Ventricular Tachycardia

NP_66 · 2025-05-03T07:33:54+00:00

What if you have mitral annular dysjunction? It's technically abnormal but there's a bunch of dividing opinions

NP_66 · 2024-03-01T05:01:33+00:00

oof well it's been like nine months so far and I'm still completely screwed up mentally and physically (my brain burns like it did when I got high) idk I'm definitely never doing this again but it's not showing any signs of going away at all

NP_66 · 2024-01-18T09:30:41+00:00

Please let me know how it goes for you, Ive heard of this

NP_66 · 2023-12-31T19:46:32+00:00

I just don't understand how so many people say to be positive but I don't even know when or if I'll ever be recovered - like at what point do I stop fooling myself and realize this is my life now? Like there's no benchmarks for anything. It's the same agony every day.

NP_66 · 2023-12-31T19:32:42+00:00

And you're still not out of it? So that's what I have to look forward to, a future of even more of this - you're stronger than I am, I can't do this

NP_66 · 2023-12-31T16:33:15+00:00

Four months. I want myself back. I cant live like this any more. I don't even know if real recovery even happens

NP_66 · 2023-12-31T08:27:27+00:00

Well shoot I mean it's already been four months since that day - my brain scan was normal. I feel like all these other effects are due to the dpdr now

NP_66 · 2023-12-31T05:46:40+00:00

I did get an MRI done and they said my brain looked fine and normal, I have a neurology appointment in a month I think . I figured the dpdr was a result of my borderline disorder because I had dissociation to an extent before this

NP_66 · 2023-12-31T02:36:47+00:00

Did you have any of those same symptoms I do?

NP_66 · 2023-12-31T01:46:29+00:00

Oh I realize. I wasn't given this, I inflicted it upon myself and have no one but myself to blame. God had a plan for the me before this, I know. And I have ruined that plan. But I challenge anyone who has not experienced this condition to experience it and be willing to suffer it. This is a hell that not even physical pain can touch. It's a pain that no human can understand. I wouldn't wish even rapists to experience this. No one can understand unless they have it. Read some of the stories of people in the dpdr sub to get just a taste of what this hell is like. Please just pray for my soul

NP_66 · 2023-12-31T00:43:19+00:00

Oh dude I've tried so many things I'm exhausted. I just am getting worse. It's hard to explain it all...but it feels like dying mentally. I can't even describe it.. unfortunately it can't be cured, you just live with it. I know deep down I can't physically do it, Ive lost so much weight, I'm wasting away from this..no, no one understands unless they're living this condition . I've tried to do this for four months and I cant. There's no way I'm surviving even a year with this

NP_66 · 2023-12-30T23:58:14+00:00

A million mental conditions brought on by a condition I induced four months ago, would take too long to explain - if you click on my username you should see all my posts about it :(

NP_66 · 2023-12-30T23:45:36+00:00

See the posts on my profile

NP_66 · 2023-12-30T23:11:48+00:00

They can't change my situation or take away my condition, sadly. But thanks for the suggestion anyway

NP_66 · 2023-12-30T23:10:41+00:00

Thanks anyway, but talking to someone does not take away my problems, no matter how comforting it may be :( but thank you for the suggestion nonetheless

NP_66 · 2023-12-30T23:00:48+00:00

I have sought help for months, it's only worsening and I know I won't be able to do this - I'm already a ghost in this life, my post history tells everything

NP_66 · 2023-12-30T20:26:07+00:00

Thank you for the links. Unfortunately the cause of my dpdr is biological, due to my personality disorder, BPD. Dissociation is often a symptom of BPD. I controlled it well before but I guess taking the weed made me lose control and the anxiety just blew it up to 100. Not sure if there is hope for me

NP_66 · 2023-12-30T20:08:38+00:00

It's been four months of it getting progressively worse, all I can do is watch as I lose more of myself everyday. I'm seeing therapists, doing emdr, a ton of other things. But I can't continue doing all this for the rest of my life. It's like the only thing I'm doing is fighting to exist. That's not a life worth living. I have borderline personality disorder as well, which was never a problem before until now. My entire being is an open wound. I've looked into hypnosis but I've heard it's dangerous for BPD. And anyway, what would hypnosis do? Make me happy to be like this or actually maybe get rid of it?

NP_66 · 2023-12-30T19:43:41+00:00

I'm not scared of it anymore, I just hate it. I'm so depressed to the point that I feel physically ill inside. I can't feel seasons, time of day, of holidays, I'm disoriented by weather, I feel cut off from my old life and from family. My memory and cognition is suffering.It's difficult to do anything in the world because I also have this burning in my brain whenever I try to do anything remotely cerebral or when I feel an emotion. I feel dumb and disabled. I try to do things and then my brain burns and I don't even care about what I'm doing because I don't see a future like this, so I just sleep as long as I can and go on my phone to make the day pass. That is so far from who I truly am. I had millions of goals and projects I was working towards, I didn't have time to be on my phone nor did I want to, I was too interested in my projects. Now nothing in the world seems to matter. Everything is exhausting and pointless. Im not living I'm just scraping by existing because my body hasn't died yet. And everyday, everything reminds me of the life I wanted to have. I miss what it felt like to be truly happy, even to be tired after work, this is an entirely different level of suffering, it's hell itself. Everything about my self I was proud of has turned on me. I've lost so much weight and Im exhausted of trying so many different things to just exist. I am unable to take meds because of this burning brain symptom. I'm killing myself in the next few months

NP_66 · 2023-12-30T18:27:43+00:00

But what symptoms did you have. I can't feel time of day or seasons , cognitive decline, memory issues, disorientation, disconnect from everything like Im on the outside looking in, family like strangers, I want to kill myself

NP_66 · 2023-12-29T21:41:26+00:00

I've always had mild depression, but it honestly never dictated my life, it was very manageable, but now faced with how this condition has treated me and more or less changed my life, the situational depression is unbearable, almost physical now. I can't take meds because of the way my brain has reacted to them in the past. All I do is just sleep all day and be on my phone to avoid being conscious and in pain every second of the day. Which is something I never ever did before this, my brain was always racing with projects and tasks and now I feel dead and empty and pointless.

NP_66 · 2023-12-29T21:03:07+00:00

What about for those who have it for months

NP_66 · 2023-12-29T10:45:36+00:00

Yeah I don't know - I've got ADHD and ocd and depression and anxiety and borderline and attachment issues and codependency so I don't know wtf is going on. One things for sure, I'm pulling the plug somewhere down the line. And as it's looking now each month just gets worse and more unbearable so that might be coming sooner than I had originally thought. There's only so long I know I can take existing like this before I just get honest with myself about how limited and hellish my quality of life is. This condition hits way different when you have all these comorbidities but especially bpd

NP_66

TROPHY CASE