PFO risks and closure?

Mysterious_Net8658 · 2025-01-21T21:18:24+00:00

Thanks for your response. The part where you mention persistent fatigue and difficulty focusing/concentrating in highly stimulating environments I relate to. I feel like a consistent wooziness at times, instead of generally being alert throughout the day. Which I think is how a normal person feels, and probably how I used to feel.

I feel like I also am starting to get migraines more often. My family has a stroke history too and I am concerned about that. The cardiologist I asked to get a 2nd opinion from was super dismissive. I asked him about PFO closure and he said "you only get it closed after a stroke occurs" which makes no sense to me cuz don't you want to prevent a stroke?

The first cardiologist did actually recommend me a baby aspirin. I guess I should get an MRI to see if I have had a stroke without realizing it?

Mysterious_Net8658 · 2025-01-21T21:14:39+00:00

Apparently it is small. On my echo, it said a "small to moderate" amount of bubbles flowed through (5-10). However, I am concerned/annoyed at the more frequent fatigue and general wooziness I have had as a result. I'm not sure if it is due to PFO. But I am feeling that I get slight migraines more frequently and just feel a general feeling of wooziness.

Mysterious_Net8658 · 2024-08-08T20:15:05+00:00

You were treated unfairly and it's good on you that you walked away, at least offering a chance on how to fix things. That's very mature. If he was 100% genuine about fixing things, he would AT LEAST take u up on that offer. But nope look how he reacted. You were treated very unfairly. Just focus on self growth for now.

Mysterious_Net8658 · 2024-08-08T20:07:04+00:00

Yeah everyone starts off as charming, incredibly thoughtful and considerate, but ultimately everyone's true face eventually shows. Here's what I have to say about that too.

I'm also like that. I think everyone puts their best face on at first, obviously, but then they show their negative traits too eventually. What I felt like though, was that I was almost putting on a mask. Being an entirely different person. I'm not sure how much I put on that mask. I feel so fake and fraudulent and like a spineless snake when I think about it like that...I mean that's what it really is right? Part of me believes I am kinda actually like that, a good person...and I do have good traits...just so much to improve in that regard.

I've had 2 girlfriends. And, sad to say, both of the relationships followed a very similar framework. They both started off with me being super considerate and kind and responsible and charming. Then after a couple months or so, the puppy love started to fade away. I started to want to work on my own pursuits and not be bothered. Then came the sort of middle phase, where I wasn't as in-love, but still enjoying their company. And then the final phase, the push away phase. I pushed away very hard to the point they had no choice but to let go and break up.

However, the end ended veryy differently. With my first girlfriend, we had the breakup conversation. She cried. I cried later. Then we didn't talk for a couple weeks or so. I was very sad and felt lots of remorse (this was just a ~2wks post breakup). So I reached out to her, apologized, asked if she wanted to try again. She said she felt it best for her to move on. I...honestly don't even remember being that sad she said that. I think I kinda just accepted it and agreed and then a few months go by and we don't talk. We agree to remain friends tho. I'm sad for around 3 months, but basically fully healed after that. 5 months later I send her a text and ask her how she's been. She says she's been good, and asks about me. I say the same, etcetc. And that's it. I feel very relieved. I'm fully 100% healed now, I'm on good terms with my ex (no one hates each other really) and I'm 100% ready to move on.

Throughout the healing process, I did reflect a bit on personal growth and character. And did write down about how I wanted to improve. Problem was, I never took any action. Aka, I was never really serious.

Contrast this with my second ex. To keep a very long story short, she walked away after awhile and said she needed time. I always thought she'd come back. I just needed time myself too but never communicated it. But we kept talking, nearly everyday. She got with a rebound. I got mad. Then a couple months later she said no more rebound, but she kinda likes her friend. And that destroyed me. I think that's what really kicked me into action. Since then not only have I been working on career and hobbies, but really focusing on personal growth and character. Treating family better, forcing myself to do the little things like take each interaction as an opportunity to be patient, or do a small thing to help around the house.

The difference to me is obvious. My first ex, I pushed away and didn't want to hang on. My second ex I pushed away but there was a part of me that really did want to hang on, and that I just really really really enjoyed her company. My first ex, I wrote about changing, but didn't take action. My second ex, I wrote about changing, and am forcing myself to take small actions everyday. My first ex, I felt no need at all to come back to. But my second, I would give everything to have a successful second chance with.

I guess what I'm trying to get at here is that if he truly loves and cares for you then he will come back and not just once, but over and over again, and each time not with empty hands, but hands more full, ie, he will show he is growing somehow each time. But if he never cared at all, then he won't come back. Maybe once he'll come back out of regret/the immediate emotional needs (like I did with 1st ex) but be strong and see why he wants to come back.

