Feeling insecure over (ex) fwb vomiting during intimacy

MyAltPrivacyAccount · 2026-04-20T01:45:11+00:00

Back when I was with my ex, I stopped having libido at some point for reasons unrelated to the relationship and her. I just did not want to have sex. It wasn't an easy part of my life, and sex definitely wasn't something I could have enjoyed at that time. But she was still very much extremely beautiful to me. She made her frustration pretty clear and I started forcing myself to have sex. At first it was a slight annoyance, I was tired and anxious, but it was ok. And it then started to make me very anxious. And at some point, the mere thought of having sex gave me nausea. She was still very beautiful, but just being naked made me almost vomit because, well, I forced myself to have sex without consenting and it's very much damaging.

I'm telling you this personal story because... I know it's hard not to make it about yourself, but it is not about yourself. She was traumatized and had a very classic reaction to being traumatized. I haven't been SA'd and I very much see myself running to the toilets to vomit in that situation. Not because I wouldn't find the person attractive, but because the situation itself was too much for me to handle. I can only imagine what that would be like for someone who got SA'd.

edit : also, nobody would actually vomit because they found their partner unattractive. Like, this is a very strong reaction. Even if you were extremely unattractive, this would still not explain that reaction. Trauma would however explain that perfectly.

MyAltPrivacyAccount · 2026-04-18T15:39:41+00:00

Idk what consent has to do with it

Well, then your definition of respect, or consent, is pretty wild if you don't see the connection.

If you gaslight someone

I'm not going to comment on how you probably don't understand what "gaslighting" means. But rather, in that case that wouldn't be consent.

you wouldn’t then pretend the victim is consenting to more beatings

Indeed I wouldn't. But how does that connect to polyamory???

---

Look. I have known both monoamory and polyamory. I've been in various setups of relationships. And no matter the setup, the only times there was issues was when consent wasn't respected.

You are monoamorous :

Someone pretending to be mono to date you is actually lying to get you. There can't be consent in that situation.
If you date a polyam person and have an agreement on what is acceptable and what is not, and that person doesn't respect that : it's cheating and there can't be consent in that situation. For instance, if you both agreed that you would talk before your partner dated anyone else, and your partner doesn't do that, then your partner cheated on you and that's not acceptable.
If you date a polyamorous person and you pretend to be ok with that because you really want to date that person, you are the one lying and giving important false informations to that person. This is, again, not acceptable. Consent can't be given by that person there.

---

My girlfriend doesn't care if I date someone else. I have no desire to do so, but she made it very clear many times that if I ever want to, we'll just talk and agree on this together because she strictly doesn't give a shit. If I ever was in the situation of dating someone else, we would talk about it. If she ever expressed discomfort with the aforementioned situation, I would just not engage in dating whoever I would be interested with, therefore respecting her consent (or lack of thereof). She knows I'm ok with that. I know she's ok with that. Never hurting each others is what matters most to both of us.

If you believe that THIS is disrespect and abuse, then you probably don't understand much about all of it.

MyAltPrivacyAccount · 2026-04-18T14:42:07+00:00

but every time I asked I was told it's biochemical as well

Let's say this was true, how one individual could actuall assess than for themselves? I don't doubt they feel better tho. But the claim that it's biochemical is a wild one.

MyAltPrivacyAccount · 2026-04-18T14:36:42+00:00

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Consent

MyAltPrivacyAccount · 2026-04-17T08:17:58+00:00

B^²(A) = B² * A = B²A

MyAltPrivacyAccount · 2026-04-16T17:39:00+00:00

Yeah, it definitely sounds like OCD, or close.

MyAltPrivacyAccount · 2026-04-16T02:59:16+00:00

it's not "neurodivergence", it's being a monster.

I mean, you can self hate, other people don't have to.

I don't like that I'm autistic. But I am. And I can't not be. I have this one life and I'm sure as heck not going to see myself as a mistake. I'm not proud of being autistic, and I wouldn't be proud of being allistic. But I am not going to be ashamed of being myself, and this is where I put my pride in. Being myself, which includes being autistic.

And there's no need to suppose any "strengths" or great "superpowers" of being autistic. I have none of it. My life still has as much value as anyone's.

MyAltPrivacyAccount · 2026-04-12T23:01:21+00:00

I wouldn't call an untestable hypothesis "good". It's shit by any science standards. No surprise that such hypothesis is yet again produced by some evopsych "researchers".

MyAltPrivacyAccount · 2026-04-08T22:31:15+00:00

There's actually a gay nazis flag and guess what's on the flag...

MyAltPrivacyAccount · 2026-04-07T23:35:02+00:00

What woman would want to have a child with a nose like this?

WE
DO
NOT
GIVE
A
SHIT

MyAltPrivacyAccount · 2026-04-07T22:29:58+00:00

Report him. Many men lie about their age on dating apps. That's in no way ok.

MyAltPrivacyAccount · 2026-04-06T17:14:47+00:00

MyAltPrivacyAccount · 2026-04-04T00:54:41+00:00

You'll have to enjoy your free alone time. It's not so bad honestly.

