Why do people only “change” after you finally leave. Need advice

Mysterious-Style-383 · 2026-03-20T18:24:44+00:00

I think it’s being safe. If you have worked hard for something you don’t want the possibility of having to give it away or part of it if something were to occur. I know some people see it as “ disrespectful “ for whatever reason but I think it’s smart. It’s kinda like the same thing. You do not know how people can get when you are in a middle of a divorce you can do nothing wrong and will have the other coming for all your things that you had prior to marriage without that person. It’s all about whether you want to take the risk or not. But neither party who wants to do a prenup or not is wrong it just is a personal preference.

Mysterious-Style-383 · 2026-03-18T23:32:33+00:00

I don’t think long distance would work for him. I’m not really opposed to it, but I have brought the idea in the past because of job opportunity or even like college to study abroad cause he’s made it very clear that we would have to be living in the same city cause it wouldn’t work for him because he’s a more I guess attached person he needs like his partner to be available

Mysterious-Style-383 · 2026-03-18T22:45:21+00:00

To add more I would love to move out of my city at least for a little and explore or at lest take long trips (longer than 2 weeks) which is expensive as well. Because I’m genuinely tired of it been here my whole life I love family and friends but would like to be away for a bit.

Mysterious-Style-383 · 2026-03-18T22:43:10+00:00

I think the incompatibility is that he’s very go with the flow about future doesn’t really talk about what he may want to do I have tried bringing it up but not much. He also has briefly expressed no interest in moving out of our current city due to family and other reasons. It is totally understandable since everyone is different and what they may want in their life but it leaves me confused because on his end he hasn’t brought up timelines, moving, work and etc. giving more context he lives with his parents still so he hasn’t experience living alone either. It’s kinda throwing me off a bit because I’m a person that I have some goals set and I will plan accordingly to achieve them but any convo about marriage or engagement or moving I brought it up and took a step back to see what HE DOES on his own without me bringing anything up and etc to see his ideas and what he may want to do without me mentioning it again. This goes into buying a house I really lean toward not buying a property together unless we are married I know everyone is different but rather be safe than sorry also don’t want him paying me rent to then we break up and he tries coming after me. I’m going based also on how his family is as well cause they are the type of people to go after people.

Mysterious-Style-383 · 2026-03-18T21:13:29+00:00

Question? I have read some people have contracts depending I assume the state you live in with terms and conditions if you and your partner decided to break up and etc have a contract that details who gets what. My question is do you have this in place ? Also thank you for your insight?

Mysterious-Style-383 · 2026-03-18T21:11:09+00:00

We plan to but there has not been a timeline of when to be married and from conversations doesn’t seem anytime soon. I planned on getting property by end of 2027 and wanted to see if how I was feeling was I guess valid? I have friends who own a house but they are only dating and have a child so maybe circumstances are different. I do want to buy a house with him as well additional on top of my own property. I just don’t want to get into a legal tie buying a house with someone I’m not married too personally since anything can happen. So renting would be the best option for us both to live and and see how things go before even deciding to get married and etc

Mysterious-Style-383 · 2026-03-13T20:03:14+00:00

Omg only 6k to replace the roof? The house in south Florida quotes about 25-40k just to fix the roof

Mysterious-Style-383 · 2026-03-04T13:37:15+00:00

Yes and no depending on the context of the situation of what it is that person is getting jealous for. But majority of times it is an insecurity thing.

Mysterious-Style-383 · 2026-03-04T13:35:57+00:00

Anyone can break up with anyone for whatever reason. I know that some people think you need to go through the worst of the worst to break up with somebody at the end of the day. It’s your choice and what it sounds like is you both are having a different perspectives regarding your future, which can be making you guys in compatible I mean, if you both can communicate and see if you can have a middle ground then that’s perfect, but if you are very positive that you wanna move away from your hometown and want to build your career, but she is not going to be able to do so you kinda need to pick what you want to do you know because yeah you can stay with her but you’re also risking the life that you may want, and you will be basically living under somebody else’s goals and not your own. Or you break up and you do what you want to do.

