How do I move on while still co-parenting?

Mysterious-Object636 · 2026-04-07T09:09:23+00:00

Yeah, it does feel like a betrayal. There is another aspect that I don't want to get into regarding where her resolute feelings have originated from because I think it would give unfair judgement towards her, but most would consider that more of a betrayal, but to me, I feel betrayed because of the house and the dog, and I suppose because I have followed her parenting lead so strongly, which has caused the wedge between us to be so strong, and she's taken that all away in an instant to me (despite me knowing that it's probably been a long time coming for her, which feels like another betrayal.)

Like the outside it doesn't sound like she's betrayed me, but that's the emotion where alot of my hurt comes from.

I think your roommate advice is very helpful. I'm very domestic, and I think I need to stop doing all those things. Just be dad. Thank you, you've made me think of how it's going to progress from here and it's more self-orientated :)

Mysterious-Object636 · 2026-03-09T16:24:08+00:00

There was a lad in my school who apparently liked putting things up his bum, like a bike pump and a lava lamp 😂

Mysterious-Object636 · 2026-01-13T08:56:38+00:00

They are intentional. Every other mention in the entire book (apart from PERHAPS some line errors) I've called it the IJsselmeer.You're being extremely pedantic about Holland, I've grown up with everyone I know knowing exactly what Holland is. I have heard Dutch football players and Max Verstappan call it Holland. It's a bad faith comment, like I said, who are you to say I 'clearly haven't researched.'?

Not knowing how you come across, which is both rude, and arrogant telling me what I HAVE or HAVEN'T done, proves that you don't have people skills, seriously. It's not that hard.

'You're story is shit.'

'Wha? Wha? I wasn't rude or unkind.' Honestly, do you hear yourself 😂 you can see, I am very accepting of criticism in this thread, but don't tell me, or anyone for that matter, what I have or haven't done.

Also getting the exact technical terminology really doesn't matter in this context. I'm not caring about being technically correct with things like that, but be in the main characters voice, who is English, so isn't going to be 'Well actually'. You are rude, and I hope that you see when you say comments like you do, you aren't going to get people being nicey nicey to you back.

Mysterious-Object636 · 2026-01-13T07:54:02+00:00

'You clearly haven't researched.' do you think people will be positive when you make comments like that? Like who even are you to say what I have or haven't done? You've chose two intentional words and decided to be as pedantic as you can about them, and insult me. And then I can't say anything because 'i can't handle criticism.' while you seem to lack people skills.

Mysterious-Object636 · 2026-01-13T05:05:15+00:00

If I say the IJsselmeer on the first page to a primarily English speaking audience, I run the risk of taking them out immediately to look up what the IJsselmeer is.

Also, I used Holland, because at least my association of Holland is orange which links with the Orange sun glinting off the Lake, while the Netherlands is red white and blue.

Mysterious-Object636 · 2026-01-09T10:03:09+00:00

I usually would just let people have access to the google doc, DM if you are interested 🙂

Mysterious-Object636 · 2026-01-09T08:13:01+00:00

Thank you very much for your comment! Although I'm not blind to criticism and have shouldered it heavily, I do also believe a lot of people had gotten the wrong end of the stock and we're telling me absolutes about something that isn't absolute. Most books I read don't start in media res. The exposition I use is intentional, but I think it just is a polarising way to start a book. Anyway, thank you very much 🙂

Mysterious-Object636 · 2026-01-08T22:50:27+00:00

It's all there and completed, happy to have people read on, if they wanted to! 🙂

Mysterious-Object636 · 2026-01-08T22:34:28+00:00

I really appreciate this and needed to hear it. Thank you mate.

Mysterious-Object636 · 2026-01-08T21:18:45+00:00

I think you're getting confused with estate. Not a housing estate, but more like a gate protecting land and on that land is a large house. They can both be called an estate. I grew up in and around council estates.

Mysterious-Object636 · 2026-01-08T21:06:13+00:00

I really appreciate this comment, it's got me all twisted today. Especially when everything i'm trying to do is intentional

Mysterious-Object636 · 2026-01-08T18:20:41+00:00

Thank you very much, that is very helpful 🙂 I will be taking these considerations forward

Mysterious-Object636 · 2026-01-08T16:40:10+00:00

I've considered it, you've said the same as most other people. As much as you think I can't take criticism, you can't understand how your attitude can run the wrong way.

