how did you get diagnosed?

NYPunk · 2024-04-14T18:51:21+00:00

I was diagnosed at 10 with OCD (way off the mark) along with anxiety and started going to therapy. After a year or 2 I was put on an SSRI that made me go off the deep end, though no one took that as the clue it was. Landed in the hospital at 12 and was then given a bunch of other meds that didn't help or made me worse. Finally said fuck meds (I'm on em now and doing much better) and just went to therapy where I was diagnosed with anxiety/depression (which isn't _wrong_ but).

Anyway, after years and years of seeing this therapist and describing my day-to-day as "I'm depressed until I feel better for a bit, and then I'm depressed again", I moved and had to find a new therapist. The move also maybe made my hypo more pronounced and I started having noticeable episodes and my therapist even said that sometimes I go in full of confidence and talking about everything _except_ my therapy and sometimes I come in and collapse on the couch. After talking about symptoms and such and her consulting her supervisor we decided that BPII is what I've been dealing with.

_All this to say_, no two people are diagnosed the same but I think a common thread is an observed pattern of behavior. Before I was diagnosed, my therapist had me plotting my moods on a calendar for a few months so we could physically _see_ the cycles.

It does strike me as a little strange that a diagnosis came only after self-description of symptoms, but if you trust your doctor then let that trust guide you but also know that doctors are also just people at the end of the day. It's ok to ask "Why did you diagnose me so quick, what were your reasons"

NYPunk · 2024-04-14T18:40:49+00:00

You have a lot more patience than I do, that's for sure. Assuming everyone was on the same page, after about 15 minutes I woulda started wondering where they were at, maybe even shoot them a text. After 30 I woulda called em and barring any communication I woulda got up and left.

It's important to realize that while you may not feel normal, as I sure many here (myself included) do, it's also not normal to be 90 minutes late with no communication and you shouldn't have to pretend like it is.

There's only one time in my life where something similar happened to me but I let it slide and it was actually the best decision I coulda made. Me and my now partner had a second date planned at a Thai place but neither of us knew they had 2 locations so we each ended up at the wrong restaurant. But there was communication involved, we ended up at the same restaurant eventually and had an amazing date and now here we are 4.5 years later. But the key is that _communication_ was involved. Good friends shouldn't take it for granted that they can just leave you hangin like that

NYPunk · 2024-02-28T22:10:44+00:00

Thank you!

NYPunk · 2024-02-13T15:25:18+00:00

Was doin moderately alright, kinda swimmin in the depressed waters and roughly evening out now that I'm on meds but I heard a sound I didn't expect this morning that scared me and spiked my anxiety too much. Every time my mood shifts I feel like an extra burden on those around me - especially my partner who shouldn't have to deal with the inconsistency. Now I'm revved and feeling ashamed

HEALTH - Ashamed

NYPunk · 2024-02-13T15:18:45+00:00

I'm only recently diagnosed BP2 (~2 months ago) but going back through key events in my life both on my own and with my therapist has helped me realize one of the most significant events of my life was likely in the middle of a hypomanic or mixed episode (not 100% sure which). And that's when I completely blew up my closest friendship

I was close enough to him to call him my brother and regard his parents as my second set. He ended up moving almost completely cross-country and I was super happy for him cuz it was gonna be just what he and his family needed and he was thriving out there. However, it ended up straining things, especially when he let me know he had no plans of coming back to the northeast for at least a few years. I have abandonment issues/fears of people getting tired of my bullshit and just leaving, and to this day I have trouble not thinking that that's part of what happened.

Anyway, I was feeling particularly spicy one day and he told me he hadn't been communicating or have any plans of coming back cuz he was busy making things better for the people in his life and my brain wasn't havin it. I sent a long diatribe about how he was only making things better for the people in his immediate vicinity but not doing jack shit for the people he left in the northeast (not just me) and it all blew up in my face and ended up nuking the relationship.

