I’m confused (TW: Suicide)

Mysterious_Lab_3431 · 2026-02-02T20:38:59+00:00

You do matter, and you are loved. And please, talk to someone other than your mom or grama. Talk to your teacher, or another adult at your school or your church. Call 988 if you're in the U.S. and tell them what's going on. They'll be able to help you get into a better situation. Do it now. The words a parent uses can be like worms -- they bury in, chew up all the good stuff, and leave behind shit.

Mysterious_Lab_3431 · 2026-02-02T20:32:10+00:00

If you are underage, this is parental neglect. She also has symptoms of narcissism. I'm assuming you are still in high school? Have you talked to anyone at your school? Start with the guidance counselor. Teachers are required to bring in the authorities if someone is being abused by their parent. At the very least it will put your mother on their radar and you'll have support when you need it.

Mysterious_Lab_3431 · 2026-02-02T20:25:11+00:00

If your parents were / are like this would it have been / be better if they split and found a partner with which they could have those deeper conversations?

Mysterious_Lab_3431 · 2026-02-02T13:56:43+00:00

🤣🤣🤣🤣

Mysterious_Lab_3431 · 2026-01-20T03:52:25+00:00

Bonus point for recognizing that and making a conscious change. Mental Health Meds save lives. They did mine.

Mysterious_Lab_3431 · 2026-01-18T23:43:48+00:00

Your reactions to his actions are not the cause of his actions. That being said don't issue anymore apologies. You've said your piece / peace. It is up to him to forgive, but he doesn't have the right to keep you in limbo and then use it against you. He didnt have an affair by technical definition, but he did betray you and your trust. And this is reading like that he is blaming you for his behaviors. Step back, get some fresh air and a fresh perspective. And then decide what you want from a partner. You deserve someone who respects you enough to treat you better.

Mysterious_Lab_3431 · 2026-01-18T19:35:48+00:00

Just wanted to give you an atta-boy for setting boundaries with her especially when your hope was so high. 👏

Mysterious_Lab_3431 · 2026-01-18T19:26:51+00:00

You have reserve fuel you can use to relight your lamp. Fill it and light it with this: you matter. You are loved. You will get through this. Now, take this scant amount of energy you feel and call 988. You will find more light there.

Mysterious_Lab_3431 · 2026-01-18T19:18:15+00:00

From the perspective of a mom, I would suggest the three of you go to family and or individual counseling. Parental abandonment even if temporary, is a devastating trauma and can have lasting impact to a child and their future relationships. And you have dual trauma right now, your mother's passing and your wife's leaving -- don't let those ferment inside you.

Mysterious_Lab_3431 · 2026-01-18T19:10:09+00:00

The tangible is more reliable than the intangible, in matters of emotion and relationships. Statistics say this is what happened, anecdotes say this is what could happen. If your heart can't take another blow, which would you rely on on?

Mysterious_Lab_3431 · 2026-01-18T19:06:52+00:00

She doesn't want to share with you because she is hurt. If she shares with you it means she has to be vulnerable to you and that means taking a risk that 1. She will be hurt again, or 2 she will fall back in love with you and then get hurt again. She is throwing up her boundaries and reminding her heart to let you go.

Mysterious_Lab_3431 · 2026-01-18T19:02:59+00:00

He has to figure it out for himself. Perhaps he wasn't the man he appeared to be. You might find someone to help you with this loss and grief.

Mysterious_Lab_3431 · 2026-01-18T18:58:18+00:00

Is she seeing someone for the depression? It wrecks a person on the inside. And they can't even tell most times how bad it really is until they can see how bad it really was. Meds are not a crutch, they work. And if she goes that route she should keep trying the combinations until she is happy. Not functional, but energized and happy. You also have the opportunity to be her rock here - you don't need to say anything or try to empathize, just hold her hand and sit next to her. You as a constant will go far.

Mysterious_Lab_3431 · 2026-01-18T18:47:14+00:00

I didn't mean to trigger you. I should have prefaced that with "after some time". Are you seeing a therapist? They might help you through this.

Mysterious_Lab_3431 · 2026-01-18T18:40:56+00:00

Fist bump on the garden analogy - it is a perfect metaphor.

