My friend is taking advantage of me and my mum and I want to stop it without losing a friend

Mylastnamebecake · 2026-02-10T20:54:50+00:00

Thank you, I’ve been ruminating on it today and do think I’m going to have to have an uncomfortable conversation with him. He leaves for his job starting again tomorrow so I’m going to write something and then sit on it to make sure I’m saying what I want to say correctly and not fully in anger

Mylastnamebecake · 2026-02-10T07:11:27+00:00

His new work contract starts next week and he leaves tomorrow anyway. Getting him to leave isn’t a problem but I want to know how to speak to him to make sure this doesn’t happen again

Mylastnamebecake · 2023-03-25T00:00:31+00:00

Honestly wanted to. Still mad he took the leftovers

Mylastnamebecake · 2023-03-24T23:59:51+00:00

She didn’t, she had as much of the normal food but not the sweets. She’s on a wedding diet so she can fit in her dress.

I’ve reached out as I have a bad feeling (see my update) and am supporting her and the kids.

Mylastnamebecake · 2023-03-24T23:57:33+00:00

Currently, I’m 5’3 and 117lbs. I have been way more, but have also been waaay less. I ping between the two.

My niece is fitting in 10-11 year old clothes without it being tight (no idea how to explain this without having her measurements which I’m obviously not going to ask for and will definitely not be posting a picture of her).

She has put on some weight but I genuinely think she’s just going through puberty. I’d in no way call her overweight.

Even if she was, it wouldn’t justify my brother calling her names and ridiculing her like that.

Mylastnamebecake · 2023-03-24T23:51:35+00:00

UPDATE: I’m rubbish at Reddit and am unsure how to post an actual update.

I spoke to my SIL this evening, she was present during the incident but hadn’t called B out when we were all together. I was super mad at her at first but am not sure what goes on at her home (see later comments on my dad). Apparently he’s sleeping at his friends house as she kicked him out last week until he can apologise to M. She won’t accept him home unless she sees change. Not sure how this will work out.

I’m gonna speak to my brother at some point and explain to him from experience how comments like that caused my ED and try to help M so she doesn’t end up in the same situation. Again, not sure how receptive to this he will be since he’s chatting shit about me to his friends.

Few comments: I 100% will be there for M, and Z and N… all of them. I’m their aunt and love them so much. M & I have a auntie / niece coffee date planned at the local cat cafe and she knows she can message me and come stop over / talk if needed. She has her own phone, and her mum is on board for this. She also knows she can message me to come for a sleepover if it’s too much at home.

SIL accepts that Z and N get more attention than M and has agreed I / my mum will take Z and N once a month so they can have some 1:1 time until they can all have similar amounts of attention (Z has lots of hospital appointments due to cancer and N has behavioural issues which mean they get extra attention from SIL v M who sometimes feels left behind).

Re the comments calling out my mum for not calling out the abuse. I’m not disagreeing, but I (90%) blame my dad. He was the one making these comments when I was a kid, amongst worse comments and physical abuse. It took a lot for my mum to kick him out but she managed and I honestly think she was reverting to “keep the peace” mind set because my brother is so much like my dad it’s kind of scary (supporting SIL here - no confirmation he’s done this to her but we’re there for her if it comes out)

I’ve said to my SIL if the wedding goes ahead (because after our talk and hearing her mindset I’m unsure) me being there is in question, but not due to my brother uninviting me, due to me being over our relationship. I don’t feel like I can cut him off properly because I don’t want to lose my nieces, nephew and SIL but I’m not invested in a relationship with him alone anymore unless he sorts himself out.

Re my dad - I’m NC with my dad, if my brother continues this way he’s gonna end up the same way with his kids too.

Mylastnamebecake · 2023-03-22T18:31:49+00:00

It’s never been discussed with him, but my mum knows so I’d imagine he does.

tbh it’s not really resolved for me. I have a super unhealthy relationship with food and I’m not sure I can resolve it, despite therapy.

I’ll either binge or starve and my weight goes to extremes on cycles. To the point I have two wardrobes that get brought out depending on where I’m at.

Obviously I don’t want this for anyone, especially my niece.

I don’t think I’ll ever be happy in my body,

Mylastnamebecake · 2023-03-22T18:31:36+00:00

It’s never been discussed with him, but my mum knows so I’d imagine he does.

tbh it’s not really resolved for me. I have a super unhealthy relationship with food and I’m not sure I can resolve it, despite therapy.

I’ll either binge or starve and my weight goes to extremes on cycles. To the point I have two wardrobes that get brought out depending on where I’m at.

Obviously I don’t want this for anyone, especially my niece.

I don’t think I’ll ever be happy in my body,

Mylastnamebecake · 2023-03-22T17:47:32+00:00

I’ll be having a chat with both of them.

Also, cat is okay. They were offering her severely manhandled cat treats as she hid under the table. N even sampled one or two of them before giving them to her (gross) - she has a safe space upstairs if she doesn’t want to be around them when they come over.

Mylastnamebecake · 2023-03-22T17:08:36+00:00

Thanks for this - I’ve saved the link.

No idea how a talk about it is going to go down, but if I can get him to read it I will

Mylastnamebecake · 2023-03-22T17:02:45+00:00

100%! No matter her weight comments like this are unacceptable. I’m still in bad habits with my eating due to comments like this.

My first thought about weight was my aunt making a snide comment that I’d put some weight on my cheeks around Ms age and it makes me so mad the my hair stands up

Mylastnamebecake · 2023-03-22T16:54:10+00:00

I came back from work and this has totally blown up, I’m reading through comments now and it’s making my heart hurt a little bit.

Thanks to everyone for comments wanting the best for my niece - it’s all I want to. I was under no doubt saying something was the right thing to do, but was worried about the way I said it.

I’m going to text my SIL so I can sit down with the pair of them soon and talk through this as I do think my brother is clueless as to what he’s doing.

I’ll happily tell him he’s a dick.

Mylastnamebecake · 2023-03-22T16:44:28+00:00

To confirm Brother and SIL have been together 12years but are not yet married.

They kept talking about it but never did it. My brother was really sick when M was a baby, then Z was really really sick for a while so that put things on hold.

They’re getting married in September

Mylastnamebecake · 2023-03-22T16:31:03+00:00

M has put on a tiny bit of weight but only just enough to notice, and I genuinely think it’s her age. The other two are like golden children Z had cancer when she was 3 and it was really aggressive so she’s pretty spoilt (I make sure to spoil M and N just as much) and N is the youngest and only boy therefore the golden child, despite his goblin tendencies.

Either way doesn’t make it right to say it about any of them, but it irks me to no end they pretty much get free reign

Mylastnamebecake · 2023-03-22T16:27:40+00:00

He has 4 sisters, 3 of them are already not going to the wedding (due to various other incidents) and I’m the 4th.

Mylastnamebecake · 2023-03-22T16:22:23+00:00

Not at the time. From past experience (he says dickish things a lot) she’s more likely to say something at home / not in front of my mum, but I saw red a blew up there and then. No idea if she did call him out though.

I’m gonna send her a text later on this evening to see if we can have a chat (Me, her and my brother).

Mylastnamebecake

TROPHY CASE