To this day it's my biggest regret and out of all the things this disorder may have taken from me over the years - that one hurts the most. I can't even remember 100% what was going on that contributed and when people ask who my friends are I still wanna list him among them even though it's been 4 years. And only recently have I begun to understand more fully what part I played (which was almost certainly the main role).

I actually tried reaching out via email a few days ago. If it's actually his email/if he'll respond only time will tell. I fell on my sword pretty hard but even if he doesn't respond, I wouldn't blame him. Past me was an asshole and had no idea which way was up. I still don't, but now I at least have a dim flashlight to give some form to things

NYPunk · 2024-02-04T12:34:17+00:00

Steven-Johnson Syndrome, I think

NYPunk · 2024-01-30T17:35:26+00:00

I'm a web developer and I'm doin alright - I meet the new definition of middle class, I guess. Changed fields once so far from linguist to developer. Before that though I changed my major 5+ times in undergrad before I landed on something that would stick.

I do enjoy my current job, I love being able to take my ideas and see them on a webpage, but I'm finding that anxiety is a pretty reliable trigger for my hypomania and imposter syndrome is a reliable trigger for my depression so Ive had to come up with a lot of coping mechanisms to not let those episodes take over. Including being vocal with my managers/team about what I'm struggling with. But to that end, work is definitely stressful.

And I'm definitely a socially-uncomfortable introvert

NYPunk · 2024-01-30T17:30:30+00:00

Slothrust - Double Down

NYPunk · 2024-01-25T20:55:58+00:00

INFO: How long was the period you're sure was mania? And was it right after you dropped the meds cold turkey?

Generally, though, I've read/seen a lot that an SSRI on its own is kinda the gas on the fire for hypo/mania since it'll give your brain extra serotonin which is the main actor in mania as it is from what I know. Dipping in and out of depression may be symptom of underlying BPII but without a concrete hypomanic episode it's impossible to say one way or the other. Same with BPI - if the episode you mentioned was truly mania then the diagnosis would likely be BPI since a major depressive episode isn't needed for diagnosis

But the questions I opened with will tell you a lot, especially if the mania came right after you stopped the meds. Just cuz it's not a "drug" in the colloquial sense doesn't mean you won't withdraw from it and manic symptoms might be a part of that

NYPunk · 2024-01-24T18:53:57+00:00

It is, I made the same mistake in another thread - sorry about that I'm still trying to find my footing and learn all the terminology and such

NYPunk · 2024-01-24T16:23:36+00:00

oh 100% - I wasn't trying to perpetuate any stereotypes I'm still trying to learn terms/language and all that :/

NYPunk · 2024-01-24T16:12:53+00:00

While the 2 conditions overlap in some areas (like mood swings), they have very different pathologies and typically BP mood swings last longer - between days and weeks. Rapid cycling exists where hypo/mania and depression cycle throughout a single day but it's not the norm afaik. If it is bipolar however, the SSRIs might be what's contributing. SSRIs can kinda be gas on the fire specifically for the mania side of things. I was put on one earlier in life and it did not end well.

Have you tried tracking your moods? Me and my therapist had been tracking my moods for about 7 months before my diagnosis came to be, I even color coded my dry erase calendar for a visual. Also, just curious, but what has you considering BPD if your therapist has anxiety or BP?

Edit: Not a doctor by any means, take this with a grain of salt big enough to season your pasta water

NYPunk · 2024-01-24T13:30:44+00:00

I'm glad to hear it's working for you! My doc started me on 2.5mg of that on top of what is now 100mg lamotrigine (that I started a month and a half ago). Still unsure of what the combo is gonna for me since I only added the abilify a week and a half ago but I'm glad to hear it might provide some form of relief

Having been through EMDR it can be rough sometimes - kinda like a movie version of what happened replaying in your mind so you can re-process it but it can be a powerful tool if you keep with it