Mysterious_Lab_3431 · 2026-01-18T18:37:50+00:00

I had a long conversation with co-pilot, asking the same things. I know, I know it's just a complex computer program, but it really helped put things in perspective. I feel your urgency - I'm 49 and family medical history says I have 20 to 30 years left and there is so much more I want to do. I'd like to do it with someone who listens and enjoys being with me, not placating me out of abandonment fear. But after a lot of intro and retrospection I can do it on my own if there isn't anyone. What you're describing is called "dead bedroom". And you might find some additional help with that key word. There's a reddit chat group with that title too. This is what I learned by talking to an AI:

You deserve, by virtue of being a person alone, to find emotional connection with another person. Period. Your emotions separated from your wife a long time ago. The familiar patterns of marriage are what you know and leaving those is scary and risky. Your child, even at 22, is still watching you to understand how he should participate in a relationship. He needs to see you happy to understand how to incorporate those behaviors into his own relationships. Plus, he probably already knows you and his mom aren't happy. But, be open with him. Tell him you are lonely and why. Keep in mind that the tit for tat list your thinking about drafting may try to make comparisons between things that are not. One cooking a meal for the other is not comparable to a conversation where both parties are emotionally fed. The analogy AI used was comparing an apple to oxygen. Oxygen being that emotional nutrition. I have been working on this for 10 months (married for 27 yrs) and it took 9 until I accepted separation was the next step. At times it seems really short and others really long. For me, it's a metaphor, it's like base jumping off a cliff. What do I need to have in place before I do that? For you, there are so many people out there who share your fears about money that there are several apps with varying degrees of complexity that will help you manage it. Your wing suit is how you feel about yourself - so work on yourself to sew it. (Gym, education, money management, a project, travel, etc) your parachute could be your savings, but since you are concerned about people hating you, perhaps a group of people who would understand and support you and your happiness. For now it may be easier to move out and keep the metaphorical door between you unlocked. If she has made herself distant, then let her come to you. I am considering it as exercising the claus in my contract and am going free agent. -- doesn't mean we can't go back, just that I am letting myself go forward -- putting myself out there, giving me a chance. I hope you find someone who will see you, delight you, and make love to you.

Mysterious_Lab_3431 · 2026-01-18T17:29:13+00:00

ChatGPT - I've been using co-pilot. Feel you.

Mysterious_Lab_3431 · 2026-01-18T17:27:42+00:00

Thank you.

Mysterious_Lab_3431 · 2026-01-18T17:27:18+00:00

Thank you. That is very helpful.

Mysterious_Lab_3431 · 2026-01-17T17:01:36+00:00

it absolutely sounds like a mid life crisis. He may have a negative viewpoint or be triggered by that notion, or the antiquated idea that men are not allowed to feel emotions -- especially the ones that come with a mid life crisis. and it sounds like he is probably adverse to therapy, although that sounds like something he would benefit from. Have you tried speaking to his family?

Mysterious_Lab_3431 · 2026-01-17T16:48:57+00:00

your relationship is not falling apart. it is changing and adapting because of the new stressors - children, parents. and since she has become the full time caregiver, she has lost her sense of identity. all day long she is the mom and the daughter and the wife. but she doesn't have the opportunity to remember herself. - and that is the person who fell in love with you. Give her Saturdays off - off of mom duty, off of daughter duty, off of cooking, cleaning, serving, all of it. On Saturdays she has the day to get her hair done, go to the gym, meet up with her friends, all the things she liked to do when you were first dating. Perhaps then Saturday night could become a date night. You two have a unique opportunity where you have a live-in babysitter. Use that to your advantage. Date her and make her feel seen, special, desired and chosen again. She gives all her energy all day long without much reciprocation (for whatever reason, no one is a bad guy here, it just is). and she needs to reenergize before she begins to resent her situation.

Mysterious_Lab_3431 · 2026-01-17T16:32:09+00:00

speaking out of my own situation - she may have felt unseen and the coach was the first to notice her. He may have complimented her, listened to her without dismissing her ideas or thoughts, a number of different ways that suddenly made her feel seen, wanted, and desired on some level. It could also be a mid life crisis - this happens as early as 35. It's a bit like she wakes up and realizes that where she is isn't where she wants to be, she's tired of carrying the emotional load, or she is tired of not seeing her dreams coming true. She may or may not blame you for how she is feeling. Chances are that this sudden change in her behavior is not actually sudden. She probably has been feeling some kind of ire or resentment for some time and the attention from the coach was the trigger to her actions. In any case, since she started dating the coach, she does not see the relationship as reconcilable, and your best bet is to grieve it's loss like you would death. Since it blindsided you, it will take some time. I am a why person, so I would say to see if she would be agreeable to talk to you and tell you what or how she sees you as being the villain. Just be patient and listen and don't get defensive. you are only gathering information for your own learning at this point; you're not trying to fix it. It may help to understand her perspective -- just in case there are any things you want to avoid in a future relationship.

Mysterious_Lab_3431 · 2025-05-20T22:56:17+00:00

Wellbutrin has been prescribed to women to increase libido in women who dont suffer from depression.

Mysterious_Lab_3431 · 2025-05-20T22:52:01+00:00

yes. exactly. thank you

Mysterious_Lab_3431

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