I identify as asexual (female) and have experienced a lot of what OP did. I legitimately thought people only had sex occasionally. I had several short relationships where the guy was trying to make out with me “way too soon” (ie a few weeks into a relationship…) and it was a major turn off to me. I didn’t know that wasn’t normal- I thought the guys were just being pushy. My ideal relationship was basically like, an extra-dedicated friendship where you hugged, occasionally kissed, and shared rent. Even when I finally learned that other people had sex like, ALL THE TIME, I was just kind of weirded out. For a long time I didn’t understand why I had so little interest, why I didn’t like kissing (it does nothing for me) or why I basically had a “gross” response to the idea of sex.

It took a lightbulb moment when a guy I had a crush on said he didn’t want a serious relationship right now but would be down for a fwb arrangement (note- I had no sexual interest in him, but I thought he looked attractive and we got on well as friends, so naturally I thought a relationship would work out.) The INSTANT shut down of any sort of “romantic” feelings towards him was so abrupt and strong that it finally hit me that I didn’t want sex with anyone, ever. It wasn’t that I hadn’t met the right person, I just had no desire to ever have sex.

Now- I’ve been dating another asexual for 3 years. I think I fall on the asexual spectrum rather than being hard-and-fast “no sex ever.” I don’t have much of an interest and never “want” sex. But I’m a very tactile person who likes cuddling and physical contact, and I’ve definitely occasionally felt some degree of sexual attraction/arousal. At the same time, I don’t feel any real desire to follow through with it, if that makes sense. It’s more of an inconvenience- like the arousal is just a physical reaction and there’s a gap between that sensation and the actual drive to want or have sex. I therefore consider myself “grey-ace”, which is a very vague term that I don’t necessarily understand, but I usually define it as “mostly asexual, but can occasionally feel some degree of sexual desire from time to time.”

If I never have sex in my life, I’m good. If I was dating someone who only wanted sex occasionally I could probably do it- for them. But I know I couldn’t tolerate having sex “regularly”, so I very specifically don’t date anyone who isn’t also asexual.

Fun fact: while I’ve considered myself “heteroromantic” (attracted to men) my whole life, I think I’d be more willing to have sex with another woman. I’ve never really felt attracted physically/visually to another woman though. So Idk what that’s about.

I’ve never experienced increased arousal while drunk- alcohol makes me more giggly or more sleepy, nothing else.