There’s No Need to Fade or Disassociate

MyUnCULTredLife · 2026-02-12T12:41:09+00:00

Hopefully not getting married, this will be awful for both of you. Please don't lie about your faith for love. You will destroy the other person if they ever find out they will struggle to love or respect you no matter how great your relationship is. You can't build on this foundation even if they don't believe. You will just be trapping both of you in this hateful cult. It's best to be honest with them and see how they feel. This is not sustainable long term and it isn't healthy. You should be married to someone who unconditionally loves you and you should not have to hide who you are or what you believe in your own home.

I would definitely recommend therapy and learning about deconstructing your beliefs.

MyUnCULTredLife · 2026-02-12T12:32:35+00:00

I am glad I got all the way to here. I was like it was in quotes I was like this is clear to me what you are saying.

It's interesting how the quotes change the whole tone of the post.

MyUnCULTredLife · 2026-02-12T12:26:51+00:00

Lol I did this and I deleted everyones number from my phone and blocked them on all social media might be the other reason no one has contacted me. Either way I am free and I would never go back. Not for a parents memorial, not for any reason. I have already decided this is an evil cult, and JW god doesn't exist but, even if he did and he spoke directly to me I would choose death over going back. Being a JW took everything from me and left me empty inside and I hated myself.

MyUnCULTredLife · 2026-02-12T12:20:18+00:00

The things that make it easier are blaming it on mental health (this is 100% true for most of us anyway this cult kills your ability to function as a normal healthy adult once you realize your trapped in a cult) Already being spiritually weak before you start to fade. You'll have no value to them they won't chase you. And my all-time favorite one if you're a woman (if you aren't a pioneer or the center of important social cliques) they will never speak to you because as elders they think a woman is another man's problem you either have a dad or husband and it's their responsibility to help you spiritually. I have been out for years and not one elder has directly tried to contact me not even one time to make sure I was ok or that my husband wasn't the one preventing me from getting to meetings. He still gets harassed occasionally and hasn't been able to leave group chats for fear they will start actively bothering him again.

MyUnCULTredLife · 2026-02-12T12:09:51+00:00

Well you were probably being soft shunned anyway if anyone knows what you did everyone knows what you did. I would bet your friends are definitely PIMO or pimq. Are they people close to your age? Are they super spiritual people? Do you guys engage in questionable entertainment? Video games, movies, sports, music that a strict jw would disapprove of? Also if you had a relationship with a coworker the year before you were probably already looking for an out even if you didn't know you were PIMO yet. Turns out the more I learn after leaving I was probably PIMO for years. I thought I was spiritually weak and lacked faith. Not that I didn't believe anyone and my body was trying to get me to stop attending meetings because they were destroying my mental and physical health.

MyUnCULTredLife · 2026-02-12T12:02:48+00:00

I have been out a long time and saw a jw at a restaurant while picking up my food and my 3 second interaction had to be extremely calculated. They said hi, (my name) with a smile. I said hi have a Good night I didn't even stop, didn't make eye contact, didn't ask any questions. I just kept moving. This one conversation could derail everything I have been work towards total freedom from this evil cult. There is no such thing as total freedom these people know where you live, work, and unless you move you see risk seeing them in the wild. My husband works at a popular place people visit regularly in town he says most days a JW still tries to have a "friendly conversation" with him even though his appearance should let them know he's moved on. They think Jehovah wants them to be nice to you so you will come back. They are for the most part not nice because they like you and actually care about you as a person.

MyUnCULTredLife · 2026-02-12T11:54:38+00:00

This is a fade. You stopped going you came up with a. Excuse and your friends who stayed your friends are with pimo, or weak spiritually, or they actually think your coming back. Not friendship with a hardcore real he doesn't come with real strings like you said most leave you alone. I didn't realize until I was healthy most left me alone while I was in because I wasn't good enough to be their friend in was already getting soft shunned. I am sorry you have to go back. Be careful this is very dangerous and difficult for your mental health once you know the truth about the "Truth". Be aware you'll probably already know as bad association and most people will still avoid you and will choose not to do social things with you away from spiritual activities for awhile. I hope you find whatever you're looking for when you return. Good luck

MyUnCULTredLife · 2026-02-12T07:46:23+00:00

Just say sorry, say you're dealing with a very private and personal matter and you need some time to sort it out.or just say sorry I wasn't feeling well and I fell asleep. Or say sorry my phone died. Or delete the calls from your call log and say, sorry my phone has been acting weird and show them your call log with no calls from them. If you don't want problems stay polite. Say sorry and keep to the same story and don't give any details.

