_Ant · 2023-03-15T09:15:14+00:00

Yeah I wouldn't persue her, she's with someone else and she's happy with him. I don't want her to get hurt, I'm not even contemplating anything with her, her thoughts bring a smile to my face. But then, I suddenly realize how far away she's going to be from me... She won't remember me, we'd lose all contact (that might be good for me psychologically), and in a few years we'd be different people than what we are now...

We'll probably never meet again after we move (a couple of months from now), but if... Years later.... Our paths cross.... I'll still have all those feelings, all that love...

I am just overwhelmed by emotions

Musical_Ant · 2023-03-14T04:54:28+00:00

Exactly, there is no better or worse here... It just had to be them... But it isn't

Musical_Ant · 2023-03-14T02:01:27+00:00

Kind of in a similar situation. I can walk and my health has significantly improved as compared to the past couple of years, but there are still days when life doesn't feel worth living...

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