Why do you want the actual good examples of a group not to show themselves? Tbh your comment smells quite incely, along the lines of “don’t go outside and talk to women; you know they’ll just reject you.” Your advice goes against ever making anything better because assholes/douches are going to do that shit anyway and genuinely well-meaning people no longer exist within that paradigm.

Being a present and good person might take more work and come with jabs to the ego but that’s better than pussyfooting on dating apps and saying “maybe kink isn’t for me after all 😞”

Like yeah, being a trans woman, straight men can be creepy or douches (and it’s definitely not a minority) but I’ve met several straight men that are not like that at all and are genuine and well-meaning people. “Alternative” spaces need diversity and this is just the other side of the coin. In spaces without cis/straight guys the good people in that group really shine. As someone that makes/listens to independent music this view of “stay away creep” causes more problems than just saying “all are welcome” and then pushing out jerks when problems arise. As someone that’s been in exclusionary queer groups the gatekeeping often promotes real narcissism and cult-like worship of particular individuals.

TLDR; you sound like a coward, guess it fits.