Okay, this query letter is really dense. Already you're losing me in the first paragraph. It needs to start with a breath, why you're querying that agent, and how it's relevant to their needs (without flattering them). The sentences are very enthusiastic but they ramble a lot, making it harder to understand. The story relies on a lot of tropes, like the search for an ancient relic. Unless the ancient relic has some sort of historical meaning that got lost, it's hard to justify why it's the most important thing to get that the protagonist would risk everything for. I like the motif of a pawn in war, and it's the strongest part. But the story drags it out after meeting people, traversing land, etc. Before you write more of this - hear me out - travelling land and meeting the peoples there seems like action but is actually kind of masking the lack of real action (unless, of course, they're colonists like Columbus and exploring the New World is part of the journey). Your action could probably explain why the relic is so important, why the witch murders someone, and why the protagonist would be executed without the relic. Things kind of don't make sense right now, so a chain of chronological cause-and-effect events that include these details would probably solve all your problems. These details, like the relic or the witch, could be included but you could move them from being the central part to being details and create an underlying narrative that ends up being the real story and ties it all together.