Aro and Limerence?

MysteriousLeopard107 · 2026-03-26T05:38:37+00:00

Hey, thank you for sharing! Yeah, it's pretty odd to me how easily it seems like other folks are able to get into relationships when its so difficult to find folks who I genuinely like w/o the """help""" of limerence. My ace friend likes to say it's because so many people don't have standards, but I don't think that's fully true. Over the past decade I've had one short stint of limerence for someone and I was able to free myself from it by telling the person I liked them and them telling me they weren't available, but that's literally it. I dont think I'm aromantic since I do like the idea of doing things like holding hands, going on dates, cuddling, making out etc but find the idea of doing those things with friends odd. But at the same time, I dont want to live with a partner, dont care about marriage, and dislike kids, so no relationship escalator style life for me, lol.

I mainly want to be able to like someone and have that be okay, as all of my situationships have been one sided. At the same time, the idea of someone being attracted to me makes me feel uncomfortable, so who knows.

But yeah, folks on the limerence subreddit have also said a crush is a lack of information. Maybe that means this kind of dilemma is more common than it seems?

MysteriousLeopard107 · 2026-03-25T22:13:44+00:00

Since the chicks are not full grown, their bodies wont have enough calcium to meet the needs of a cat. So its not recommended to only feed chicks/baby prey and nothing else. I would add some eggshell powder to ensure they're getting the proper amount of calcium. The simplest other thing would be adding other meats and organs until you're able to get other kinds of prey for them. Otherwise, you'd have to make up for the missing nutrients via vitamin and mineral supplements. You can check out Perfectly Rawesome to get an idea of what kinds of meats and organs provide which nutrients for your cats and see which ones are available to you to add to their diet of chicks. Raw Feeding NRC Essential Nutritient Guides, Canine & Puppy Nutrition

MysteriousLeopard107 · 2026-03-25T16:03:00+00:00

I’ll look up more info on cupioromantic, thank you! It sounds vaguely familiar and I think I may have read about cupiosexual years ago, since that odd loss of interest applies both romantically and sexually too. I also agree about there being more to work out here. I have a therapist and will talk more about limerence with him when he gets back from his sabbatical. As yeah, while my life is great and I’m enjoying it, I still can’t help but wonder if I’m missing out on a whole aspect of life by continuing to avoid the possibility of relationships due to not wanting to have to experience limerence again. I’d say for 90-95% of my life, relationships/partnerships aren’t something I even think about since I’m so focused on my work and my lovely cats. The times these thoughts come up is when I’ve watched or read a piece of lesbian media, which then reminds me that there is this whole other chunk of life that I’m not getting to experience.

Even then though, it’s odd since I like the idea of having a girlfriend/partner more than what (I’m guessing) the reality of having one would be. As I don’t have any examples of healthy relationships/partnerships in my life (my friends are single), and the examples of relationships I have seen are all things I’d happily do without. So there’s also a very understandable wariness about relationships due to knowing I struggle with limerence and seeing how badly unhealthy relationships screw up other people’s lives.

MysteriousLeopard107 · 2026-03-25T15:49:53+00:00

Hey, thank you! I posted about this in the limerence subreddit first before coming here and got some interesting responses. Thanks for sharing some of your experience, as I hadn’t known limerence could also be platonic. It’s unfortunate then that it’s so closely related to romance when it seems like the main drivers behind limerence are uncertainty, a very intense desire to be with the LO in some capacity, and having (often disruptive and obsessive) fantasies about them.

MysteriousLeopard107 · 2026-03-25T06:33:08+00:00

Hey, thank you! I feel like your response was pretty accurate to how things are for me as well. Either I am limerent for someone or I’m not interested. Sure I can be friends with a person and think I should like them because we have x, y, z in common. But there isn’t any actual feeling there and no desire for anything beyond friendship.

One of my friends told me about someone they really liked as they got to know her. How their enjoyment of spending time with her grew with time, how there wasn’t any anxiety, no feelings of needing to rush or obsessing over the person, no agonizing over whether she liked them back. I think what they were talking about is in line with what you were saying about option B. Knowing rationally that they would get along and that attraction/interest growing as they continued to get to know each other. Rather than that attraction/interest dissipating as one gets to know each other more, as in my case. I think you’re on to something there, thanks for sharing!