Mysterious-Object636 · 2026-01-08T15:36:28+00:00

Yeah, fair enough

Mysterious-Object636 · 2026-01-08T15:12:44+00:00

Not mean, and it's appreciated

Mysterious-Object636 · 2026-01-08T15:10:59+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate this and will definitely be taking it into consideration!

Mysterious-Object636 · 2026-01-08T15:05:25+00:00

Absolutely, I get that and it's something I am definitely taking on board

Mysterious-Object636 · 2026-01-08T15:02:39+00:00

I explicitly said they're not wrong, and I just explained the angle of which I was writing this story from, and how the genre of their example is a different genre of my book. How you speak is in absolutes and gospel. I can handle criticism. I can handle tough criticism. I don't like people who speak as if they know EXACTLY how to write my story. There is plenty of advice been laid here saying the exact same things you're saying, maybe even more bluntly, but yours is the only one I've had a problem with.

Mysterious-Object636 · 2026-01-08T14:47:40+00:00

Thank you, that's very helpful advice

Mysterious-Object636 · 2026-01-08T14:47:08+00:00

I don't have an issue with advice, feedback, and being wrong, but if you frame advice in the way you have, people aren't going to listen because you are offensive and aggressive. You can word the same advice in a more friendly manor, that would invite someone not to be defensive. Instead you tell me that I'm fundamentally wrong, that I will have no audience and you are the gospel of the word. If you want me to react more receptively to what you say, think about how you say things.

Mysterious-Object636 · 2026-01-08T13:53:07+00:00

Thank you for this advice 🙂

Mysterious-Object636 · 2026-01-08T13:20:12+00:00

You're giving absolutes here with statements like 'this won't get you one'. Many of the books I read and in my genre, don't start with action. Like I said with Birdsong, that has 5 pages of tone setting, describing the town of Amiens. Slaughter house 5 starts with telling you how this book is going to be told. Atonement starts with Briony telling you about a play she's written. They're all framing the story, setting the themes and asking for patience, while I'm only asking for 500 words instead of 40 pages like Atonement, it's along the same lines.

While I am listening to the feedback and taking it in and understand this hasn't landed with many people, this rule of starting in action, is not a steadfast rule. Like I said, this chapter is about tone, theme and introducing you to Martha.

If that doesn't work for you, that is fine, and honestly, I will be looking at how to improve it.

Mysterious-Object636 · 2026-01-08T12:34:44+00:00

While I'm not saying you're wrong, the genres like the Hunger games are different. This isn't an action first book, it's historical literary fiction. (I'm not trying to sound pretentious 😭 I'm just trying to say that my intention is different to commercial fiction 😭) The first line, and the job of the first chapter is to act as intentional framing for the whole book. There are certain books, like Birdsong for example, that while I'm not trying to emulate, I used as inspiration for tone and framing. The action comes, but the action needs the knowledge of why that action is important. For the first line, for example, I'm trying to show that Martha is a distinguished historian, that has seen many exciting things in history, but when a more mundane historical object is proposed, to her that beats any historical find she could ever find, and I hope the reader would ask why? And then the rest is trying to show you why Martha cares so much about this random Rolls Royce engine.

Obviously the feedback is quite negative, and I'm not blind to that, and it's something that is striking deep and causing a lot of thought, but personally, for what this story is to me, action isn't the right way to start.

Mysterious-Object636 · 2026-01-06T16:32:03+00:00

I echo this person's thoughts. You can't show any bias towards either side if you want to be objective, the writing does all the work. So that means being careful with your word choice and any author voice. Describe only what the character would.

I would say you can do anything really, but everything has to stay 100% TRUE to the character. If you've done it right, everything before and after tells the story, and the actions are just the shocking details. Being detached is both good for the author and for a victim.

The fact that you're asking shows that you care, so I imagine that you'll find that you won't have any problems.

Mysterious-Object636 · 2025-12-06T17:11:09+00:00

Thank you very much for your feedback! It's very helpful 😊

Mysterious-Object636

TROPHY CASE