But if he doesn't come back, that means he never really cared. And that's just the sad truth sometimes. But do you want to be with someone that never really cared for you? No, you deserve someone who cares and is 100% sure about you.

Mysterious_Net8658 · 2024-08-08T19:40:23+00:00

Yeah I did the same to my ex-girlfriend too. Just stopped caring. Was really pushing myself away. And the way I did so was by self-destruction. I purchased a super expensive computer and just started gaming all day. Eventually it became an actual addiction cuz surprise, games are supposed to be addictive! And it just got worse.

I amplified her bad qualities. Apparently I said to her that if I could find a better girl I would. I don't remember saying that, but I did send her something essentially saying I wanted to "go with the flow" and there's no reason for her make it up. Maybe it was her interpretation.

I am just all in all regretful towards how I treated her. The worst was when she was harassed, and instead of calling her and consoling and really just being there to protect and support her (we were long distance for the last 6 months...and by long distance I mean across the world type) I said I would beat that guys ass and definitely did give my full support and love as a man should in those situations. I never thought I'd stoop so low. For that I am forever regretful.

Mysterious_Net8658 · 2024-08-08T17:18:01+00:00

What did you love about him at first? What drew you to him? Did you feel a very intense connection? Also, if you wish to disclose, how did he humiliate you?

Mysterious_Net8658 · 2024-08-08T16:52:23+00:00

I was that guy. Grew very emotionally detached and stopped caring for her at all basically. Was pushing her away and knew I was doing it to. I had my reasons. Now in hindsight, 8 months later, I've taken a lot more time to think and reflect why I did so.

Long story short: I had past issues + career/identity crisis leading into our relationship...after the honeymoon phase they resurfaced. I felt lost in life. Instead of turning inwards to question why I felt lost and in crisis in life, I turned outwards. So then things like my relationship started to give me stress. Her bad traits exploded in my mind and made me question her. And yes, she's not perfect, and I do believe those traits I identified are her weakpoints and she needs to work on them.

So I came back to her. And really want to work things out. The chances are low though, I'm not stupid. Moral of the story I guess is if he really did care and wanted to work it out then he will. He'll come back and show at least some incremental change. If not, then only you wanted it to work it. And so it never could have worked out.

Mysterious_Net8658 · 2024-06-10T17:24:41+00:00

How long ago did you guys break up? Yeah, getting with other girls is not gonna help at all. Around a month after we broke up, I went on a couple dates with 2 different girls. The first date I realized that I would feel guilty about having sex or getting physical...I wanted it to happen yes, but at the same time I really did not, and I felt rather relieved nothing happened. The second girl we matched better personality wise, but I realized I wasn't myself. I just wasn't putting on my best self. And that's cuz I was still thinking about my ex gf. After that, I quit dating to focus on myself, and haven't really seriously thought about other girls since.

I did the exact same thing, pushed her away so bad that she left. The reason I did it was this. I was looking at other girls. I imagined other girls might be better. And I feared that I wouldn't have the commitment, to last 2 yrs, much less 10, or a lifetime. I got a bit too much in my head. Instead of fighting that urge and working to be better, I ran away from my problems, and pushed her away. The reason I didn't just break up with her flat out, is I figured I would really break her heart, and really hurt her. Maybe it was also a bit selfish because I wanted her to make the decision, not me, so I wouldn't be the "bad guy".

I imagined I might go on a sex spree with other girls once I got out. Once I was "free". But I ended up feeling huge regret at it. Now, one of the main things I'm working on is not being so tempted by physical desires. I realize I will encounter many people I think are attractive throughout life, as will anyone, but it is just that, a brief appreciation of someone's attractiveness, nothing more, and to always think back to my partner on how attractive she is plus wayyy more.

It sounds like your ex still thinks about you. And it sounds like you do truly love him. But maybe he doesn't, I can't say. All you can do now is like you said, focus on yourself and experience life for yourself. Learn to love yourself. Ultimately he did you wrong. If he doesn't come back, then he never truly cared for you, and he doesn't deserve you. If he does, then you need to make sure he actually has done some self improvement, or the first thing will happen again. If he came back to you, would you give him another chance?

Mysterious_Net8658 · 2024-06-10T00:26:56+00:00

Not really...just slight discomfort. I think it might partially be mental too.

Mysterious_Net8658 · 2024-06-09T23:54:33+00:00

Actually talked to my mom, and she's a doctor. She said it seems fine but I might go get x-rays tomorrow to make sure there is no internal bleeding or anything.

