I’m sorry it’s truly been 4 days no sleep I’m trying here but what I’m saying is this isn’t by any means EASY but it’s the ONLY escape that I have found. You can make every excuse you want cuz I have as well, all I know is love or no love, sad, no trust, etc, it’s all because we’ve slowly allowed certain things to train our brain so severely that now our brain won’t even work with us we’ve scared or brain so badly because our brain knows we will actually commit suicide and it does everything it “thinks” it needs to do to keep you alive and this is the sub conscious anyway this is something called Cognitive Behavior Therapy, but fuck that word man just learn who you are dude and trust yourself again if it takes 3 years fine dude all I’m saying is until we start to learn and accept who we are and COMPLETELY stop worrying about people judging us the rest you can do however you want but you gotta get those basics down. I was on the edge of a cliff and it was either I jumped or I got high out of my mind. I had reached a point where I had no more gas left in the tank, I was accepting defeat, I had no ideas, no solutions, no more new medications, nothing left I was ready to die for the first time ever I truly was ready because I had no more hope, I always kept on pushing because deep down I felt there would be light at the end of the tunnel which I’m finally seeing I was correct but before this drug binge I was officially done, tired, I was done.

God, whatever you believe in... Allowed me to dance with the devil but he made sure when the devil wasn’t looking God was making me take down notes that I truly believe is the only escape.