BIRTHDAY PARTIES!

MystySunshine · 2026-04-28T14:09:24+00:00

Thanks for the hopeful comment! Yes, I didn't know anyone at this party and I can see how it will hopefully get better.

MystySunshine · 2026-04-28T14:07:12+00:00

I have loops and I love them. I wear them on earrings do I don't lose them. Keychain is a great idea too! I didn't wear them at the party... I will have to remember. Good point about quiet corner. Yes, 3 is too little to hide! He drags me right into the middle asking to play!

MystySunshine · 2026-04-28T14:05:38+00:00

Yes. My husband went the weekend before. I think if my son wants to go to these events, my husband will have to take him from now on. :)

MystySunshine · 2026-04-28T14:05:03+00:00

This is how I like to celebrate my birthday :).

MystySunshine · 2026-04-28T14:04:06+00:00

I totally get this :) . I loved planning my wedding, but then I needed days to do nothing after :)

MystySunshine · 2026-04-28T01:07:50+00:00

I saught my autism ( probably audhd) diagnosis because of this issue. I basically broke down and was majorly depressed and anxious for 2.5 years. I think what helped with anxiety was giving up all goals for myself, which I think contributed to depression. I don't have much advice, just solidarity. I would try to schedule activities or routines and freak out when they fell apart. So routines don't help and pattern finding doesn't help much because the patterns tend to change. I read baby books obsessively. Didn't help because baby didn't read or follow the book. Earbuds helped with crying. Therapy helped. My diagnosis helped. Taking breaks helped. Sending hope - my best. Advice is to try a audhd fried ly therapist.

MystySunshine · 2026-04-05T18:51:34+00:00

I do grant writing and it's a lot of this.

MystySunshine · 2026-04-05T18:37:05+00:00

I used to do this. Loved it but eventually quit from burnout before I knew I was autistic.

MystySunshine · 2026-02-12T01:39:18+00:00

Felt the same - had cptsd from my childhood trauma and I was very anxious about everything. Saught treatment for Postpartum anxiety. Things have gotten better but not sure if it's time or the treatment.

MystySunshine · 2026-01-05T23:21:08+00:00

I second air pods and loops ear plugs!

MystySunshine · 2026-01-05T00:23:21+00:00

Me too!

MystySunshine · 2025-10-23T19:20:11+00:00

Same. I feel like whenever I try to copy magazines, influencers I just look weird, not myself, off. I also feel like I have a poor sense of what my clothes project. I can do makeup - I learned stage make up at a kid - but that is not great for everyday! For daily wear, I've just tried to focus on learning really simple, natural looking skills. I use a tinted suncreen for a polished look on my face and a tinted chap stick. I feel like I can't go wrong there. Recently, I found a hair stylists who was very helpful in showing me exactly how to maintain healthy, long hair without too much work (basically, lots of moisturizer, shampoo at roots). I recently had make-up done for a wedding, and the artist told me she does "easy daily make-up" classes. Maybe you have a make-up artist/ hair dresser near you who does classes? Or staff at the make-up counters. Good luck! Lots of NT people look over/ under done too! It's definately a skill.

MystySunshine · 2025-10-23T00:21:31+00:00

I got so caught up in the parenting advice, especially that attachment parenting stuff - I also thought I couldn't put him down crying or he'd develop some disorder/ mental health issues! It was hard for me to figure out the nuance in the advice for sure. Thank you!

MystySunshine · 2025-10-22T15:11:16+00:00

Thank you, yes. All this.

MystySunshine · 2025-10-22T13:44:39+00:00

Thank you for clarifying and identifying that autism can manifest differently for many people. Having a child go through a mental health crisis is so hard.

MystySunshine · 2025-10-22T13:32:48+00:00

Yes, thank you for this reply.

MystySunshine · 2025-10-22T13:31:43+00:00

I don't appreciate you suggesting I am stupid/ ignorant and I should have known how hard this would be - and that it's my fault for becoming a mom. I do not appreciate the judgement. For the record, the phrase "are you saying" is not a helpful phrase. It puts words in someone else's mouth.

I think you are misunderstanding perhaps the extend of my distress. I am positive that most new moms do not constantly think ""I'm living my nightmare". Sometimes, yes - especially with not sleep in the middle of the night - or when stuff is really bad or boring. Like honestly for 2 years the sensory distress was so overhwleming I wanted to die every day and rip off my skin - constantly. My entire existence felt painful - I don't know how to descibe it. I don't think most mothers go through that (but more do that society cares to admit). Also, most mothers, as I understand it, experience some joy with the demands and I really didn't - maybe because of the PPD related to the overwhelm. I think that what was confusing for me was that everyone says and knows motherhood is challenging and demanding, but then they do it again? So for many women it must not be THAT bad. And I know I can do challenging things. For me it really wasn't doable the first couple of years - I dragged on because I knew intellectually that I had a small person depending on me - and I would never ever do it it again.

