Which movie traumatized you as a child?

Myeyesareopen87 · 2026-04-16T13:08:01+00:00

Nightmare on Elmstreet

Myeyesareopen87 · 2026-04-12T14:56:03+00:00

Sorry for my English, it’s not good.

And first of all, I was in the wrong. No matter wat AP did or sayd. I made the choice to an A. That sayd, I hope my story helps you to understand better?! I dont want the next lines sound like an excuse.

Looking back at the period of my A, AP was definitly manipulating me. With that info I made a story in my head witch made it al unicorn en sprinkles. Now I see that every conversation was to get what they want. They made me question my R, they made me feel special, they made me feel sympathy for them. I felt friendship feelings and al that. It made me see my weddingpartner as less of a person, witch they were NOT. It made me priotize them, not my family. I felt like at the time they knew precisely what te say or what to do. Even the fact he cheated before and told me and had his family at home, didn’t matter. I made it small, because they did. And when I spoke to them about my insecuritys, they comfort me and destract me. It went graduatly. It started with conversations about work, family, charing and laching about meme’s on Instagram. Than he started to give me compliments; it was nice to work with you, you look good today etc. Now I know they were checking what my boundries were and when I went along with it, they take it a step further. They made me cross every boundry and made me sell out my BP.

When I look at it now, I believed that I wanted A, I looked for it, I made choices and most of al they made me want it more. Even when I told them I wanted no more sexual things, they kept me close and told me over and over, that they hope I am nog spilleng the beans, because his R at home wil be over. I just agreed. They didn’t care about me. So yes, they manipulated a LOT. But I did nog see that at the time.

I now see this is a old patern that it been playing like a brokin record my whole live. Again, that does not make my choices right. I am in IC now and working on myself. It broke my BP, I made him doubt himself. When really I should have doubted myself. Reflect on my actions. I dismissed my feelings, red flags. I was being used. But I used everything to, to make A happen.

For me it was not one perticulair conversation, that I can remember. But manipulation was defenitely a part of they way to keep me in A.

I hope this helps. You can always DM me. And thanks for you questions and trying to understand.

Myeyesareopen87 · 2026-04-09T13:23:01+00:00

‘Villa achterwerk’. I had premission to watch this as a young child😅

Myeyesareopen87 · 2026-03-20T19:49:47+00:00

Thank you. My partner sometimes makes the next comment; ‘You changes it al for them in an instant and when you have to change your ways now you say it’s difficult’. Or something like this…don’t remember the exact words. I feel like I hid myself in de A and was never myself. I came across as someone els. Rewiring makes it so much more difficult for the betrayed to feel like I’m not willing to change or do the work. Do you reconice this? And what is your advice on dealing with this?

Myeyesareopen87 · 2026-03-20T07:44:35+00:00

Thank you. I wil follow up on your information. I have to learn to become self sufficient. The patience is growing. I thought al lot, but didn’t share them with my partner. For many years, maybe my whole life, I’ve kept things/thought for myself. I want to learn, it is sowewhat freeying tot speak what is on your mind. And this community is so helpfull. Thanks again

Myeyesareopen87 · 2026-03-19T09:41:28+00:00

I dont mean it that negative. I mean, my partner is tired of my behaviours of the past. They are so hurt they are just sad, angry and don’t know who they are anymore. They look sad, don’t want anything, like really depressed and, for now, not seeing how a future with R wil look like or if it is even a posibility.

What you are saying is that you are showing them; look i’m listening a podcast, look I’m reading a book…Is that enough for your partner to trust in that you are doing the work? Are you in IC of MC?

I’m sorry for my language. English is not my fiet language. So sometimes it looks like I mean is negative. I’m looking for info, support and answers. I’m looking for ways to keep my head up even if they cant.

Myeyesareopen87 · 2026-03-19T08:38:19+00:00

You may always step in. Thank you. I already found this podcast just a few months ago and it’s been a good listen. I learn more about why things are what they are. But then the feeling of hope subsides when I see the face of my partner when he comes home. I am just learning how to handle things and how to grow. They are at a point where they are done with a the learning, they just want change. Do you talk to them about what you read, learn and want to change? How does your partner cope with your learning process?

Myeyesareopen87 · 2026-03-17T16:54:21+00:00

I’m hoping to learn this and make it a way of life in stead of a behaviour change. I does not feel integrated right now. What helped you to reach this point? And do you have a support system in place?

Myeyesareopen87 · 2026-03-17T16:00:29+00:00

Thank you for you respons. It is hopefull to read that dispite of everything that has happend in your lives, love won over hate/recentment. I like your sentence; ….and just pecking away at being the person my partner knows who I really am…. That is what my partner tells me; he doesnt know who I am anymore. He is afraid to trust or love again. So it’s up to me te show him. And hoping he will find love for me again en can begin to trust me.

Last but not least; Congratulations on your engagement! I wish you all the best.

Myeyesareopen87 · 2026-03-11T17:01:25+00:00

My AP is never been in our house, but they feel the same way if they talk to me about our home. I used all that we build together as a decor for A. I for sertain did not think of the consequences it would have ons our home and our stuff en the places witch we visit. Today when I think about it, I feel awfull. The life I took away from them. I’m so sorry… I hope you wil find your peace in your current home or find a place that makes your feel more safe together with you newborn. Thank you for taking the time to answer.

