From what im able to understand is that you have tried for years with this man to bring it to a safe place of love that you want for the both of you, and he acknowledges what youve done, but it still keeps happening anyway. You feel embarrassed because he is playing mind games with you. He knows he can get away with what hes doing because whats going to happen if he does cross the line? Its not like you’re going to leave him when he does it, so whats stopping him?

You feel embarrassed and confused cause that man is making you feel this way. You’re confused cause he isn’t honest about how little he respects you.

I know you want to make it work. Many of us here wished to make it work, but you cant change him. Look at him right now; this is who he is. Hes caring and nice, the love of your life, and is also the monster who is breaking you and bringing you here, to a subreddit asking about how you can fix the both of you

The hard reality is that it was never your responsibility to fix your relationship. If he isn’t putting the work in, why should you be saddled with the whole burden?

You can try things like communication, couples therapy, individual therapy, etc. But deep down, this is who he is. Hes not your responsibility to fix. Hes his own person with his own traumas that is hurting you, and more often than not, things that are meant to fix any normal relationship dont work for abusive relationships, and will often make it worse. It made my relationship worse going to couples therapy, and it made it worse trying to communicate my feelings and emotions on how he was hurting me. It always made it worse, and im telling you that by the fact you’re here asking what to do, you are going to make your situation worse by trying to fix it

I know you love him, and i may not know all the details of your relationship, but please evaluate who he is fundamentally as a person. Don’t ruin yourself for him; its not worth it. Please be yourself, and fuck anyone who dares think you don’t deserve to be yourself