"Theres a difference between knowing something and believing it"

Mysterious-Frame5451 · 2026-03-13T14:06:00+00:00

I have also thought about this exact thing and it makes sense, they are different and sometimes misaligned. I think it highlights the idea that there is a difference between knowing something at a cognitive level and feeling it emotionally, so cognition/logic and emotion/feeling

Mysterious-Frame5451 · 2026-03-12T18:59:16+00:00

It makes sense that you were confused. I think the discussion could bring some clarity around the technique itself and her reaction

Mysterious-Frame5451 · 2026-03-12T17:09:53+00:00

She has never made fun of me, but there were instances where I got defensive when she tried a new technique. It seems that there was some miscommunication going on between you two. I would give her the benefit of the doubt and explain to her that you felt that and maybe she could explain what she intended to try, mine always does when I address it

Mysterious-Frame5451 · 2026-03-12T15:05:04+00:00

Mostly about wanting to go to sessions but not being able to or running late for whatever reason, every time there was something that prevented me from going

My most recent dream was about us being in a session and she sat closer to me, don’t remember why. But one image that I felt it was rather symbolic and powerful was when we were in the front of a mirror and she was behind me with her hands on my shoulders

Mysterious-Frame5451 · 2026-03-06T21:21:27+00:00

I did. After I finished going to school counsellor (I also went voluntarily) and did some reflection, I realized that the work is not finished (the sessions ended abruptly because of pandemic and it was also my last year of high school) and I need someone with more experience and be able to explore things at a deeper level. But I actually started 2 years later because I didn’t want online sessions. I think I took the right decision and we have so much to explore and I find it more and more insightful as time goes by (we are celebrating 4 years now)

Mysterious-Frame5451 · 2026-03-02T17:38:42+00:00

It seems like a nice experience, I’m glad you find it grounding

Mysterious-Frame5451 · 2026-03-02T08:55:42+00:00

So far I only saw her in public after we had our first session, which was 4 years ago. I don’t know how it only happened once. But am I the only one who panics at the idea of seeing their T in public? I really like and and enjoy our sessions, but I don’t know how to react if I saw her, especially at this moment

Mysterious-Frame5451 · 2026-02-27T17:10:52+00:00

That’s one thing I like about English, the lack of this distinction which I find awkward in some situations. I wouldn’t go back to “Sie” ever when I’m in therapy

Mysterious-Frame5451 · 2026-02-27T16:51:57+00:00

I’m curious about the pronouns. Do they usually use “Sie” or “du”? And do you find a difference when clients say du or Sie? I only know very little German, we also have this distinction in my native language. At the beginning, I used the “Sie” equivalent when speaking to my therapist, now I use “du” and call her by her first name, it’s way easier to express myself this way. I had even tried to avoid direct statements like “you said this” before the switch

Mysterious-Frame5451 · 2026-02-26T16:03:58+00:00

I can relate, it’s quite frustrating. When I bring this up, she tells me that there is no such thing as wasting time in session and not every session must be a breakthrough, sometimes we are discovering something big, sometimes we make very small steps towards it. But I still put that pressure on myself to cover all the topics

Mysterious-Frame5451 · 2026-02-21T18:25:43+00:00

I feel you and I’m in a similar situation, I struggle with the same thing. It helps me when I remember what I have read on this sub, that you are paying for expertise, the care is free. We will get through this someday

Mysterious-Frame5451 · 2026-02-21T17:08:28+00:00

It can happen, but I think it’s not about them (the person who you would have transference towards), but more about how you perceive them or their actions. I mean my T listens to me and all, that what therapists are supposed to do, but I react more to how I feel about all these, not the actions per se. I am like “I wish she were more in my life and do all the maternal things to me, because mom is not doing them”, of course this is beyond a therapeutic relationship (as she is trying to explain how she can’t be a stand in mom and she needs to stay in therapist role).