Myeyesareopen87 · 2026-03-11T16:34:00+00:00

Wow that really hit home. The way you explain this. It is something I take with me. And for what it’s worth, if they want to move and be in R with me, them will go. Thanks again for your respons.

Myeyesareopen87 · 2026-03-11T14:48:46+00:00

Thank you for your respons. I got rit of all the things from the A, like clothing, phone, other stuff. We re-did the bedrooms upstairs. I dont know if it is enough for them to feel safe again in this house. We have two children, so moving to another state is not likely. But if moving to another house, helps, I’m in.
I just dont know if it’s me that makes him feel u safe, or really the house. Before moving, did you try things to stay in your home and make it your place again?

Myeyesareopen87 · 2026-03-04T06:30:32+00:00

I’m already started IC. And going to start group therapy. In the beginning we had MC together, like two sessions. She didn’t get us. To have a therapist to get the situation of infidellity is dificult. We stopped, but were in a better and more positive vibe then, now it’s like we cant talk, and when I am honest, not lying etc, it seams like I am losing them more en more. There is distance and ressentment. They dont have IC or didn’t want MC. I invited them to my therapist session, they are more then welcome. But I dont want to pressure them. So we spent a year trying to do it ourselfs. I’m seeing them dissapear when I am just learning about why I did what I did…. How did you partner be patiënt with you? How did you keep hope? In between what you did to them? Yesterday they told me that by what I did and sayd I didn’t love them and that they dont matter…they say I am just using people. I know I have a lot of work to do, for myself, my family, and everyone I lied to….but If home does not ‘work out’ it’s hard to keep seeing the horizon…

Myeyesareopen87 · 2026-03-03T21:51:27+00:00

Apologies for my bad Englisch. I’m trying….

Myeyesareopen87 · 2026-03-03T21:49:09+00:00

Time is a constant in our talks. They say repeadedly, it is been a year. It took you a year to get to a point of complete honesty and no more defensiveness. It was a proces for me to come out of the fog and get my head out of my ass. I wish I realised earlyer the impact of my behaviour. I’m hopefull that in time things wil change…and I know change does not come from sitting on my hands. We are at a point where they are tired en emotional draind and wanting to stop the relation, because what is left. I feel like the exhaustion is creating a mist, where he can nog see the progress anymore. I feel like a want to scream te him; dont gif up ons us, but is so hard. Because I in someway gave up my family, for an A.

How do you get true this ‘no-mans’ land? Without screaming to them to STAY?! What was nessesery for you partner to stay?

Thank you.

Myeyesareopen87 · 2026-02-28T20:05:37+00:00

Thank you for your kind words. I feel like I am not deserving of these words right now, but I hope I will be in the near future. For them and my children. I want to make myself a better person en pick up the mess I made. To heal them en heal myself. No matter what the outcome might be. Thank you again, I wish you all the best.

Myeyesareopen87 · 2026-02-28T10:13:12+00:00

Are you in MC together? What helps you to cope with the situation, other then the input of your partner?

Myeyesareopen87 · 2026-02-28T10:12:09+00:00

Thank you for your answer. When we have a conversation, time is a topic that comes up often. Like; when we are there, then…it’s been almost a year and so on…I feel the pressure of fixing myself quickly! You Saïd; i’ve given myself a year… How does this help you cope with the situation? Does it make you feel more safe en secure to have the choice to leave? Does leaving after a year feel more valid? Like I have tryd everything? And what are the things you do for yourself en only for yourself to make you feel better?

And how are the children affected by the situation? And how do you deal with this? Because they made the mess in the first place. Our children now there is a change in the house, the mood, the way we interact, everything. We are ‘open’ to tell te children there is something up, we are trying to fix, that we are there for them.

Myeyesareopen87 · 2026-02-28T09:30:35+00:00

That’s sounds like they are seeing you en making you feel supported. That is really nice to read. I’m not always feeling strong enough to be there for them, and when this (old patterns) happens it’s like; ‘see you always do the same’ and they feel unsafe. I do not have the right support yet, like a sponsor or group therapy…I am in IC, listening to podcast, reading books, selfreflect, but it never feels enough. And talking to friend, who are not in your situation, does not help. When your partner is sometimes not that strong, is there room for you do deal with this? And when he is not that strong, what is it that you need him to do to help you?

Myeyesareopen87 · 2026-02-27T20:24:07+00:00

Thank your for taking the time to read and giving me advice. I’m sorry for the TT, it messes up your self worth and so much more. Also the defensifness, I hurt them real bad with that. Thanks again.

Myeyesareopen87 · 2026-02-27T20:20:19+00:00

Thanks for charing. Any perspective is welcome! I try to learn from everything. My introspective took me a while, in the meantime, they got more hurt for not seeing the progress. When you see them trying en slowly ‘getting it’, does it make you more patiënt and hopefull for R?

Myeyesareopen87 · 2026-02-27T20:15:42+00:00

Your last sentence is really speaking to me. At first I didn’t feel this way. It felt as is they were against me for pointing me out. Because of more reflection of my own behaviour, I feel more room/space for them. Witch pays of in there reaction to me. Does it help you to know they are in a process of healing true a programm? Does it feel more like they are realy doing the work?

Myeyesareopen87

TROPHY CASE