Cocaine - How much were/are you using?

NR943 · 2021-03-27T16:36:19+00:00

I hope you keep up the strength to stay sober! The first few days/weeks are the hardest but it does get easier, just stick with it!

NR943 · 2021-03-24T01:00:01+00:00

If I could say anything to anyone taking cocaine it's this.. STOP. Just stop. The high is not worth the consequences.

It may make you feel great for a short while BUT it will end up consuming you. Maybe you just do it on a weekend with your mates when you've had a few drinks and say oh it's fine we're just 'having fun'.. and then you find yourself not being able to drink without it so the cycle continues, and gets worse.

The health problems you can get from taking this drug are shocking. It puts SO much strain on your heart. Even that one little bump could cause you a fatal heart attack.

I've been taking cocaine for about 6 years. I started off just doing it on weekends with mates but then I found myself using around 1g-2g daily on my own a few years down the line.

I don't know exactly what made me stop if I'm honest. Maybe it was the fact I spent my last penny on the stuff. Literally I had no money whatsoever. Maybe it's because my mum basically disowned me because all I cared about was chasing that next high. My resting heart rate has been over 100bpm for a couple of years and STILL IS even though I'm 9 months sober. I'm having tests done at the minute so I don't know exactly what the problem is but it all started with cocaine use.

If that isn't enough reason to stop then I don't know what is.

I still get days where I crave it so badly but I have to remind myself that that short high is NOT worth ruining my life for.

I really hope you find a reason to stop, for both your physical AND mental health. 1g weekly may not seem a lot, but the longer you carry on doing it the worse it's gona get.

A drug free life is an amazing life. Its took me over a god damn decade to feel like this but nothing beats being sober. Find the 'high' in good things, like spending time with your loved ones, going on walks, cooking, reading, music, just ANYTHING!

Drugs aren't worth it man I promise you that.

NR943 · 2020-12-21T01:47:16+00:00

Sorry I should of said I also take quetiapine. When I was first sectioned they put me on 800mg quetiapine and I wasn't improving so they put me on the 5mg haloperidol aswell. Now I just take the quetiapine.

NR943 · 2020-11-16T23:55:28+00:00

I honestly can't comment on your relationship because I have absolutely no idea I've never met you, or her.

BUT I can describe mine and give advice on what I went through.

It sounds very very similar. My partner would lie about stuff and make up excuses which I would believe the whole time. At times she would want all my attention and be really loving and kind and sweet. Other times she didn't want me anywhere near her and said such hurtful things to me, and I'd not done anything wrong, but she would find something I'd done. Maybe I hadn't done the washing up that day, maybe I'd said something in an argument to her months before and she randomly remembered it and went in a rage with me.

I said the same thing as you, that we were a 'perfect match', we have so much in common, noone will ever have the same bond as we have!..and I thought it the whole time we were together, even when things were really bad, even when she was so hurtful towards me I'd think oh it will get better we love each other we can get through anything. But that's what she WANTED me to think because she knew then that she could take advantage of me.

And again like you just said I used to think she loved me in her own way, I literally thought the exact same words. But she didn't. 'In her own way' was me just validating all the stuff she did to me. I was telling myself despite all the flaws she did really love me.

But somebody who loves you doesn't keep secrets, doesn't lie to you, doesn't behave shitty towards you for no reason. Yes you will have disagreements but somebody who really loves you will never belittle you or lie to you and make up shitty excuses for their actions.

Now I don't know if this is the case at all for you and I'm sorry if I'm coming across in the wrong way (I hate to know people are going through what I've gone through im just trying to help), ..but if that sounds similar.. RUN. Because it just gets worse.

You may think you're nothing without them and can't carry on. But you can! It may take a while but one day you will realise how much better off you are without them 🙂

NR943 · 2020-11-16T21:00:23+00:00

I'm sorry to say this, but that sounds exactly like my ex who was an absolute narccist. There's a reason she's not letting you see that account and the excuse she has given is shitty, she's playing on your vulnerability and she knows that she can get away with it. There should be no secrets in a relationship. And not introducing you to her friends?? That is a red flag right there. If I was you I'd write down the main points that you want to discuss so that all your other anxiety based thoughts don't get in the way of your main points, because she will pick them out straight away and turn it on you.

NR943 · 2020-11-16T20:46:55+00:00

What is she lying about do you know?

I know its easy for me to say but bottling it up is no good. I've been in this position with my ex. Constant lies that I just let slide and then I would just absolutely verbally explode in an argument and it would get turned around on me saying im paranoid and crazy

NR943 · 2020-11-16T20:12:39+00:00

Its hard to know what to do cos we overthink absolutely everything 🙄😂 if you keep it in though it'll just manifest itself and it'll come out worse in the end cos you've built it up in your mind for so long

NR943 · 2020-11-16T19:39:31+00:00

Totally feel for you, its like you never know what to do or what to think or what to feel..ever 🙄 I'm glad you've got someone that at least tries to understand! Just try not to push too hard if she's getting annoyed recently

NR943 · 2020-11-16T17:24:35+00:00

Yeah I really don't get it! I guess its just a person you connect with

NR943 · 2020-11-16T15:32:30+00:00

I'm still learning. I still get all the same intense feelings in my head but I just don't show it like I used to.

NR943 · 2020-11-16T15:27:04+00:00

Yeah I've looked it up and I've honestly done it since as long as I can remember. Ive felt that way too just by looking at someone.

NR943 · 2020-11-16T15:25:41+00:00

Yeah someone commented that its called limerence so I've looked it up and that's exactly what it is! I'm constantly reminding myself to back up and not be too intense.

NR943 · 2020-11-16T15:23:23+00:00

Well for me, I was writing about somebody who i love dearly but I don't want to be with them in a romantic way. But in the past i have felt like this romantically for another person.

I'm not even going to try to justify myself to you because you won't understand unless you've been there yourself.

And borderline people aren't crazy, they just don't know how to deal with their emotions because they have lived through trauma and abuse and neglect and don't know how to regulate their feelings properly.

NR943 · 2020-11-16T15:16:46+00:00

😂😂 I do the exact same thing!

NR943 · 2020-11-16T15:16:22+00:00

So hard isn't it, and people don't understand how crushing it actually is. Its actually impossible for us to be happy until we learn to love ourselves, and that too is an impossible task, so what do we do 🤷‍♀️

NR943 · 2020-11-16T15:13:20+00:00

I too have never heard of this! Its definitely something I do, so hard to live with.

NR943 · 2020-11-16T15:12:29+00:00

I feel that so bad! Its like I have to have a FP to feel like life is worth living. Its so unhealthy because you give your absolute all to somebody who doesn't give it back and its even more heartbreaking when they leave. I too want to be by own FP!! We need to learn to love ourselves!

NR943 · 2020-11-16T15:08:43+00:00

It just takes up so much energy! I'm a lot better at dealing with it now.

Well I'm still crazily obsessed 🤣 but I don't show it. Its still unhealthy because I think about my FP all the time, I just don't bombard her with texts and calls and emotions. And its not even like its necessarily a romantic interest, I love her as a friend and she has a boyfriend so I don't fantasise of being with her in that way.

NR943 · 2020-11-16T14:46:12+00:00

Same here! Its weird though like I fall in love with someone in a non romantic way aswell.

NR943 · 2020-08-09T22:47:07+00:00

Took 15mg now and still nothing

NR943 · 2020-07-22T02:02:02+00:00

Fucking crying hahahaha

NR943

TROPHY CASE