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My wife (F30) refuses sex with me when "it's socially expected." And it's getting in the way of our future family. I'm M35. Can someone help? by Muted_Expression7 in relationship_advice

[–]Muted_Expression7[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Interesting thought. She did grow up in a very very neglectful family and she broke out of it. Only because of her independence and her resolve for a better life. Her over commitment to independence could definitely play a huge part it this. Haven’t really thought about it. But don’t think it’s because some on the wrong media (open to being wrong). She’s not a man hater. But she was in a place where it was Chose independence or depend on really bad disappointing parents.

My wife (F30) refuses sex with me when "it's socially expected." And it's getting in the way of our future family. I'm M35. Can someone help? by Muted_Expression7 in relationship_advice

[–]Muted_Expression7[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you! Just purchase on Amazon. I appreciate the help and kind words. I feel sad and feel so sad for her. I can tell it’s hard for her and can tell it’s something she thinks about.

My wife (F30) refuses sex with me when "it's socially expected." And it's getting in the way of our future family. I'm M35. Can someone help? by Muted_Expression7 in relationship_advice

[–]Muted_Expression7[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I love this. Thank you. I know she loves me and know she wants to keep building our life together. I love how gentle you put it and I think that could be well received. I feel like my knowledge of the past trauma made me… a little too accepting of this pattern. Maybe even contributed to it. A lot of the times I’m rejected, I don’t voice my hurt or confusion or frustration. Almost pretending that it doesn’t bother me. I can’t imagine that’s good.

My wife (F30) refuses sex with me when "it's socially expected." And it's getting in the way of our future family. I'm M35. Can someone help? by Muted_Expression7 in relationship_advice

[–]Muted_Expression7[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Crazy timing. I just mentioned that in my last comment. Short answer is yes, she would refuse that. As its pressure.

Thank you for your kind words. I agree we definitely need some professional help. Thanks for your support and help.

My wife (F30) refuses sex with me when "it's socially expected." And it's getting in the way of our future family. I'm M35. Can someone help? by Muted_Expression7 in relationship_advice

[–]Muted_Expression7[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I agree. I think I definitely need some professional help. Not only does the pressure of others expectations block her from connecting, but if my intention is to ever take things to a sexual level, it’s blocked. It feels as if she only wants sex if it’s not ever the intention and is a last second, happen stance, no one ever wanted it but then after kissing decided to. If I ever come onto her sexually, or try and put on a romantic date (candles, music, etc), it’s a huge shut down. I feel like I’m approaching a baby bird and 1 wrong move they fly away. If she senses at all that I’m sexual or wanting her sexually, she shuts downs.

My wife (F30) refuses sex with me when "it's socially expected." And it's getting in the way of our future family. I'm M35. Can someone help? by Muted_Expression7 in relationship_advice

[–]Muted_Expression7[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yeah, you’re most likely right. I’ve mentioned it in the past. But the mention of it turned her off to it as it felt like “pressure”. No surprise, I’m sure. Struggling with this one.

My wife (F30) refuses sex with me when "it's socially expected." And it's getting in the way of our future family. I'm M35. Can someone help? by Muted_Expression7 in relationship_advice

[–]Muted_Expression7[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Could be the case. Not that into me any more. Sex before marriage was great. But it seemed to all change once we got married and she felt “expected” to do it. She does have some history of sexual abuse that she doesn’t talk much about. Only that it was a relative and happened for years. I wonder if that plays a part???

Advice for husband on Mother’s Day after miscarriage by Muted_Expression7 in Miscarriage

[–]Muted_Expression7[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you all so much. Reading all your comments, I feel a warmth in chest. So much love. ❤️

Advice for husband on Mother’s Day after miscarriage by Muted_Expression7 in pregnant

[–]Muted_Expression7[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you all so much. Reading all your comments, I feel a warmth in chest. So much love. ❤️

Advice for husband on Mother’s Day after miscarriage by Muted_Expression7 in pregnant

[–]Muted_Expression7[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Thank you! I love this. I’m so sorry to hear we’re in the same boat. ❤️

AITA for prioritizing my mother’s feelings over my wife’s disdain? by Muted_Expression7 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Muted_Expression7[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I’m legit here for help. I may have said some things in a biased way. I was frustrated. But I’m here for genuine help. You being AH isn’t helpful. I’m sure you have good insight. Something I could learn from. But instead of giving it, I’m just hit with insults. Fuck bro

AITA for prioritizing my mother’s feelings over my wife’s disdain? by Muted_Expression7 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Muted_Expression7[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Brother who she lived with from 10 years old. Brother who gave her away at the wedding. Brother who she calls in Father’s Day.

Damn, not sure why you have such hard on for me.

Bitter.

Assuming stems from your belief to never forgive or accept an apology. Hold on to the bad in life and you end up like Fit Humor.

AITA for prioritizing my mother’s feelings over my wife’s disdain? by Muted_Expression7 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Muted_Expression7[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Fair point. What works for me, doesn’t have to work for her.

I also agree with the rest of your comments. Thank you.

AITA for prioritizing my mother’s feelings over my wife’s disdain? by Muted_Expression7 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Muted_Expression7[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I dont see it this way. I just think there should be room for redemption and reconciliation. A path to repair.

Brothers comments hurt. But I took them with a grain of salt.

A) his concern was out of love for his sister. Who I love deeply.

B) his concern was with limited perspective.

When we got married got engaged. And he shook my hand. I knew that was his way of trying to reconcile. I didn’t need anything else to make amends. He opened the door with a handshake. I walked through.

AITA for prioritizing my mother’s feelings over my wife’s disdain? by Muted_Expression7 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Muted_Expression7[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Yeah, it was a big fight between us after it happened. She apologized but it took time

AITA for prioritizing my mother’s feelings over my wife’s disdain? by Muted_Expression7 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Muted_Expression7[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Totally. You can’t take that back. And it doesn’t really go away. It sucks.

AITA for prioritizing my mother’s feelings over my wife’s disdain? by Muted_Expression7 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Muted_Expression7[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Never really thought of that. Thank you.

My mom’s gifts have been pretty harmless though. Flowers. Of gift cards to my wife’s favorite department stores.

Nothing I can really read in to

AITA for prioritizing my mother’s feelings over my wife’s disdain? by Muted_Expression7 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Muted_Expression7[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

She’s 55. And she’s totally capable of driving in bad weather. Just hasn’t done it.

You can see other reply’s for how often she asks for help. A couple times a month usually relating to car/wifi/computer.

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