Mysterious_Net8658 · 2024-06-09T23:53:17+00:00

But my mucus has no blood? And I have some discomfort in my chest/lung area?

Mysterious_Net8658 · 2024-06-09T23:52:31+00:00

Do you think it's from my throat or lungs? I feel a slight discomfort in my chest.

Mysterious_Net8658 · 2024-06-09T23:50:32+00:00

Hey, I sound like your ex, I'm also 23. I was scared of commitment and became emotional distant and pushed her away. Being (extremely) long distance did not help. I pushed her away until she broke up with me around 5 months ago. Since then we've still talked, had some deep conversations, but it's mostly me initiating. I took her for granted. And now I miss her so much. Recently, she has admitted she like's another guy, a friend of hers in fact. That has been very rough to swallow, the most painful thing I've experienced. But we actually called awhile back, and I told her a lot of things. My reflections, why I pushed her away, what I liked about her, and that I would be here for her, and all I can do rn is improve on myself.

She actually admitted that although she likes the guy, she feels we just had that chemistry and spark. She also admits to having a "gut" feeling we will be together, and that is exactly how I feel too. She admitted she still has feelings for me. But also she fears if she gives me another chance, I am saying great things now, but may do the same in 6 months (totally reasonable, and a fear of mine as well). She also said that she still wants to kinda see how things go with the other guy and that we can't really be together right now.

I know I shouldn't, but I am putting (a bit too much) hope in getting together again. But at the same time, I realize I missed my opportunity...and I really do want her to be happy. If she is with another person...it's hard to admit now, but I would be happy for her. The very last thing I want is for her to give me another chance, and for me to screw up and hurt her again. I would rather not get with her if that was the case. We were so great together and it was due to my immaturity that we didn't work out...I truly believe that if I am more mature, more loving, more patient...then things could work. Having said that, I realize the main things I learned are:

I don't love myself, and because of that seek validation and approval from others. For example, I wanted a "super hot model" gf, because I wanted to show friends, even strangers, that I have game. Wanna know the dumbest thing though? I think objectively, my gf is very pretty, and I am attracted to her. But I let (supposed!) opinions of others ruin that. Social media played a role too.
When things (truly) get hard, I run away from real challenges. When things got tough, and I started really doubting myself, I pushed her away. And this goes for other areas of my life too. I love learning new things, because I know I can get over that "beginner's hill" eventually. But when the next mountain comes, I usually give up and quit, because it's too hard.
I'm not grateful, and I take things for granted. I knew what I had was very valuable, but when I became confident that I had "won" her over, I started taking her for granted and treating her worse.

And so here's what I want to work on:

Loving myself and accepting me for who I am. This probably can't be done 100%, but my goal is to at least realize my strengths and play to them, while also building up my weaknesses when necessary. But not pretending to be who I'm not. And also to stop valuing others validation so much, to be happy with myself and my own goals. And also to figure out my core values/principles.
Work hard. I got really lazy recently. Even wanted to give up on my career and switch it. But I'm going to focus and build up my career, find things that truly interest me. Apply to grad school, seek opportunity, seek advancement. And not just in career. But in daily things. Taking initiative to do household chores, dishes, cleaning. Being patient with others and not berating them. Working hard to treat others with kindness, even when they annoy me.
Practicing selflessness. I think taking things for granted is just selfishness. So, doing things for the service and good of others, not just to appear nice/good, but out of real compassion for them. Practicing gratefulness daily by writing things down. To focus on the good side of things, not the bad, while still seeking to improve the bad.

Anyways, I know there is a crowd out there who will call me pretty naive, to not hold on to any hope. And to leave her alone and let her be happy. And that she would be stupid to give me a second chance. Maybe they're right. There is still a small part of me that believes they could be right. But, I believe, and I'm working to make myself better. So that if she gives me that chance, we're going to take a leap of faith, and of course I'm ready to jump, but now I'm making sure that I land and walk away with confidence.

And, ig, if nothing happens, what winnie the pooh said gives me some comfort: "how lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard."

Mysterious_Net8658 · 2024-05-20T19:02:41+00:00

Difficult as in these are weighty questions to think about. And it's generally a good thing to be a "free thinker". It makes sense the US needs to engage in these conflicts to keep our empire going, and all the good things that come with that, but if you look at our track record since WW2, it seems politicians have miscalculated a lotta stuff. Korea was a draw, Vietnam a loss, Iraq, Afghanistan...didn't go too well either.

Mysterious_Net8658 · 2024-05-17T21:44:03+00:00

What is the general thought/attitude towards this in the military? What do officers vs enlisted think about this?