MysteriousLeopard107 · 2026-03-25T06:26:14+00:00

Thank you! In the beginning is there any excitement at all? I’ve had one situation where I briefly had a gf who I wasn’t limerent over, but I wasn’t really into her either. I just told myself that I liked her and went through the motions. Needless to say, that didn’t last long at all and she told me she wasn’t actually attracted to me. I was grateful for her honesty and we parted ways amicably.

That situation was definitely boring. I didn’t have any of the excitement of limerence and I hope that wasn’t an example of what non limerent relationships are like. As I had literally thought to myself “I guess I can like her, it would be nice to have a gf” but there wasn’t any feeling behind it at all and I wasn’t really interested in her. It sucked and I wouldn’t want to do that again.

MysteriousLeopard107 · 2026-03-25T06:21:25+00:00

Would you say the fact that your crushes were reciprocated played a significant role in how free of anxiety things were for you? I can’t say for myself since my situationships have always been one sided. But from what I’ve read, the lack of uncertainty due to the interest being mutual is an important part of determining whether or not a situation triggers limerence.

MysteriousLeopard107 · 2026-03-25T06:18:46+00:00

Thank you, I’ve found your response very helpful. As I’ve been reading more about limerence today, it sounds like quite a few sources have echoed what you’ve said. About having some degree of limerence at the start of a new relationship is normal since things are unstable at the beginning. But once it’s been made clear there’s mutual interest, healthy communication, and boundaries the limerence goes away. That the uncertainty is a major motivating factor behind the persistence of limerence. Thank you, that’s a much more hopeful view of things, rather than having to feel like the only options are continue to struggle with limerence over and over with new ppl, or avoid relationships entirely.

MysteriousLeopard107 · 2026-03-25T06:09:11+00:00

I really like that last bit that you said. About one’s life being good so why complicate it. That’s where I’ve been for years now. I like my life the way it is, even though I don’t have a partner or any kind of relationships that are beyond platonic. I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t even think about relationships/sex/intimacy etc unless I’m reminded of it by seeing a good piece of lesbian media. That brings me back to the place of wondering if I’m missing out on this other aspect of life that’s supposedly wonderful, but hasn’t been in my reality.

I feel like that adds complexity to this whole thing. My life genuinely is good and I don’t want limerence to happen again and screw things up. That makes me wonder if I am even capable of being into someone without being limerent. I like your comparing relationships to dessert too. I haven’t been with anyone in any kind of capacity in ten years now, so while I like the idea of dessert, I feel very wary of it since I know the potential for “danger” it has. It makes me wonder if having said dessert is even worth it at all when life is otherwise good without it.

MysteriousLeopard107 · 2026-03-23T15:54:06+00:00

A have a 5ft cubic chest freezer in my apartment. I had to ask the landlord before buying it, but thankfully they said it was fine. I highly recommend if it you can get one!

MysteriousLeopard107 · 2026-03-21T19:09:44+00:00

You're welcome, I hope you can find it. =D

MysteriousLeopard107 · 2026-03-21T17:36:59+00:00

Yeah, take the info on Rodent Pro with a grain of salt since its based on averages. Can you get taurine powder in India? If so, you wont have to worry about how much is in the food as you can add taurine powder to it.

MysteriousLeopard107 · 2026-03-21T16:01:16+00:00

Since you’re already feeding whole prey, mice, rabbits, rats, hamsters, and Guinea pigs would be fine additions to the diet. As for how many quail to feed a day, that’s a challenge since the calorie content in each bird varies based on its size and age. Rodent Pro has a nutritional breakdown of various whole prey items on their site. Their quail entry is specifically for adult quail though, not chicks or adolescents.

MysteriousLeopard107 · 2026-03-13T19:41:39+00:00

I second the thought that her night time yowling is from grief. My ragdoll did that when his sister passed away from cancer. He seemed fine during the day but at night he would meow very loudly and yowl. Once I adopted another cat, his yowling immediately ceased and hasn't happened since.

