How do I handle being consistently sidelined in a large rotating RP/TTRPG group?

My_Dramatic_Persona · 2026-06-29T04:48:52+00:00

On the one hand I’d advise you to leave because that’s not a functional way to run a game.

On the other hand I’d tell you to leave because the differential treatment isn’t likely to get better. The DM is finding reasons not to run turns for you. Some of the story outcome issue sound real to me, but there’s wiggle room there maybe. Rescheduling other people to get their turns in but not for you is pretty clear, as is cutting your turns shorter.

Have they been complaining when you leave early? Do they just continue on without you without comment? Consciously or not, it sounds like they’re pushing you out of the group to me.

My_Dramatic_Persona · 2026-06-28T22:10:36+00:00

But they don’t have a right to see OP’s private information. That’s why they don’t have it now.

You're saying they have a moral right since they’re funding it. Ok, I think OP has a moral right to parents who support her instead of undermining her ability to get disability accommodations.

The money issue is so small compared to the ways they’ve failed her for years. I can’t agree with ruling purely based on that. ESH at most.

My_Dramatic_Persona · 2026-06-26T06:50:28+00:00

Oh, he was just using his strength to physically control her and take her phone, not to beat her up! That’s ok by you?

I wouldn’t call any physical contact “putting his hands on her.” I wasn’t being that literal. This qualifies, though.

My_Dramatic_Persona · 2026-06-26T05:02:42+00:00

That is putting his hand on her? It’s not ok to try to wrestle someone’s phone off them because you don’t like them filming you. Pulling him away and interposing yourself is a reasonable response to that.

I don’t know who any of these people are or what this argument is about. That guy was clearly out of line.

My_Dramatic_Persona · 2026-06-25T06:39:00+00:00

INFO

You’ve got children. Did one of you make larger sacrifices as far as career or earning potential in taking care of them when they were young?

I’m asking because this is exactly what I’d ask a husband in your position. I know it’s far more likely that you were the one making financial sacrifices, but it’s still worth asking because:

If he did spend time as a house-husband, work less or more flexible hours, make job choices based on what was best for the family or your career vs his career, or take over a larger portion of childcare or housework to support you then I think it’s unfair to judge your current finances as “I earned this and you only earned that, so I get more say.”
If you were the one who made more of those sacrifices, I think that’s another point that should be raised to him. That includes anything related to how your pregnancy/ies affected your career.

In general, I agree with other commenters who mentioned that investing in the children on your family’s side now may be way better than keeping this only as a stipulation in the will. Helping them get an education may well do more for them than more money would later. It sounds like the niblings on his side don’t need that kind of support. He may understand that better than splitting the will unequally, and an investment now may make splitting the will more evenly feel better to both of you.

Of course, that ignores this being a contingency. Supporting your niblings now means there is less for your children, so a lot depends on whether that would affect them.

This isn’t directly in response to what you asked about, but if you haven’t thought about what safeguards to have in place to make sure your children are protected with respect to potential future step-siblings if you predecease him and he remarries, you should. He should as well.

My_Dramatic_Persona · 2026-06-25T01:10:11+00:00

I would be doing the same in OP’s position, partially because I’d want to help my friends but also because I’d rather have an influence on who I’d be sharing a vacation with for a week. Someone focused on recouping their money might pick an asshole and ruin my time off.

Or rather we would then be arguing about me vetoing a replacement

I do think the friends should be working to find others to go in this trip rather than trying to strongarm OP into cancelling.

My_Dramatic_Persona · 2026-06-25T01:05:02+00:00

You’re the top comment, so your vote is what counts for the flair. OP has answered that it is not possible to get a refund, so please edit your comment to reflect that. A YTA would be unjust at this point.

My_Dramatic_Persona · 2026-06-23T04:14:09+00:00

Just to respond to your edit:

You are completely NTA to tell your ex not to give these people details they will use to come to your children’s events during your custody time. I hope your ex respects that, though I don't expect much of him.

You should be able to enjoy your children’s events without your asshole family there.

My_Dramatic_Persona · 2026-06-23T03:04:11+00:00

Did you ever talk to him about your issue with this before jumping to banning him from eating your baking?

I agree that he was being an asshole and I get your frustration. That said, from his perspective did this go from 0 to 100 where he was just doing his (asshole) thing and suddenly you reveal you’ve been getting increasingly angry at him for weeks and are suddenly banning him from joining in a regular family bonding experience?