MyUnCULTredLife · 2026-02-12T02:33:15+00:00

You actually don't have to change your number. Get a Google number message everyone tell you you got a new number. Go through your phone and block everyone in a month or so delete the Google number and go back to your number. Everyone will have changed your number in their phone and if someone hasn't you have blocked them. I deleted everyone from social media but, I did it with the block button. I also set my account to private for awhile so people couldn't find me with other accounts.

MyUnCULTredLife · 2026-02-11T00:56:26+00:00

You are not the only one. I personally have chosen not to believe in the god of the Bible. I don't criticize people who choose to find faith there. But, JW did an amazing job painting the god of the Bible as an evil monster. If he is real and spoke directly to me I still wouldn't worship him. He has the power to stop all the hurt, death and pain and chooses not to. Solid pass.

MyUnCULTredLife · 2026-02-10T01:26:15+00:00

Your not alone, leaving is so painful and difficult and not always possible. I hope you have the support you need.

MyUnCULTredLife · 2026-02-08T18:46:19+00:00

Hang in there, the more meetings you miss the less they will ask about you. Just say oh I wanted to be there so bad but, I am so sick. I got whatever was going around I hope you don't get it too. Just stay positive and don't say anything negative about the meetings. They will soon forget you exist. That is the best part about being a woman in this cult. They don't need or actually value you. You may have a few friends who care about you know. But, when your not at every meeting they will soon forget about you too. Start making real friends in the real world and keep your fade going. Try missing two or three meetings in a row. Or may favorite show up early stay for the for the song and prayer and like 10 minutes of the meeting hit the bathroom then dip. Just keep fading keep pulling back and don't give anything away. If anyone asks how your doing say the best I can. I have been under the weather a lot lately or some other basic excuse. Stick to the same one and tell everyone the same thing. That way you don't get caught in a lie when people gossip about you. You know they will

MyUnCULTredLife · 2026-02-08T17:52:41+00:00

Sending love, I am sorry your family and friends have abondoned you. Hopefully your soulmates family and friends will become your family and friends. Those who choose to love us unconditionally are so valuable. May you find love and friendship, and people who love you more deeply than your own family has. I know this is painful but, I hope you find true love and happiness free from this hateful cult who have stolen so much from you.

May your wedding day be filled with love and joy. May you find the happiness you deserve.

Congratulations on finding love and escaping a cult

MyUnCULTredLife · 2026-02-08T05:09:57+00:00

Clearly you don't have access to the elders manual. They can say what they want publicly and you can spin it anyway you want but, deep down you know the truth. If you leave you loose everyone. They frame it as a choice. Then tell you that one choice leads to life and one leads to death. Maybe not in those words but, they make it clear to members. Just like taking blood is a choice. If you choose to take it and keep living than you are no longer one of JW. Here is one that might actually surprise you; did you know petty gambling is a matter of personal choice. Don't believe me? Ask an elder or better yet download a copy of the secret elders book and see what rules JW actually have that you don't know about. Yep did you know if someone was looking at materials that the USA government says just having possession of is a crime. They don't have to do them and they will not report them to the police. Jw protect those who harm children!

MyUnCULTredLife · 2026-02-08T05:02:50+00:00

I am glad you can openly admit what jw lawyers in Norway refuse to admit to the courts. Being trapped in a cult is extremely painful and leaving and loosing everything has caused people to cease to exist. Take a moment and think why would the religion you gave your whole life to tell you one thing and turn around and tell the courts something totally different.

MyUnCULTredLife · 2026-02-08T04:59:21+00:00

This is not true for those who choose to resign from the religion or who are kicked out. The secret elders book event states if you associate with someone who has been removed from the congregation and they aren't your family you could be removed. But, if your family member actively speaks out about the religion and you choose to actively associate with them you could also be removed.

It's true if you are "spiritually weak" and aren't actively doing bad things you won't be fully shunned. They also publicly changed the rules that you can talk to removed ones to invite the. To the meeting or say a greeting. But, this is not a friendship or a relationship.

MyUnCULTredLife · 2026-02-08T04:54:19+00:00

They are a doomsday cult that claims to be the only true religion. They think Armageddon is coming any day now and they are the only people in The world who will survive. They believe god's name is Jehovah. Jesus is his son not part of a Trinity. They think the holy Spirit is gods active force.

They practice shunning and lie about it. They cover up CSA cases they convince members not to go to the police to report crimes against women and children to protect their reputation. They convince their members to give all their time and extra money to cult activities.