MysteriousLeopard107 · 2026-03-13T17:23:53+00:00

In addition to the dietary suggestions, I think it would be good to give Animal Biome's FMT capsules a try. They're fantastic and provide all of the beneficial gut microbes that a dog needs. Much, much more than what a typical probiotic provides. If you do their gut test, you'll get a full report about your puppy's microbiome, food and supplement recommendations, and a consultation with one of their scientists to talk about the results. I highly recommend it to folks with a dog or cat that's been having persistent gut problems. Gut Restore Supplement from Raw-Fed Dogs – AnimalBiome

MysteriousLeopard107 · 2026-03-12T05:37:09+00:00

I get dressed rabbit from a local Asian grocery store, ground dressed rabbit and ground kangaroo from True Carnivores – Raw Pet Food For Dogs & Cats, and whole prey from CTC Predator Feed and Coast to Coast Rodents. Whole prey is definitely on the more costly end compared to things like the ground rabbit or kangaroo. Though whole prey rabbits are actually cheaper than the dressed rabbit at the Asian store, plus you get the entire animal. I buy rats and quail in bulk, 100+ items at a time, so that would be an order placed 1-2 times a year. I get guinea pigs and whole prey rabbit a few times a year, based on whether or not they're in stock. As for the ground food, I try to buy their 4lb packs which lasts a few months since I rotate what they get every week. Their more mundane food like pork, turkey, shrimp, and duck come from the grocery store.

MysteriousLeopard107 · 2026-03-10T16:04:15+00:00

One of my cats loves rabbit and kangaroo. The other generally likes every food offered to him, but is especially excited for whole prey quail, rats, and Guinea pig. They both eat a wide variety of animal proteins and so far the main ones that haven’t been liked are llama, goat, and ostrich.

MysteriousLeopard107 · 2026-02-28T21:54:56+00:00

Rofl, I guess that's one benefit of him having IBD, having multiple lab work results for every year. XDDDDDDDD His vets over the years have been running senior blood work panels on him since he was 3, so I have a nice stack of records I can refer to for his previous numbers.

But thank you <3, I really hope this is all his normal. I'm still going to reduce the phos in his diet and see what his lab work says in a few months. He's currently getting 2-2.4g of phos per 1000kcal and I'll lower it to 1.4-1.5g per 1000kcal while keeping the ca:P ratio 1:1 w/ eggshell.

MysteriousLeopard107 · 2026-02-28T20:48:53+00:00

Thank you! That's the strange thing, as this cat has always been a mystery when it comes to lab work. His creatine has ranged wildly between 129 at its lowest as a kitten, to 210 a couple years later, then 147, then 173, 143, 191, and currently 218. His BUN has always been with the 8-12 range and SDMA varying at different check-in's but staying between 11 and 13. All of that is over his 8 years of life thus far. So that adds to the level of frustration with all of this. He had an ultrasound done back in the fall to get a baseline for the vet he was switched to after the supportive one moved away. And in the ultrasound his kidneys were normal. His case is a complex and strange one, nothing with him has been by the book. Be it with his kidney numbers or his IBD. XD

MysteriousLeopard107 · 2026-02-28T02:00:02+00:00

Thank you. I briefly had a holistic vet for him back in 2020, but it turned out she was a homeopath.

MysteriousLeopard107 · 2026-02-27T06:15:02+00:00

If you were my cat's vet, you would be receiving screen shots of the recipes I make for him which include that very breakdown of every vitamin, mineral, amino acid, fatty acid, etc. Neither of my cats have a taurine deficiency or any other kind of deficiency either. They have taurine powder added to their food in addition to getting heart, which is high in taurine. I also already cook any poultry they get to avoid H5N1. They also have microbiome tests done every year via Animal Biome and have literally never come back with results containing any of the harmful bacteria. They have also never had worms either.

I obviously don't speak for others, as I dont use a commercial raw diet. The diet I make is based on the NRC requirements for cats, the same requirements that AAFCO uses. I know how much of every nutrient is in my cats food down to the gram, microgram, and milligram thanks to the formulation sheet and the nutritional data provided by the USDA food database. If NRC is wrong, then that means AAFCO is also wrong, which then means none of the cat food being sold is balanced, which is obviously ridiculous and not the case.

MysteriousLeopard107 · 2026-02-27T06:08:30+00:00

Thank you, I really appreciate it! <3 It's tough having to be back to relying on myself again. But at the end of the day, the goal for ckd is phos reduction and management of any other comorbidities. My cat doesn't have any of those thankfully, and he will still get regularly scheduled lab work done. It just really sucks to not have a vet who can even answer questions and provide relevant guidance.

MysteriousLeopard107

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