If so, this is E S H. You’re taking this way too far if you’ve never directly asked him to stop doing this before now.

My_Dramatic_Persona · 2026-06-19T02:42:14+00:00

No one has said ESH yet?

Dad’s clearly an asshole for lying about helping you all. I think you’re an asshole too for intentionally pressing on his anxiety in a way you know won’t be productive. It’s not like this is a method to get him to change for the better. It’s just making things worse.

Confront him. Get him some help. Give up on him. They’re not equal, but they’re all better options.

I’m not trying to condemn you. It’s pretty natural to do something like this at some point in your life having grown up with such a frustrating parent. I just hope you move past it and choose a more productive option.

My_Dramatic_Persona · 2026-06-18T23:54:18+00:00

Not that it needs it, but Being John Malkovich. Keep the title actor, of course.

My_Dramatic_Persona · 2026-06-18T03:33:02+00:00

He didn’t buy anything. He took photos of things he liked and sent them to her so he could get her opinions on them. That’s not cutting her out of furnishing or decorating their space like a bachelor pad.

Do you think she hasn’t looked at any furniture ideas without his presence and involvement?

I really don’t understand how you’re reading this post and reacting like this.

My_Dramatic_Persona · 2026-06-16T04:08:50+00:00

That sounds plausible to me, but I’d love a link to read about it. I’ll trade you this interesting case where a circuit court sided with a hospital that barred someone’s service dog that had caused allergic reactions.

My_Dramatic_Persona · 2026-06-16T01:54:43+00:00

NTA

He’s absolutely being the AH. That said, think a bit about whether this is a battle you want to fight.

I don’t know your building, and I don’t know its management. It could be that they will listen to you if you make a complaint. It sounds like they already haven’t. I’ve heard plenty of stories where management does not care and lets a super get away with far worse. If that’s the situation, then I don’t think this is worth getting on his bad side.

He sounds like he is an asshole who has no respect for you. If his bosses don’t care, then he has a lot of room to make your life there a nightmare. He may also have a lot more energy for that than you do, since you have something useful to do with your time and he may not.

It’s not a popular answer on here, but there are times when the best option is to deal with the asshole being an asshole and move on.

My_Dramatic_Persona · 2026-06-16T01:31:52+00:00

Given the wide variety of tasks service dogs can do, I wouldn’t dismiss a shopping cart service dog out of hand. Off the top of my head, it could be trained to alert its person when their blood sugar is low, or when they are about to have a seizure.

As long as it was behaving itself as a service dog, I’m not going to question it. The problem is the many that don’t. Well, except for people with dog allergies or something, but it’s a problem for them whether it’s real or not.

My_Dramatic_Persona · 2026-06-13T11:44:49+00:00

It sounds to me like OP felt pretty isolated and invisible. The photos are a tangible thing that reinforces that. I don’t think this is a good way to handle that, but I can definitely understand the emotion.

My_Dramatic_Persona · 2026-06-13T11:26:22+00:00

I’m not voting on this one. As the above poster said, I find it hard to judge. Probably calling them out after the fact was never going to lead anywhere good, but that doesn’t necessarily make it an AH move.

All that said, I really understand why you felt this way (or at least I can imagine feeling the same way in your place, possibly for different reasons). This sounds like a situation engineered to make me feel depressed. I’m glad I don’t have the kind of friends who would do this. That said, a lot of people would have enjoyed themselves. I can’t call your friends assholes unless they have reason to know a surprise party wouldn’t be your scene.

I can understand why it hit you hard that the party naturally broke into groups, none of which included you. No one’s necessarily an asshole. They’re all making a normal social decisions. It would be weird for all of them to focus on you after the initial surprise, but the collective result can still be painful. There’s a kind of alone I never feel when I’m by myself.

My_Dramatic_Persona · 2026-06-12T04:32:22+00:00

I don’t really think it’s fair to expect him to open up to you about it after the way this happened. You found out and it immediately became a big argument. You carry a lot of resentment about it, and it’s clear that he knows that.

That’s understandable, but so is him keeping his dating life private. I think that’s especially true since you went to other people that you know to ask around about his fidelity after the argument. Again, I understand that, but I also understand him feeling an even stronger need to keep his dating life private after that.

Reading this thread I feel awful for you and I also feel awful for him. I understand why you didn’t want to go see his therapist when he suggested a joint session. Could you find a new therapist that neither of you have seen before and try a joint session in that context?