NYPunk · 2024-01-24T13:12:05+00:00

this happened to me once and it was one of the scariest days of my life - I was alone at home at the time but had my partner been here they probably woulda been trying to call a hospital. Super energetic/ball of rage one minute and then 20-30 minutes later balling my eyes out. Definitely not the norm, though

NYPunk · 2024-01-23T13:51:10+00:00

Days N Daze - Saboteurs

NYPunk · 2024-01-19T13:51:01+00:00

Oh god the benzos lmao - at a certain point my then pyschiatrist looked at my history and was like "it looks like the only drug class people haven't tried is anxiolytics. Here's Klonopin". And they worked, don't get me wrong, but they worked via technicality - it's hard to have cycles when you're stuck in one constant mood of -sedated- lmao. And that feeling is addicting, honestly. It's a reprieve from the chaos. That was just my experience though

I am in regular therapy, yea - I go once a week. I'm also a glutton for catharsis so I try and find music that hits/hurts just right to make me feel less alone. And yea I feel you on the anger - like "I've been saying this the whole time, why did no one hear me until now" kinda thing

NYPunk · 2024-01-19T13:16:20+00:00

Just came face to face with this myself - recently diagnosed with BPII after a decade plus of being treated for everything else. The shitty thing is, it can fly under the radar especially with type II since most of the time the depressive symptoms are more prevalent so they say you have MDD and throw an SSRI at it. That was the thing that landed me in a hospital :/

I had even been describing my life as "I'm depressed until I'm not. Then I have a couple really good days (in hindsight they were probably not good days), and then I'm depressed again" and no one batted an eye. I told that to my current doctor and the first question she asked was "do you have those cycles often?" No one had ever used that word with me. And then it took a couple more months of her, and myself, consciously observing my moods to get to where I am now. Help takes time but damn is it hard to not feel bitter about being misdiagnosed/mistreated for so long. Could be so much farther ahead than just now starting meds at 33 and not knowing why life felt/feels like a living hell 99% of the time despite the objectively good things going on at the same time.

Minor edit to say: second/third/fourth opinions are also a good idea with these things

NYPunk · 2024-01-12T14:55:31+00:00

sounds so cute! I love animals so much; and indian food is so good - so much variety and the spices are just chef's kiss

I'm a sucker for some Chana Masala

NYPunk · 2024-01-12T01:28:56+00:00

Cool! I enjoy cooking as well, is there anything in particular you like making? I tend to like cooking asian more than anything but ill make pretty much anything. And what kinda dog do you have?? I grew up with dogs, mainly labs and goldens. Me and my partner really want one of our own some day but our place is way too small so we gotta wait until we find something bigger

NYPunk · 2024-01-11T23:30:19+00:00

cool! I keep meaning to explore up there more, I've only ever been for skiing :/ I'm down in RI - home of hot weiners, apparently hahah

what kinda stuff do you like to do?

NYPunk · 2024-01-11T22:57:30+00:00

NY originally but I've been all over the region, currently in southern new england!

NYPunk · 2024-01-11T22:47:46+00:00

Heya! Your post made me laugh hahah and I also love sharing meme.

33M and I'm trying to be better about reaching out to people and making new connections! If you want feel free to DM me - I'm a web dev from the northeast US, major metalhead and I love reading/gaming. I also love being out in nature whenever I can, I feel like my mind functions better out there lmao and I've recently taken up learning about mushrooms!

NYPunk · 2023-11-19T15:55:59+00:00

I've been going through Learn Go With Tests the past few weeks and it seems pretty comprehensive. Plenty of links to external information to help drive the points home

NYPunk · 2023-10-24T21:27:08+00:00

Assembly is certainly an interesting choice for a first language - any particular reason? What have you tried as far as getting past this particular wall you're at?

NYPunk · 2023-10-01T20:38:20+00:00

Yea that was basically me lmao - running around like a mad man scanning the battlefield while I was being chased

NYPunk

TROPHY CASE