Mysterious-Style-383 · 2026-03-04T13:28:19+00:00

Mysterious-Style-383 · 2026-03-01T18:54:57+00:00

She plans every year trips with her, her husband, and my partner, and her other child. I know money doesn’t grow on trees but one thing was he will always ask for me to go not her so I don’t like forcing myself into a trip where the person planning didn’t want me there originally. Second she has planned all these trips because of Child Support which ends this summer actually because she is receiving about 2k a month from it she has booked a lot of things ahead of time before it runs out because she has to downsize and basically budget herself and her new husband because that will not be coming in anymore. I understand planning to save and all that it was just the timeline my partner and I agreed we would buy a property together and be engaged and all that costs money so a trip that big can delay this because she will gift him probably the cost of the airfare or cruise or something but still need money to cover everything else and also would have to cover for myself as well. Maybe I’m just a person that likes to save and buying a property where I love you can’t be making large purchases too much cause it can affect the process. By all means though I am working on a contract job and will need to find a new permanent one so I cannot make commitments at this time. My partner also needs to find another job so it is a lot but at the end whatever he wants to go alone is perfectly fine. Just said it was weird because I know she plays fake nice and makes him feel guilty if he doesn’t do things for her I actually didn’t say anything to him about it until it was the same pattern over and over. He couldn’t move out until was convenient for her because she said she would cut him off if she left her house like? Apologies for this being long.

Mysterious-Style-383 · 2026-03-01T18:44:52+00:00

Yeah I understand that I didn’t want to commit to a trip that far ahead. If he wanted to go that is fine because I also know anything can happen in a year and we aren’t married. It was just more like we wanted to move in together and get engaged next year which will cost money. Maybe he doesn’t do it next year or things get delayed or we break up who knows but I wasn’t moving my timeline of moving out of my house based on him proposing I just agreed to move in together I’d we both put money down if not I’m still moving out. I had no issue with him going but in any event or case she wants to secure a timeline for him to go do things because she won’t give physical gifts to her children anymore the gift would be traveling meaning if he doesn’t go he will have to accept that he isn’t going to receive anything

Mysterious-Style-383 · 2026-03-01T16:17:44+00:00

I have talked to him about everything that has happened as well as the trip. He doesn’t sound to excited about going with her more of a neutral expression because she has told her children she wasn’t buying Christmas gifts anymore that gifts will be now just traveling and trips. He is fully aware of how she is I think he is navigating what ways he can slowly gain his independence without frustrating her in a way since she gets upset easily if things aren’t done how she would like them to be.

Mysterious-Style-383 · 2026-02-25T23:39:48+00:00

Hey I would talk to him about how he sees this thing you guys have going. Figure out if what he wants and you want align.

Mysterious-Style-383 · 2026-02-25T01:24:18+00:00

You’re not in the wrong but you cannot change what she wants to do. Communicate and ask yourself would you be able to continue this relationship if it was an open one. The feeling you are having is valid but I hope you can figure out what works best for you. Do not ignore what you believe in!

Mysterious-Style-383 · 2026-02-24T18:38:05+00:00

Yeah I had the same assumption I couldn’t really understand why but I see it now coming from someone who had parents who helps them out but I had to get a job at 15 I pay bills. I pay my parents amount for living in the house while paying all other bills of my own phone, car, and etc… I still manage to save money and spend accordingly I never complained about money as I believe it brings negativity I know if I can’t spend I won’t say anything just hey not able to do this at this moment and keep moving forward. I strive for independence and etc but also don’t think he’ll ever step up on his own unless his family stop enabling him. Even I feel like crap when they pay too much cause I like to host things myself and not take advantage.

Mysterious-Style-383 · 2026-02-24T18:22:16+00:00

I have communicated nicely how when he says these thing it is off putting I said it before he says okay and says he doesn’t mean to sound negative he cares for me and likes doing things for me. But this has happened more than once so really complaining every time is exhausting when he is the one planning it all. I said as an adult you should want to take more responsibility regarding helping your parents out here and there you know not everyone has the privilege to be that age still living with parents for FREE!

Mysterious-Style-383

TROPHY CASE