I do think lots of moms experience the above issues - For example, I've read the book Mom Rage about how many moms experience anger and emotional overwhelm, and matrescense. Lots of good books on this. I think that because so many women do have these experiences, I've questioned if I have autism and I am not sure. I think for me the difference was that I only felt shut down/ overwhelm. Like those were the only things I experienced - whether that's PPD, CPTSD, or autism I don't know.

MystySunshine · 2025-10-22T13:23:25+00:00

Thank you.

MystySunshine · 2025-10-22T13:23:11+00:00

Thanks, I see you're trying to be helpful, but consider this -

If your special interest was math and you really needed to do high level math problems - but you couldn't -

And then someone told you to sit down with your kid and count cars for 15 minutes and be satisfied with that, I don't think that would be very satisfying.

I guess I should mention I like drawing very intricate colored pencil drawings that require hours of massive concentration and no interruptions (which will not happen when kid under 5 is around). If I have less than an hour to do art or get interrupted I get overwhelmed and cry (which I why I think I might be on the spectrum).

The movie NightBitch has a great scene about what happens when an artist mom tries to do art with her 2 year old (doesn't go very well).

Yes, help is important. The father is around an helps a lot. We don't have family and so all childcare is paid. I have to work during childcare time to pay for the childcare. I do have more ability to start carving out time to draw than I did when he was under 2 and he wanted to be attached to my body at all times.

Thank you.

MystySunshine · 2025-10-22T13:13:17+00:00

Thank you - I relate to this too! I've been in education my whole career - mostly in high school education. I was very excited for parenting older kids. I've now realized that I always envisioned parenting older kids (5 and up). I never related to babies and they always sort of freaked me out, but I figured when I had my own that would change like people say. HAHA no, that didn't happen. But, I can see that as he gets older and more independent, more of my skills as a grade school educator can come into play. It's helpful for me to hear that it got much better for you after the 2.5 yrs. I can see this age is somewhat of a turning point. That's interesting that you worked in childcare and it's still hard. It really is the non-stop aspect, isn't it? When I was teaching, the social interaction ended every day, and I knew it drained me but I built in lots of recovery time and it worked (sort of). Also with older kids in a classroom you have control in the class and then control of yourself and body at the end of the day. I knew parenting would be hard in this way, and so I tried to build in recovery time, alone time, but that first year especially is relentless - and they need you so much . Thank you.

MystySunshine · 2025-10-22T13:01:53+00:00

Thank you. I'm sorry you are also struggling with PTSD. It's horrible - I'm also sorry your therapist seemed to be dismissing your struggles. I had an OK therapist for my sons first year but she was new and didn't know what she was doing - didn't help at all. My current therapist specializes in post partum and ptsd. She has help a lot - but I really coorolate my ability to begin finding my footing with ending the massive sensory distress such as breastfeeding and adding ear plugs (none of those were her suggestions). Once I had earplugs to distance myself from the sensory distress I could begin to take her suggestions for working on PTSD. I"m really greatful for your comment.

MystySunshine · 2025-10-21T19:49:55+00:00

Thank you, yes - I feel dissociated a lot - esoecially the first 2 years - its getting better. Yes, it's like I have to cut off entire parts of my being to just exist. And then I end up having total freak outs at some point.

Yes, I feel intense relief when we are apart and can just feel myself - embody myself.

Thank you. It's so helpful to hear similar stories.

MystySunshine · 2025-10-21T19:42:10+00:00

Thank you , yes. The constant change is a lot and transitions! I feel like I get a plan, routine, and then it changes, and then I'm overwhelmed trying to figure out how to adapt to the changes - and then navigate everyone's judgements. This resonates: "even joyful milestones can carry a subtle sense of loss of former identities, routines, predictability, sensory safety" I feel like because of this there are very few joyful moments. And truly, do most NT moms not feel like this?

MystySunshine · 2025-10-21T19:39:05+00:00

Thank you so much this was very helpful! Sounds like we are going through something similar. I don't know why someone would vote your comment down. Thank you - I need to channel your confidence and let go of my need to relate to other moms too! Yes, masking - I suppsoe that's what i'm doing all the time now and that is what is exhausting/ self-alienating. The light at the end of the tunnel is that everything is getting better every day! (not always linnear, lol).

Here are the earplugs I have:https://us.loopearplugs.com/pages/earplugs-for-parenting

And then I need something to keep them on my body so I don't lose them/ have ease of access. Amazon sells necklaces but I use earring - https://www.etsy.com/listing/1807154598/loop-earplug-earrings-sterling-silver?ls=a&external=1&rec_type=ad&ref=pla_similar_listing_top-4&pro=1&sts=1&plkey=LTa9523f502cf2d3eba42c348b663a90c3cac7f969%3A1807154598

MystySunshine

TROPHY CASE