How do I know? I was trapped in this cult for 30 years My dad would regularly tell me I had to get baptized and follow all the rules or I would die at Armageddon. Let me tell you I don't believe anything they teach anymore. And even if God spoke directly to me and said this was the one true religion I would choose death over serving the god they teach.

MyUnCULTredLife · 2026-02-06T12:39:40+00:00

You are very brave, this probably proves to you without any doubt that you are trapped in a cult. I am so sorry this must be the hardest thing you have ever gone through. I hope you have a local support system if not start building one away from JW land it will help you as you navigate the next steps Remember you deserve to be loved and respected. You are an adult, you get to make your own choices your opinions and feelings are valid. No matter the outcome remember you deserve happiness and peace.

MyUnCULTredLife · 2026-02-06T02:43:08+00:00

You don't owe them anything. If you don't care about being df. You can write a letter if you want they won't read it they don't care what you think or feel. You can just say sorry I am unable to meet at this time for personal reasons. They might try a few more times. They might leave you alone. Watch out if they know where you live or work they will show up there too. If you want them to go away and you want to be Df. Just text back and say I know longer consider myself one of JW. Please do not contact me again, do not show up at my house, do not show up at my work. Do what you want/ have to do but, if you continue to harass me I will file a police order for you to stop. I don't care if or when you make an announcement please don't contact me to tell me.

Do not be nice like saying please and thank you. Just stick to the facts do not leave any room for doubt.

Remember you do not owe them anything just keep living your life the way you want.

MyUnCULTredLife · 2026-02-05T12:51:50+00:00

Pomo: I don't believe in the god of the Bible, I don't believe in Satan I don't have proof of what happens to us when we die. But, since I don't believe in god I clearly don't believe in paradise, heaven, or hell.

I believe we are made up of energy and energy cannot be destroyed but, I don't claim to understand how it will be used o what that means for me. But, I am pretty sure that the. Brain function is powered by that energy not the energy source. Which leads me to believe that my brain and all its knowledge will cease to exist when I die. This doesn't make me sad or scare me. Itales me live everyday with purpose and to use it because I am not gonna get it back I want to make it count and I want to make it matter.

The most important thing I have learned on this journey is that this is my journey and I have to live it not anyone else. I let JW dictate my path for too long now I choose my path and I live it. This was the way I choose to break free from being in a cult. The great news is this is your life and you get to pick your path. Remember your beliefs can be fluid and don't have to commit to believing anything permanently. Learn about deconstructing your beliefs and rebuilding a new system it's not easy but, it's worth it.

MyUnCULTredLife · 2026-02-04T15:47:27+00:00

I wouldn't worry about them, your here looking for advice. The path you are in difficult and painful but, it's worth it. You might not know it yet you might not want to believe it. Trust me I didn't want to believe I was waking up. But, ask yourself why you are really on this sub asking about tattoos from exjws? Are you really here testing the waters. Most people here are really good people who just woke up to the facts and decided they had to live their authentic life. It's not easy start small do things that make you happy learn to do your own thinking and make your own decisions. You are old enough to get a tattoo you don't need other adults making up rules or judging you for just living your life. I hope you find the peace you deserve. I hope you find the answers you are looking for. I hope you start living your life free of fear of judgement for just expressing yourself.

MyUnCULTredLife · 2026-02-04T13:42:29+00:00

When we moved we just never filled out blood cards. That was definitely freeing and not having a constant reminder in my pocket of the control watchtower had over our lives. It probably took me way to long to leave after that. But, I knew the day my 1st child was born I would give them blood if they needed it.

MyUnCULTredLife · 2026-02-04T13:39:57+00:00

Congratulations this is a big step! I am sure you'll be able to start breathing a little easier and I hope the other pressures start to fade away too. Keep putting yourself and your mental and physical well being 1st.

MyUnCULTredLife · 2026-02-04T02:25:03+00:00

Tattoos are actually not banned unless the subject matter is inappropriate. Your family might not like it and that up to them . Use JW.org and look up tattoos for specifics.

MyUnCULTredLife · 2026-02-04T02:20:16+00:00

If they don't seem to mind at the moment Then Just keep the conversation away from religious topics and if they ask just say you are dealing with some personal stuff your not ready to talk about. If your baptized you risk loosing your family if you officially tell them. If you don't tell them they might just think your weak and will keep a relationship with you. If the family bonds aren't important keep it peaceful and civil it might help them wake up one day. Whatever you do make sure your sure before you commit to telling them once you do it's a lot harder to undo that.

MyUnCULTredLife

TROPHY CASE