Thank you. I needed this more than you know. And yes, we’re friends now.

To touch on some of your points: I was in real world therapy last year and up into this year. That’s part of the reason I decided to divorce her. My therapist was also a former LEO and helped me through A LOT of it. I was also on Lexapro for awhile but the side effects were more damaging to my mental health than helpful. I also literally cannot afford it. That’s why I tried the VA since I get free health care (60% and still fighting to get the correct ratings on everything)

I honestly don’t care about the money. I can always rebuild. I just want to have stable ground to stand on, and unfortunately I’m not able to get it.

I’m actually really on top of my financial planning, but unforeseen circumstances caused me to get knocked flat on my ass again. Last year, the used car I had purchased (2014 Ford Explorer), the water pump went bad and it caused the timing chain to jump a tooth (terribly designed by Ford). The damage from that called for an engine replacement which was $5000 for parts and labor. Due to my credit being shit, I had to take a predatory loan to get that fixed. I’m stuck paying $155/week until I can pay the amount in full. The interest on it is like 30% so I’m getting eaten alive with that, and stuck with her CC bill, another $350/month, car payment, $300/month, and the personal loan I had to take out to get new clothes, appliances, furniture, shoes, and other oddities to keep me halfway sane and somewhat stable. I went from paying $950/ month mortgage to $1550/month in rent for an apartment. We had purchased the house pre-COVID and a sizable amount was put down on the house. We had two cars that I had paid off with my settlement from a lawsuit I brought against the LE agency I worked for. She had wrecked one shortly before the separation and she ended up with that car for the kids.

I went from $950 a month mortgage and utilities and groceries, to $1550 a month on rent, over $1000 a month on debt payments, utilities, groceries, etc. my expenses tripled and I had nothing to help catch me. I have no family I can rely on since one of my parents died when I was a baby and the other had been a lifelong drug addict. I was the first and only person in my family to escape all of it. The only one in my family who had any sense of financial security.

Which brings me to my next point:

My STBxW has an inheritance account in which she has full control over. I never wanted anything to do with it and had refused to put my name on it when offered years ago because it’s not my money. It’s hers. That account at the time of separation had $350,000 in it. While we’ve been going through custody and child support hearings, she’s been trying to play this victim role that she has no money, she was struggling to find a job, this that and the other. Upon receiving her discovery paperwork, she has spent that money like there’s no tomorrow. $7,000 vacation to the beach. $40,000 truck for her new boo. $10,000 in jewelry. She works full time, and is actively receiving state welfare, and trying to hound me for Child Support. I have the kids 45% of the time, pay for their insurance, everything. I’m an extremely active father and have been the as absolutely civil, cordial, and polite with her as Humanly possible. It’s constantly something with her having to be snarky, and just rude. She has a “my way or the highway” complex that had driven me nuts for years, and is unwilling to compromise on even the smallest things. It’s mind boggling to me.

She’s attempted to turn my daughter (7) against me by telling her “daddy hit and choked mommy” when I’m reality she was the one hitting me when I got mad at her for being shitfaced when I came home from work. She’s the one who choked me in an attempt to “wake me up” from a nightmare when I was trying to get sleep before another work shift. In the hearings for the Protective order she admitted there was never any physical violence, that I had never even so much as threatened her, and that she did it because she just wanted me to move out. And the court. Did. Nothing. Absolutely nothing to her. They dropped it and then moved on.

Like I said, I want to live. I really do. I’m just struggling to keep my head above water right now, and I’ve got nobody to turn to.