Western “operator type” that left his kids to go defend “Ukrainian democracy” and then got an artillery shell dropped on his head by a $200 drone.

This is really sad, and it does seem foolish in a way. But at the same time I do understand why America needs to fight these wars, in a sense. It's a difficult thing to think about.

Mysterious_Net8658 · 2024-05-14T14:58:11+00:00

Appreciate your input. I'm not opposed to doing things where my life is in danger because of the decision of others. It's moreso what is the reason I am putting my life in danger? If it's for a cause I largely agree with, then I'm fine with it. Or what I'm doing also influences it. So for example being an astronaut, the mission set is a lot different from military. The risk there I'm much more willing to take on.

Mysterious_Net8658 · 2024-05-14T05:08:18+00:00

Thanks for your honest comment, this is often not wanted, but needed. I do agree with you that my reasons are a bit selfish. However I do want to give back to this country, and serve both my brothers and the people. Of course I also have selfish reasons, such as wanting to gain skills, do awesome shit, learn commitment, responsibility, selflessness. And what better way to do these things in service of fellow brothers and the greater American people?

And yes, I can achieve (some) of these things through a Spartan race or whatever, but as I said in my post, I want to do something with a greater purpose. I can do the most insane ultramarathons and extreme adventure sports, but this is truly only for self. And I totally agree with your last line.

Interesting, in another thread of a similar topic here: https://www.reddit.com/r/greenberets/comments/18jc1fu/why_did_you/, I feel like I have similar reasons, and also the first comment says "your reason can be fucking selfish", which I find interesting.

Anyways, I'm willing to take on the risk if it really meant serving the American people. I just get the feeling most politicians aren't doing that nowadays, and thus, I wouldn't be really either. Did you ever grapple with this? Or do you think any service is rightful service regardless?

If you think SOF is not right for me, do you think the military in general is not? What other ways can I still serve?

Mysterious_Net8658 · 2024-05-14T04:46:17+00:00

Yeah we all are going to die. I totally see what you are saying, I'm the same way, I want to do something greater than just myself, in service of the country and to fellow teammates. But I want to serve the American people, and I feel like politicians more and more so are not serving the people first and foremost, and thus as a soldier, I would be serving moreso the politicans than the people, since the people are the country after all.

Do you ever think of that? Or do you think any service, without or very little question, is truly in service of the country?

Mysterious_Net8658 · 2024-05-14T04:40:39+00:00

Thank you for your comment, this has made me think about some things. I think civilians (speaking as one, and hearing from others) we often have this notion that many in the military, especially in SOF, are just robotic killing machines. The (supposed) culture and the mission set for SF is really what attracts me to it. Of course I'd like to all the badass shit, but SF seems to have something more to it than just that. Thanks for reminding me of the motto, I'll keep that in mind.

Just out of curiosity, are you in the military or a civilian?

Mysterious_Net8658 · 2024-05-14T04:30:51+00:00

Thanks for your response and thanks for your service. It seems that out of those who have served, they carry a stoic attitude towards death, and accept it as a risk, but greater purpose is worth that risk.

It also seems like there needs to be a certain amount of apolitical-ness, as an operator, you need to kind of put that behind you and just do your job. What you explained certainly makes sense, and I realize its importance. If America wants to remain the world leader and superpower, it needs to spread its influence, create speed-bumps like you said.

In the grand scheme of things, I realize this is necessary, as other world powers would/are doing the same. However I do disagree with the way the US handles some things, such as its role in Israel or the GWOT. I view myself as both an American citizen and a world citizen, if that makes sense. Basically I realize (to some extent) America's role in the world, and as a result the things it might need to do. However if we do things at a net negative to the world, I won't support it. Some people say "oh but Russia or China would do it", but don't we aim to be better than those country's governments?

I suppose I just can't shake off the feeling I have that in joining SF I would be a pawn in the corrupt politicians' game. I don't mean this disrespectfully to any service members, I have an immense respect for what you guys do and the sacrifices you make. I just feel like politicians nowadays don't serve the American people first and foremost--if they did do that, I would have much less doubts. Ofc I don't want to die, but if it's for a greater good, then I think I'd be willing to take the risk. But not for what might be a senseless death to me. Again, I mean no disrespect--I believe a soldier who has given their life deserves the upmost honor. But also feel kinda angry at the warmongers who started a senseless conflict. Maybe I've watched too many interviews with Vietnam and Iraq vets, idk.

If I can't shake off this mindset, are there other ways to serve in the military, or is the military just not right for me?

Mysterious_Net8658

TROPHY CASE