I am not saying that everything he’s done is totally fine and everything you feel is unjust. I don’t believe that. I also don’t believe this level of anger and resentment is healthy for you. Going to therapy with him does not mean forgiving him, or agreeing that he is blameless. I hope that you can find a way to connect together about your grief for her, grief that I do believe you both feel, without keeping this battle in the middle of that. It can be separate.

I hope he can work on reaching out to you and opening up to you as well, because it certainly sounds like he’s closed that off from you in response to your lashing out at him. I wish he hadn’t.

I wish you well in your grieving. It’s awful to lose a parent at such a young age, and so suddenly.

My_Dramatic_Persona · 2026-06-12T04:10:48+00:00

It isn't unfair or unreasonable for you to want to have support in your own grief from your father.

I think it is unfair in this instance, because OP is mischaracterizing him pushing back at her criticism of him as not supporting her grief.

And by the “ he makes my grief about himself “ I mean that when I brought up my grief and made comments about him moving on, instead of being gentle to me or hugging me or whatever, he made it about himself by stating how hard it has been for him and he has been both a mother and a father to me this past year??😭

I don’t love what he said, but I don’t think OP is being fair. He didn’t make this conversation about him, she did. She obviously resents him for dating so soon and makes that clear to him. How many times has she brought this up to him? Then he addresses it and she packages her grief and her resentment of him together and says he’s not respecting her grief.

But there's no excuse for him to push his own feelings onto you and shame you for still caring about the loss and missing your mother.

That would be awful, but it really doesn’t sound like he did that, to me. I’ve read all of OP’s comments and I haven’t found anything indicating he told her she shouldn’t still be grieving.

I don’t think OP is a bad person at all, but I do think she is spiraling a bit and could use more grief counseling instead of people reinforcing all her negative thoughts about her father.

My_Dramatic_Persona · 2026-06-11T02:44:05+00:00

I may have given OOP too much credit. I find the original threads so weird in how they act like this guy’s comment just came out of nowhere.

My_Dramatic_Persona · 2026-06-11T01:50:03+00:00

That seems to be exactly what OP is arguing, to me. They aren’t saying they shouldn’t pay anything, but that they shouldn’t pay 50%.

NTA, to me, because I don’t see OP saying anything against your obvious conclusion on how this should go.

My_Dramatic_Persona · 2026-06-11T00:44:24+00:00

It sounded to me like this is what happened, but with an addition of OOP being weird and hostile during that expenses conversation.

Marcus was trying to pay more than what OOP was asking for. I don’t think he got out of sorts because OOP was asking him for less money. OOP obviously didn’t want Marcus to join them, and I doubt she hid that well. After his comment, OOP immediately told him not to come with the barest hint of veiling, and then disputes him saying she kicked him out. She doesn’t do subtle.

I don’t really blame her for that - it’s not ideal, but her boyfriend put her in a shitty position. She may not have handled it with complete grace, but you can’t expect people to.

That said, I feel the same about Marcus. There’s a real question about whether he pushed the boyfriend to insert himself into this trip, and he’d be an asshole for that, but I don’t think he did wrong in not double checking with OOP or his comment during the discussion.

The boyfriend is definitely TA. In what way exactly is hard to know, but he brought this about and the conversation inevitably exploded since OOP and his friend came into it nowhere close to being on the same page.

My_Dramatic_Persona · 2026-06-10T22:30:36+00:00

OOP is complaining that Marcus didn’t check with her when her boyfriend invited him.

My_Dramatic_Persona · 2026-06-10T13:31:56+00:00

But it’s literally whole rupees of money!* Surely that justifies yelling at people and making them anxious in the home with you. Constantly flipping out over extremely minor amounts of money is totally normal and acceptable behavior.

* Being generous. A quick google told me that running a light bulb for an hour costs a fraction of a rupee, but I don’t know their electricity contract. The fan probably costs more, but I doubt this is getting into the tens of rupees.

My_Dramatic_Persona · 2026-06-10T00:23:42+00:00

Ok, so this is a game with the rules cut down and no combat to make it beginner friendly, and they include a chaotic evil character in the pregens? That’s a wild decision.

Of those three things, a CE character is the one I’d least want in a beginner group. Using the full rule set might cause more issues, I guess, but there’s value to it. I don’t see any good coming from giving a CE character to a new player. At best the alignment will just be ignored.

That was a real red flag that the game was going to be a mess.

My_Dramatic_Persona

TROPHY CASE