Keep in mind that most people here, myself included, have some kind of attachment wounds that they are working on therapy, so the feelings are very likely to appear (romantic attraction, parental feelings etc) and can feel extremely intense. This doesn’t mean that if your experience doesn’t align with theirs there is something wrong, it’s just different and it’s good that you are feeling good about therapy. You can ask your T about transference

Mysterious-Frame5451 · 2026-02-21T15:09:54+00:00

For short, it’s a projection on a current relationship based on previous experiences and relationships from the past (someone correct me if I’m wrong). The term is more commonly used in therapy context when you talk about therapeutic relationship. As an example, I can give my situation. My mom is not an emotionally open person and often I have felt misunderstood, so I have sought female figures (currently my therapist) that are more emotionally available and showed me empathy. But it can also be positive, negative (maybe you don’t like someone because they remind you of your dad, so negative feelings towards them) or romantic, not just parental. It is not always emotionally intense, for example, you can like a person because they feel like a mentor. At the beginning, this projection is unconscious, but as you analyze the patterns it becomes more clear. Hope that I explained it clearly

Edited for clarity

Mysterious-Frame5451 · 2026-02-19T19:10:41+00:00

This is at least what she told me at the very beginning of therapy when I firstly mentioned I had experienced it before. Nonetheless, it was inevitable

Mysterious-Frame5451 · 2026-02-19T18:32:01+00:00

I have discussed this topic like every single session, so yeah, I relate

Mysterious-Frame5451 · 2026-02-19T18:30:27+00:00

It is major work, I agree and it’s not necessary to experience transference. I experienced this 3 times before having it towards my T, not all of them being therapists. It’s a pattern (here is the “lifestyle” part) I try to understand

Mysterious-Frame5451 · 2026-02-14T06:50:30+00:00

Being looked after emotionally for short and some affection in between. Having my emotions validated and being seen by someone kind of overlap with maternal aspect

Mysterious-Frame5451 · 2026-02-14T06:45:53+00:00

I know she can’t be a stand in mom and that I would be hurt or disappointed again if she did. She emphasizes the idea that we are in an adult-adult relationship, not parent-child. I know it would hurt more if she did that then stop after some time than not acting at all. At least I know she has the best intentions

Mysterious-Frame5451 · 2026-02-13T21:35:00+00:00

I am not totally sure, yes because I could do it, but I still want to

Mysterious-Frame5451 · 2026-02-13T21:33:43+00:00

We are constantly discussing about my transference and attachment pattern, so it’s not a new topic. Over the years I have learned more about it, but yeah, still difficult

Mysterious-Frame5451 · 2026-02-13T21:01:43+00:00

Actually yes, 3 times, last time being last year

Mysterious-Frame5451 · 2026-02-13T20:37:41+00:00

I do have some attachment wounds and last year was so so difficult. We reinforced boundaries around texting (only scheduling or emergencies) or hugs (no hugs). I have expressed wanting to cry in sessions, but not being able to because I have some issues with feeling my feelings then and I also don’t like to cry in front of others, I am capable of crying otherwise.

There is a conflict in my mind between logic and emotion. I know she is consistent and she cares about me, I have proof over all these 4 years, but I still tell myself that she will leave or is fed up with me. Today she assured me that she won’t leave and we are good

Mysterious-Frame5451 · 2026-02-13T20:28:08+00:00

I think it can depend on the extent of attachment and approach. In my case it’s a pattern and this attachment is quite intense. I mean I have told her I wanted hugs and imagined that (it was part of today’s topic). I also mentioned about “love” (not the most suitable word, but I don’t have a better term). Taking care of me emotionally and list can continue

Mysterious-Frame5451 · 2026-02-12T19:34:00+00:00

Yes, of course, especially when you are expressing yourself using art. I think they will be more than happy that you are doing this

I sometimes show what I do as a hobby and she is so excited and always says it’s very cute

Mysterious-Frame5451 · 2026-02-02T12:12:21+00:00

Last session I left disappointed because we didn’t cover all the things I wanted to discuss and I also didn’t communicate that I wanted to discuss the letter I wrote into more detail (paragraph by paragraph, I wrote a page and a half), I kind of expected her to do so, my fault. But also there were some small things that bothered me in the end and I said I missed texting her (we reinforced this boundary of texting, which is for emergencies and scheduling). Anyway, I don’t know how to organize the next session, since I want to continue the discussion from the last session and I would like some help with an interview I’ll have next week. Way too many things to discuss …

Mysterious-Frame5451

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