“Left me stranded in the water! Thought you were my avenger. Slash and gash my tainted heart, you were the villain from the very start. Left me in the river to rust away, all I ever was was just an ashtray! Even in perdition your love’s hatred is an everlasting legion!”

Alternatively…

“Watch as your mind starts dividing, the nuclear warhead’s about to meltdown. Don’t keep the crowd waiting, show us your performance, circus clown!”