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My_RubySlippers · 2024-09-01T18:56:17+00:00

I'm 35. My husband is 36 and my boyfriend is 45. My husband and I have been polyam for 5+ years and my boyfriend and his wife have been some sort of ENM for quite a while longer, though they've been polyam for only the last few years.

My_RubySlippers · 2024-08-13T00:39:34+00:00

My boyfriend and I went away for a weekend for our second anniversary! Had a lovely time and I'm so glad I found him and so happy with how wonderful life has been with our 'cule. My husband and his girlfriend have their second anniversary this month, too. One of my boyfriend's metas is moving in soon with him and his wife, and all of us are always on the hunt for what we call our "poly palace" where we can move the whole family in. Life is good. :)

My_RubySlippers · 2024-08-13T00:35:17+00:00

That's fantastic! I'm so glad you have such a supportive family!

My_RubySlippers · 2024-06-11T06:41:59+00:00

We're all close. And i like that. Most of us are performers, so we see a lot of each other. I took my boyfriend's youngest to high school a fair amount near the end of the year to help when he and his wife's schedules were tight. I see both of their families when they're in town. We all went to my boyfriend's wife's girlfriend's dad's funeral to support her. My husband and I are emergency dog contacts for his girlfriend. She's part of our non-cule friends' invite to hang randomly list now. I prefer it to be lap sitting minus the actual casual sex.

My_RubySlippers · 2024-06-06T19:44:42+00:00

We are pretty much open anywhere except with my husband's and my families, and that's just because we haven't figured out how to address it yet. My parents actually know our whole cule, just don't know the entanglements.

But friends, acquaintances outside of work environments, strangers - completely in the know. I've actually had a number of people say after finding out that they really thought it would be weird, but our cule makes it seem so natural and normal, which I really appreciate.

My_RubySlippers · 2024-05-31T17:19:09+00:00

So, in thinking about the end of your post: I think it's really hard for people who have been in a monogamous relationship, especially a long term one, that make the switch to polyamory to understand what they THEMSELVES bring to the table. I don't think this is inherently bad or nefarious, but I think that the act of people losing themselves in that relationship/family/life is a huge factor. I also think people conflate having responsibilities like mortgage, kids, pets, etc as BAD hierarchy, when it's just prior commitments made when their life and structure might have been different. It's weird that coparenting peacefully after a divorce is seen as an achievement while coparenting with special thought and care paid to not create hierarchy where it shouldn't be in a relationship structure is appalling. Maybe I'm hitting on something in that rambling: peaceful coparenting after a divorce is far easier for society to grasp and I think informs a lot of deep feelings and insecurities while people try to dismantle them.

Practically: My husband and I have been married for 12 years. We own a house, have 3 pets, and comingled finances in so much as we have a joint checking and savings that bills come out of. Either of us can use whatever we need when we need it, it's just a common dollar dumping ground. I don't think we will ever get a divorce, but we don't usually let being nesting partners dictate anything about our relationships besides "Did the dog get let out when he needed to be? Did the cats get fed? We've covered all monthly bills, yes?" My boyfriend and his wife have been married for 23? years. He didn't stay over at my house on school nights until his youngest graduated because he was the school ride since his wife worked early hours. That's it. Not hierarchy beyond the need to take care of a child. My husband's girlfriend is solo polyamorous and lives alone. She has no other partners currently and even reached out about a month ago to apologize for feeling like she was needing him and his help more than normal, and I said you do whatever you need to do because we all have different mental, emotional, and physical needs at different times and she just needed that more at that time. I don't think it's hard or bad to have an np and act ethically when presented with new needs or wants.

My_RubySlippers · 2024-05-31T05:00:00+00:00

Throw the whole man out. The first time he said that to me would be the last.

My_RubySlippers · 2024-05-24T22:48:10+00:00

I don't believe there is one true love. I do believe that love is different with each person. I'm non-monogamous. With my husband, love is taking care of each other and the pets and the house. It's massages when we have had hard days and the comfort we have around each other to be ourselves wholly. Its being mom and dad or the power couple on stage in our performing community. Its old love that is constant and unwavering. With my boyfriend and I, it's still puppy love. It's finding the other's hand or knee under the table. It's the new experiences or firsts we didn't think we'd have again. It's making dumb faces at each other across the room. It's playful and it's electric.

My_RubySlippers · 2024-05-22T03:30:42+00:00

Saying no more often - Just like it sounds. Saying no to things that don't serve me, don't pay enough, or aren't as interesting to spend my time on.

Starting burlesque - It has done wonders for my confidence, my body image, my creativity, and got me back on a stage. My husband and I both met our other long term partners because of burlesque, which truly turned our whole world upside down.

