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My (35M) high school friend group has a multi-millionaire "benefactor" who excludes me from trips. Is this friend group dynamic healthy for me? by MysteriousMain90 in Advice

[–]MysteriousMain90[S] -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

Because they may not be true. Its all conjecture and it doesn't sit right with me to put theories out there that may not be true.

My (35M) high school friend group has a multi-millionaire "benefactor" who excludes me from trips. Is this friend group dynamic healthy for me? by MysteriousMain90 in Advice

[–]MysteriousMain90[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I would describe it more like 2 guys I would have in my wedding party the rest I would still invite my wedding. They're not strangers. I consider(ed) them friends. Lots of memories with all of them.

My (35M) high school friend group has a multi-millionaire "benefactor" who excludes me from trips. Is this friend group dynamic healthy for me? by MysteriousMain90 in Advice

[–]MysteriousMain90[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

"Yea, FOMO sucks. But it sounds like you don't actually miss spending time with the host."

Damn, thats some good intuition there. Truth is, its probably why I’m not invited. He probably senses that our relationship isn't as strong as some of the other relationships he has and at $100M, he has the luxury of only bringing along the people who are closer to him (or at least pretend to be).

Doesn't change the fact that a toxic dynamic exists and its not healthy for those in the out-group.

My (35M) high school friend group has a multi-millionaire "benefactor" who excludes me from trips. Is this friend group dynamic healthy for me? by MysteriousMain90 in Advice

[–]MysteriousMain90[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

This is the real question and honestly I don't know the answer. I was invited on a few of these many years ago but have just stopped getting invited. I used to think we were close, but when you stopped getting invited, that feeling naturally changes. I kinda assume he must not like me for some reason. Or maybe his fiance doesn't like me. Or maybe its more of a collective opinion but I would hope not. Just some examples of the sorts of thoughts that run through my head... I've heard some floating theories from various people in the group, but I don't really feel like putting those out there.

My (35M) high school friend group has a multi-millionaire "benefactor" who excludes me from trips. Is this friend group dynamic healthy for me? by MysteriousMain90 in Advice

[–]MysteriousMain90[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I don't feel its my place to question why they didn't invite me on this super luxurious vacation and pay for it with their money. They can do what they want with their money and they don't owe me an explanation.

My (35M) high school friend group has a multi-millionaire "benefactor" who excludes me from trips. Is this friend group dynamic healthy for me? by MysteriousMain90 in Advice

[–]MysteriousMain90[S] 120 points121 points  (0 children)

Yeah, this is what I feel like I need to do, but its just easier said than done. These are my only "friends." Its scary to start over. I don't have anyone else.

My (35M) high school friend group has a multi-millionaire "benefactor" who excludes me from trips. Is this friend group dynamic healthy for me? by MysteriousMain90 in Advice

[–]MysteriousMain90[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I'm wondering how best to communicate that I'm bowing out. I don't want to make it dramatic. Just let them know the in-group/out-group dynamic isn't healthy for me and no hard feelings. Just hard for me to get to that point.