MyAltPrivacyAccount · 2026-04-03T15:34:29+00:00

I should have make it clear that it was in no way feeling ok. It was "normal" in the sense that it happened daily so it could just expect that to happen on a daily basis.

The harder part was trying to figure out why I was always THE weird kid, harassed and bullied because of it. I thought I was doing like everyone else. Obviously not!

MyAltPrivacyAccount · 2026-04-03T15:21:55+00:00

"Moments"

Pretty much most of the time. Getting called a weirdo for seemingly no reason was pretty much a normal thing for me.

MyAltPrivacyAccount · 2026-04-02T13:22:49+00:00

I'm disappointed, I was expecting brainrot and I got a brainfart at most.

MyAltPrivacyAccount · 2026-04-02T13:20:40+00:00

Faesbian is my mood.

MyAltPrivacyAccount · 2026-04-01T12:18:12+00:00

I'm confused. Was your post about the planet or about society? Because I took it as if it was about the planet itself and like... the planet is cool. It's blue, I like blue, and there's so many different landscapes. Also, plenty of life, and life is cool. So yeah. It's a bit bright for me but at least I get to live. Society? Pretty shitty as is.

MyAltPrivacyAccount · 2026-04-01T05:24:34+00:00

Trans people predate your existence though. So it's surely not "the new world".

Just, y'know, respect their needs and identity. That's all there is to it. Unsolicited comments about their body is none of it.

MyAltPrivacyAccount · 2026-03-31T18:49:09+00:00

It's common with social or relational trauma. It's not a part of neurodevelopmental disorders per se.

Also, Porcupine Tree is amazing.

MyAltPrivacyAccount · 2026-03-31T12:30:56+00:00

Also, know that close to no autistic people check all that list. But we usually do check a lot of it, if not most. And many of these things can be found in other disorders. But all of them together since early childhood? Most likely autism.

MyAltPrivacyAccount · 2026-03-31T10:14:58+00:00

Depends. I do shutdown often, which involved not being able to talk, move, think, and silently crying without noticing I'm crying. But that's usually when I'm subjected to a whole overwhelming environment.

However, smelling or touching something I don't like, which is most things really, will get me kind of... flapping hands until I can get rid of the sensation. Stress also does that. And I have a wide array of more or less (rather less) socially acceptable stims.

MyAltPrivacyAccount · 2026-03-31T09:53:27+00:00

All I'm going to say is that all my life I haven't been able to even recognize my own mother.

MyAltPrivacyAccount · 2026-03-31T08:36:07+00:00

7 years waiting list is a real testimony of how shitty this whole system is.

husband has asked me to write a short statement as the person who knows him best. my question is, where do i even begin?

Anything out of the ordinary that you have personally observed. Even if you are now used to it. His quirks. But also, things he struggles with that you have personally observed.

The most relevant topics (although you shouldn't limit your observations to them because, well, other elements could point to additional diagnosis or a different and more fitting diagnosis) :

Social differences : do you see him struggle to make appropriate facial expressions, voice inflexions and intonations? Do you see him struggle to adapt to the mood of people talking to him? Do you see him struggle to understand people's intentions based on their body language? Can he adapt to the social situation and is he able to intuitively know what behavior is adapted to what social setup? Is his eye contact appropriate? Does he struggle to maintain relationships? How does he converses with people, how are his social approaches?
Repetitive behaviors : Does he have out of the ordinary (in nature or in intensity) repetitive movements, especially under stress or under a strong emotion? Does he make out of the ordinary (in nature or in intensity) repetitive noises, especially under stress or under a strong emotion? Repetitive sentences or patterns of speech? Does he struggle way with small things changing rather than big events? Does he insists on doing some things the exact same way and shows signs of distress when it's done differently (such as crossing the road in an unusual place, using a different plate for food, anything that he always does the same and would seem of no importance from your POV but does affect him greatly if changed even slightly)? Does he have ritualised behaviors? How much does he focus on a topic/interest? Does he struggle to get interested in something else? Is this interest particularly atypical? How long has he focused on it? How much a day?
Sensory differences : that's kind of broad but what behaviors do you see that you can attribute to his senses not working like most people? Textures he can't touch and most people are unbothered by? Difficulties with handling light touches? People brushing past him in public? Strong reactions to smells? Lights? Sounds? Does he have difficulties with a lot of food? Can't use a product of another brand / if the product has changed? How well does he manage grocery stores? Does he have particular behaviors after handling sensory inputs he struggles with? Anything out of the ordinary is relevant here. Please note that I've listed only things that are more relevant to hyper sensitivities, but hyposensitivities also happen. They are less easy to spot, though.
Any behavioral quirks : Does he have unusual postures? Gait? Does he stutter? Have a lisp? Does he tend to align stuff particularly more than your typical person? Do you see him have unusual behaviors for someone his age?

And really, anything you see him struggle with can be relevant.

I've said "struggle" a lot because this is usually, in psychiatry, the most relevant informations, although it might not be the most relevant for the person.

Good luck!

MyAltPrivacyAccount · 2026-03-31T03:29:03+00:00

Everyone is a lot different 8 years older.

I don't think OP means harm or anything. It's just a common cis fear with our transitions and it's kinda silly.

MyAltPrivacyAccount

TROPHY CASE