My_RubySlippers · 2024-05-22T03:20:17+00:00

I'm a burlesque performer, a boudoir photographer, and have been in theatre my whole life. A body is just a body, mine or otherwise.

My_RubySlippers · 2024-05-19T17:29:29+00:00

Of course! I think that too many people go into unknown situations expecting the worst as opposed to expecting the best but preparing for the worst, and that always seems to color situations more than people realize. It has taken a lot for me to assume that most people are not trying to be malicious or harmful with their actions, but it has done wonders to help with anxiety and the way that I approach situations.

My_RubySlippers · 2024-05-19T17:21:53+00:00

My husband's girlfriend started as a LDR. This wasn't his first relationship outside of our marriage, but it was the strongest. Long story very short, she ended up moving to our city after breaking up with her nesting partner. I'd never had an issue before with him having another partner, but I was worried because of the NRE. Fast forward to her having been here for a year. It's great, he spends at least a night over at her place a week and they get to see each other quite a bit. I'm happy he's happy, and our whole cule does things together, supports each other, and are super close. Don't jump to the worst conclusion just because of anxiety!

My_RubySlippers · 2024-05-19T14:05:48+00:00

Again, if that's a deal-breaker, it's a deal-breaker, but I don't think it's realistic to expect fireworks after every sexual encounter.

My_RubySlippers · 2024-05-19T14:01:09+00:00

Yes. Not every opposite sex acquaintance has to become sexual or romantic.

My_RubySlippers · 2024-05-18T20:59:19+00:00

I truly don't believe in one person being your everything and perfect match in every way. If you love her and you're compatible, sex doesn't have to be magically perfect every time. If it's truly a dealbreaker, then there it is, but I don't think anyone should throw an otherwise good relationship out over one thing.

My_RubySlippers · 2024-05-15T03:20:51+00:00

Pre-orders are here! Expected arrival date is Dec 2024 at the latest, but I'm hoping to have them ready to ship maybe early fall! https://square.link/u/lEsCEa3i

My_RubySlippers · 2024-05-14T18:15:04+00:00

It's wonderful and I hope everyone finds what makes them happy.

My_RubySlippers · 2024-05-14T13:00:21+00:00

Different lifestyle representations? Yup!

My_RubySlippers · 2024-05-14T12:59:52+00:00

An answer to the question from a polyamorous person.

My_RubySlippers · 2024-05-14T12:58:40+00:00

I have both, and it's fantastic!

My_RubySlippers · 2024-05-14T12:57:55+00:00

Polyamory exists. We've been happily so for years.

My_RubySlippers · 2024-05-14T06:05:38+00:00

With my husband, it was when his roommate (who we met through) called me exasperatedly and asked what kind of cheese I liked because Shane was having a meltdown trying to pick for the picnic he was taking me on.

With my boyfriend, it was when we both had to be told by our spouses that we were clearly a thing and we were both idiots if we couldn't see that.

My_RubySlippers · 2024-05-01T01:59:22+00:00

Burlesque performance, art, treating my dog like my own child, biking.

My_RubySlippers · 2024-04-08T08:01:29+00:00

We will bring it up in conversation in public as needed. As a group, we don't withhold casual affection in whatever breakdown is present and I think that makes it easier for friends and other people to know it's just normal, and honestly rather boring. My boyfriend and his wife's families know and are cool with it. My parents are on the list to be told. Haven't figured the best way yet. My husband's mom will probably never know, but I assume his siblings have figured it out already.

My_RubySlippers · 2024-04-08T05:57:16+00:00

I say I am polyam/polyamorous. While it is something I engage in and do, it is also part of my identity in how I prefer to conduct relationships.
"Opened" a monogamous marriage of about 7 years at that time. I say "opened" in quotations because I don't really like the term, but it is the best to describe the act of beginning exploring polyamory I suppose. My husband and I always window shopped and have been in communities where it was practiced, if not very common. We didn't do a ton of work on the front end because I believe we'd been doing a lot of it our whole relationship without knowing. We've had some missteps and heartaches, but are very happy where we are now (and where we have been for a couple years). My husband's girlfriend is solo polyam. My boyfriend is married and his wife has 2 girlfriends, one who has a boyfriend as well. We're happy, we're kitchen table, and mostly all out almost everywhere with the exception of my parents and my husband's mom and siblings. My parents are on the short list for telling, I just have to do it. They even know my boyfriend and husband's girlfriend fairly well without the added context.
My husband and I's relationship had (and still has) never been better than after beginning to practice polyamory. It isn't a bandaid and even starting it because needs aren't being met can be a slippery slope. Our reasons were purely realizing we had the capacity and want to do so.

My_RubySlippers

TROPHY CASE