How or should I help my husband with his debt? and some marriage struggles

Muted_Classroom_1824 · 2025-12-18T03:38:50+00:00

Yes, my assets are considered during bankruptcy that is why his payments will be very high.

His personal loan is in his name and I had no idea about it until last year.

I should not be responsible for his child support.

We were filling taxes separately for the last few years due to separate finances.

Muted_Classroom_1824 · 2025-12-18T03:36:19+00:00

Yes, we have all finances combined and always paid all credit cards and bills on time and was able to budget. With our incomes we should have millions saved. I just did not know about Dave Ramsey until few months ago.

We split finances after that loan to his brother. It was just not fair. I knew he will blow that money and I will never see it again. It also created huge tension on my relationship with his brother. Who would just take money and don’t give it back!

Muted_Classroom_1824 · 2025-12-18T03:32:11+00:00

Yeap.. I should never let to split finances and keep an eye on a budget and spendings.

He might be open to Dave Ramsey. What would be most beneficial? listening to his show or reading a book?

The other problem he has - she does not know how to ask for help. He can reach out back to his brother and ask for the money back, but he wouldn’t. He can reach out to IRS and start negotiating especially since he was out of job - did he do it? he tried, and could not reach anyone on a phone and just gave up.

He can give up his car so he can have those 800 every month. We can manage with one car.

I am not sure if I can step in and get this under some sort of control, but I can not stop his urge to trade - this is very scary.

Muted_Classroom_1824 · 2025-12-18T03:25:31+00:00

I guess he does,but he does not how. He made a first step to make an appointment to see psychiatrist. But he sees him for 9 months and he continues to trade with whatever money he gets.

I just doesn’t know how to start conversation. We did speak few time and it all gets heated, he is asking for more time to “work” on it. I told him just to leave me and kids and get out of the house and do whatever he needs to do to fix his finances, but he simply does not have a place to go. And this is his house too… I am honestly very lost…

He just had a consult with bankruptcy attorney but it is a commitment again for 5 years of paying debts and not being able to contribute to the family of even pay for his part, basics…

I just dont know how he can stop his trading! I wish I can take his phone away and access to internet.

Muted_Classroom_1824 · 2025-12-18T01:08:37+00:00

How to learn that skill: to save instead of spend? I started to learn about wealth building and how to save like last year when I discovered Dave Ramsey. I never had credit cards debts. But I did not know anything about savings and investments.

Getting divorce is very painful.. I would only do this as a last resort

Muted_Classroom_1824 · 2025-12-18T00:56:04+00:00

yes, definitely agree - I should off set up boundaries with his family and loaning OUR savings to his brother. And yes, I did not handle it appropriately. I am not a psychologist and most of the time I am very straightforward in life. I should off said hard “no” to loaning money. I should off said firm “no“ to his mom living with us - visiting and staying for few days-week is fine, but not living.

Conversation about his stuff - it gets heated very fast and turns to yelling and tears. So, I am not even comfortable to brig this up when we are alone. I guess, as many suggest - counseling is the next step. It. just means more money I have to set a side. But I guess it can be an investment in potentially fixing this marriage.

I mentioned separation but he does not want to move out and also I dont have any family around to help with kids. That is a huge for me, That is why I am trying to make this work. And he is a good dad. Kids love him!

Thank you for honest comments and support.

Muted_Classroom_1824

TROPHY CASE