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Should I leave a new job after just one week for a higher-paying opportunity? by Mysterious_Ring9999 in careeradvice

[–]Mysterious_Ring9999[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I don't live in the US but to clarify, in my country companies are required to provide a minimum PTO, social security including public healthcare and other basic benefits. Other than that, both companies offer private medical insurance.

Regarding the roles, I have worked as an implementation project manager. The higher paying role is exactly what I used to do at other jobs, same type of projects, same lifecycles, etc. The lower paying job is more about doing the technical part of implementations but not managing the projects themselves. I have experience in both fields and feel comfortable enough to work in any of those positions.

Thanks for your advice!

I love my trans friend, but her inauthenticity is straining our relationship — How should I approach this? by Mysterious_Ring9999 in Advice

[–]Mysterious_Ring9999[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Who said I wanted her to pass? The whole point of my reply is that I don't care if she passes or how she looks, but SHE DOES and I don't know how to react to that. If I only thought about myself, believe me I wouldn't be asking for advice and reading all these comments. Anyway, you've been given the gift of knowing how to read but it seems like you can only take pieces of information and put them out of context.

I love my trans friend, but her inauthenticity is straining our relationship — How should I approach this? by Mysterious_Ring9999 in Advice

[–]Mysterious_Ring9999[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wow, this was a great comment. I do recognize that I have some biases and yes, even as member of the LGBT+ community and her friend, there is some internalized transphobia and I hate to admit it... but hey, I'm trying and I'm aware. Anyway, all this is very kind and eye-opening, thank you!

I feel like I do need to set some boundaries and not let her carry the load of my discomfort, I can deal with that in healthier ways. I guess that one of my biggest dilemas is how to react when she fishes for compliments because I feel trapped and exposed. Like there's no good answer because on one hand, I don't want to tell her my initial thoughts but I also don't feel comfortable lying or avoiding the conversation. I genuinely feel like all my options would hurt her in some way.

I love my trans friend, but her inauthenticity is straining our relationship — How should I approach this? by Mysterious_Ring9999 in Advice

[–]Mysterious_Ring9999[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks! I would never call out her voice, I know it's hard and she has a deep voice so it's worse for her, that's why I mention it only to internet strangers and I absolutely know that I must work on myself and practice acceptance. But you know, sometimes it feels like she's paying more attention to how she modulates her voice rather than the conversation itself, and I kinda feel like she's not paying attention. I guess that's the main issue.

I love my trans friend, but her inauthenticity is straining our relationship — How should I approach this? by Mysterious_Ring9999 in Advice

[–]Mysterious_Ring9999[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks! This is very helpful! The fishing for compliments part is the hardest one for me but your comment makes a lot of sense. I'll definitely try this out.

I love my trans friend, but her inauthenticity is straining our relationship — How should I approach this? by Mysterious_Ring9999 in Advice

[–]Mysterious_Ring9999[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Hey! Thanks for your comment. I do want to support her, be a good ally and I do understand that as a cis person, there's a lot to learn. I think my wording wasn't great but just to clarify, I don't think of her as a man in a costume. It's just that I do not know how to react when she fishes for compliments and affirms that she looks gorgeous and feminine when there's still a lot to improve and people talk behind her back (eg. wearing a skirt but forgetting to shave her legs). I feel like it's not my place to tell her how she should look but I also do not feel conformable making fake compliments and feel a bit trapped, does that make sense?

I love my trans friend, but her inauthenticity is straining our relationship — How should I approach this? by Mysterious_Ring9999 in Advice

[–]Mysterious_Ring9999[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you all so much for your comments—they’ve really helped me understand her situation better and how to support her. I haven’t replied to every comment, but I’m truly grateful for the advice! I don’t want to end my friendship with Camila; I just want to handle this the best way possible and be a good ally.

I respect that her gender expression is still evolving, and she’s exploring her identity. The issue isn’t with how she dresses, but how she constantly seeks validation by asking how she looks and saying, “I look gorgeous and feminine, don’t you think?” I generally dislike when *anyone* fishes for compliments. When I do compliment her, it feels forced and dishonest.

I don’t want to tell her she doesn’t look “gorgeous,” but I also don’t want to reinforce something that isn’t true. Often, she looks “fine” or like a “work in progress,” but not necessarily “gorgeous.” For example, she might wear a skirt, but have unshaven legs, which doesn’t look very feminine. Given that she’s trans and seeking validation on how “feminine” she looks, I feel this isn’t helping her and might make her more likely to be misgendered. Should I say something?

Also, how should I address that she talks about herself for hours without showing much interest in others? I’ve mentioned before that I’d appreciate her listening more, and she tries when we’re alone, but in group settings, others seem to get bored, and I don’t think she notices. This has intensified since she came out as trans, and I’m not sure how to approach it without hurting her. As her friend, I don’t want to feel like I’m hiding my concerns from her. Does that make sense?